CELEBRATE YOUR TWEEN!
7:48 AM
See the beauty of parenting your “almost teen”
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
660 wds
“She likes a boy in her class! I’m not ready!”
This was my sister’s crazed voice as I consoled her about her tween on the phone the other day. It can be unsettling to witness your baby faced cherub approach adolescence. Terms like “hormones” and “mood swings” enter the landscape of your vocabulary. It’s exciting but also bittersweet.
If you pay attention only to the news and the latest best-selling nonfiction, you may be terrified for your tween. You may worry about her joining Generation Slut, Generation Me, Generation TMI, or worse.
In spite of: fears about them growing up, pressures they will soon face, and struggles you faced in your own adolescence, it’s important to savor this stage of their development. Plenty of cynical voices will say your job is simply “to survive this chapter” as a passive masochist. So don’t be afraid to break the rules and celebrate.
After all, there is so much goodness to appreciate about their tweendom and your emerging relationship! To prove it, here are six encouraging thoughts about parenting tweens.
1. Deeper meaningful discussions. Suddenly you and your tween have the opportunity to discuss more abstract topics and higher level thoughts. Have you noticed how much their sense of humor has developed? That adds a whole new layer to conversations and fun times together. Are they suddenly asking about deeper issues such as spirituality and faith? Being able to talk with them about your values and character development can have life altering potential. Engaging them in such discussions (with compassion and understanding) can have soul lifting consequences.
2. You both made it through their childhood intact. It’s a big deal! Really. We tend to romanticize the childhood years in our culture, but it truly wasn’t always rosy. Revisit memories of chronic ear infections and meltdowns in the grocery cart for a moment if you need a reality check. Even if your tween’s childhood was seamless, you can still pat yourselves on the back. Bravo. Great job.
3. Growing up for them spells personal growth for you. At first blush, this may not sound savor-worthy, but let’s think about it. As they learn from you, form deeper rooted opinions, and make discoveries about themselves, I bet you are learning just as much. As parents of tweens, we are not casual observers of their developmental achievements, we’re connected and growing with our kids!
4. They no longer need constant supervision. We quickly forget what it was like when they required a babysitter and so much of our physical energy. Their growing independence means you probably have more time for personal interests, work, and social relationships. You may be freed up to explore what makes your heart sing and devote more time to your community or church. The pressure to rush home to the sitter or carve out “mommy and daddy time” has lifted, and if your kids used to make you feel guilty about doing anything fun without them, this is probably past history as well. Traveling and entertaining at home? Suddenly much less-stressful.
5. More household help is worth celebrating. Have you noticed how a 12-year-old can vacuum a floor significantly better than a 3-year-old? It’s nice when there are strong arms to help carry groceries. It’s easy to forget that just a short time ago you had to drag them with you on so many boring errands so the fact they can now stay behind happily is a coup.
6. So many new interests to savor together now. Whether it’s a sit-com you both love, baking, a sports team, scrabble, cars, a book series, or pilates—don’t forget many such activities were not options when they were little. You likely yielded to their child-related interests and developmental needs at the time. Now there’s a whole new world of pleasure for both of you.
So be sensitive to notice the good and the beautiful. It’s there waiting for you to savor with your tween.
Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling. She has blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
660 wds
“She likes a boy in her class! I’m not ready!”
This was my sister’s crazed voice as I consoled her about her tween on the phone the other day. It can be unsettling to witness your baby faced cherub approach adolescence. Terms like “hormones” and “mood swings” enter the landscape of your vocabulary. It’s exciting but also bittersweet.
If you pay attention only to the news and the latest best-selling nonfiction, you may be terrified for your tween. You may worry about her joining Generation Slut, Generation Me, Generation TMI, or worse.
In spite of: fears about them growing up, pressures they will soon face, and struggles you faced in your own adolescence, it’s important to savor this stage of their development. Plenty of cynical voices will say your job is simply “to survive this chapter” as a passive masochist. So don’t be afraid to break the rules and celebrate.
After all, there is so much goodness to appreciate about their tweendom and your emerging relationship! To prove it, here are six encouraging thoughts about parenting tweens.
1. Deeper meaningful discussions. Suddenly you and your tween have the opportunity to discuss more abstract topics and higher level thoughts. Have you noticed how much their sense of humor has developed? That adds a whole new layer to conversations and fun times together. Are they suddenly asking about deeper issues such as spirituality and faith? Being able to talk with them about your values and character development can have life altering potential. Engaging them in such discussions (with compassion and understanding) can have soul lifting consequences.
2. You both made it through their childhood intact. It’s a big deal! Really. We tend to romanticize the childhood years in our culture, but it truly wasn’t always rosy. Revisit memories of chronic ear infections and meltdowns in the grocery cart for a moment if you need a reality check. Even if your tween’s childhood was seamless, you can still pat yourselves on the back. Bravo. Great job.
3. Growing up for them spells personal growth for you. At first blush, this may not sound savor-worthy, but let’s think about it. As they learn from you, form deeper rooted opinions, and make discoveries about themselves, I bet you are learning just as much. As parents of tweens, we are not casual observers of their developmental achievements, we’re connected and growing with our kids!
4. They no longer need constant supervision. We quickly forget what it was like when they required a babysitter and so much of our physical energy. Their growing independence means you probably have more time for personal interests, work, and social relationships. You may be freed up to explore what makes your heart sing and devote more time to your community or church. The pressure to rush home to the sitter or carve out “mommy and daddy time” has lifted, and if your kids used to make you feel guilty about doing anything fun without them, this is probably past history as well. Traveling and entertaining at home? Suddenly much less-stressful.
5. More household help is worth celebrating. Have you noticed how a 12-year-old can vacuum a floor significantly better than a 3-year-old? It’s nice when there are strong arms to help carry groceries. It’s easy to forget that just a short time ago you had to drag them with you on so many boring errands so the fact they can now stay behind happily is a coup.
6. So many new interests to savor together now. Whether it’s a sit-com you both love, baking, a sports team, scrabble, cars, a book series, or pilates—don’t forget many such activities were not options when they were little. You likely yielded to their child-related interests and developmental needs at the time. Now there’s a whole new world of pleasure for both of you.
So be sensitive to notice the good and the beautiful. It’s there waiting for you to savor with your tween.
Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling. She has blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.
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