hello lovely child

“You may delay, but time will not, and lost time is never found again.”

We all do it. Often. Procrastination may be a tendency as human as eating and sleeping, but some folks are especially vulnerable to always putting things off. When“those folks” are our children, they probably could use our help.

The Nasty Habit

In The Procrastinating Child (2002), Rita Emmett describes procrastination as a habit—a nasty one both children and adults can correct.

Why do smart kids and their parents consistently put things off?  Procrastination is often our response when we feel overwhelmed. It also correlates with becoming easily distracted or even when we feel helpless. When adults procrastinate, they may miss deadlines at work, put off housework, and fail to pay bills on time. We tend to get away with it fairly easily, whereas when we see our children practicing the nasty habit, we nag and worry.

 So there’s the rub. We long for our kids to be productive by not putting off school assignments, chores, and responsibilities at home. When they procrastinate, we nag them. But as parents, we may be the worst models of all when it comes to procrastination.

Perfectionism Makes Them Vulnerable

Procrastination is much more than pure laziness. A child’s procrastination is often a result of feeling overwhelmed. I don’t need to tell you how often this happens when a big project or paper has been assigned at school. Perfectionistic kids may be especially vulnerable to procrastinating since they may have a great fear of failure (and to them, anything less than perfect is “fail”). Such fear and anxiety may cause stalling which in turn can leave them feeling stuck and unable to become mentally mobilized. Unfortunately, this perfectionism-procrastinating pattern may continue into adulthood and jeopardize future successes beyond the school years.

A consistent fear of failure can lead to a pattern of indecisive behavior. Author Neil Fiore identifies this as a warning sign in The Now Habit (2007). Fiore identifies low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness as red flags for procrastinating behavior.

Tips to Increase Productivity

Here are some tips to increase productivity gleaned from writings and the expertise of Fiore and Emmett.

1. Trick the brain.

To combat the tendency to put things off, expert Fiore suggests transforming the thought “I don’t want to” into “I wonder what will come?” Sound simple? This sort of attitude adjustment is powerful. In a sense, the subtle shift in mindset tricks the brain into a more productive mode.

2. Get cozier with mistakes.

 Help your child understand how perfectionism robs productivity. Kids need to be reminded it is okay to make mistakes. Explain how “not perfect” is altogether different from “fail.” 

One of the best ways to help them become more comfortable with accepting mistakes is through modeling. Seeing a parent acknowledge their own daily errors (and responding with humor and compassion for the missteps) is both a gift and permission to be more accepting.

3. Think smaller chunks.

Emmett recommends helping children break overwhelming tasks into smaller chunks. If your child has an upcoming test and simply cannot get the gears in motion to prepare, help her get organized. Look at the task of test preparation as a series of baby steps. Help her make a short list for a plan of attack.

4. Set expectations for homework or chore completion.

Parents can influence their children’s productivity by setting firm rules at home, offering rewards, and making lists. The basic rule of “no TV until your homework or housework is done” is an obvious place to begin to curb the procrastination. Screen time can be suspended or offered as a reward for successful time management.

5. Make lists like a bandit.

Make lists for everything so there can be no excuses. Adolescents are especially prone to selective memory even when rules are clearly articulated. Notes are more effective than nagging for gentle reminders of chores, appointments and expectations.

6. Remove the STING from feeling overwhelmed.

A great strategy for older kids and their parents from Emmett’s book:

*Select a task you’ve been putting off.

It may only take a few months to see positive results, nag less, and begin celebrating your more productive child!

Michele Ranard is a professional counselor with a husband, two children, and a blog at http://hellolovelystudio.com.

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