Help Kids Manage School Anxiety

by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
735 words

“Anxiety becomes a problem when it causes emotional pain and suffering and disrupts your child’s ability to function well at school and in daily life.” (Diane Peters Mayer)

All children occasionally feel butterflies during the school day. Nervousness may spring up while waiting to be called upon to give a speech on Rosa Parks. And if dancing is not their forte, that hip hop unit in P.E. class just may trigger a stomach ache.

When Is Worry Excessive?

A measure of anxiety is normal. But some children experience persistent and excessive worry at school or while thinking about school at home. They may experience anxiety attacks and feel ill. School anxiety can interfere with academic work, behavior at home, emotional health, and socializing.

Psychologist and educator Marie Hartwell Walker likens school anxiety to a phobia of dogs. She writes “For some kids going to school is like confronting a vicious dog everyday. For them school is a place where they can’t succeed, where they feel bad about themselves, where they constantly fall short.”

What’s So Scary About School?

Social worker and author of Overcoming School Anxiety (2008), Diane Peters Mayer writes that over 6 million school children have school anxiety—a mind-body reaction ranging from butterflies to blanking out or having a panic attack.

Kids may report feeling sick because their emotional and physical symptoms confuse them. Symptoms of school anxiety can include: a pounding heartbeat, diarrhea, nausea, headache, tense muscles, shortness of breath, and dizziness. Kids may feel overwhelmed, out of control, helpless, or embarrassed. Parents sometimes mistake a child’s suffering for manipulation.

Mayer describes various reasons for school anxiety:

1. Feeling overwhelmed by demands. Standards within the school curriculum are higher than ever. Kids who aren’t great test takers may feel the pressure of high stakes assessment and competition. Sometimes heavy homework loads and falling behind will create the anxiety.

2. Genetics and modeling. Many anxious children have anxious parents or may be sensitive to their parent’s fear and anxiety. When a parent projects excessive worry onto the child, anxiety may be exacerbated.

3. Household stress. The burdened economy is but one factor increasing the stress within families. Due to unemployment and financial hardship, many kids may be struggling along with their caregivers. Other children may be over-scheduled and lacking sufficient time for free play.

4. Social issues. Kids who have trouble fitting in at school are at risk for school anxiety. Mayer says tweens are especially vulnerable. Bullying at school may also be a contributing factor.

5. Lack of support at school. Not all schools have programs in place to help kids with anxiety. This makes treatment and success there more difficult.

How Parents and Loved Ones Can Help

Mayer’s book touches on the following tips for overcoming school anxiety.

1. Hear them and exude confidence. Mayer says listen to your child describe the anxiety. “Reassure your child that together you are going to solve the problem and make things better.” Since your child may be feeling out of control, it is important for you to keep your own worry and anxiety in check. To make things better for her, stay calm in spite of what she may say or do.

2. Partner with school. Brainstorm with your child’s teachers and counselors on behalf of your child. Sometimes it is necessary to see a child therapist or a doctor outside of school. Emphasize with your child that this help is HONORABLE and not a sign of weakness or failure.

3. Relaxation techniques. Various deep breathing, meditation, and relaxation exercises can help. A pediatrician, school counselor, or psychologist can be a helpful resource for suggestions.

4. Reduce stress at home. This is a tough one! It’s extremely important to become a role model of good coping skills when it comes to stress and managing problems. Take good care of yourself and watch others around you benefit.

5. Don’t be afraid to hope. “I believe in you” are powerful words for your child to hear from you. Talk about how you are confident she will overcome this rough patch and emerge stronger. Discuss how learning something new is never a waste of time and a critical part of development.

More Help for Anxiety

The Anxiety Disorders Association of America (www.adaa.org) provides information and checklists for parents to find professional help for their children or to find a therapist who treats anxiety disorders in your area.

Michele Ranard helps children deal with school anxiety as an academic tutor. She has two children, a master’s in counseling, and blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.


Resources:

Anxiety Disorders Association of America (ADAA) www.adaa.org
Peters, Diane. 2008. Overcoming School Anxiety. AMACOM.
Walker, Marie Hartwell. “School Phobia: I’m Not Stupid, I’m Scared.” www.psychcentral.com