hello lovely child

Decoding their slang and culture.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
680 words

I live with teenagers. The other morning at breakfast, my 15-year old son mentioned sorrowfully that he may have “tossed a fork.” Because I have grown so very accustomed to feeling clueless for what my kids and their friends are talking about (“Dude, that song is way sicker with that stupid hotness yo!”), I assumed “tossed a fork” was new lingo for “blew chunks.”

In reality, my son had literally thrown a piece of our cutlery in the trash. On accident. Clearly I over-analyze, but it feels like every day new slang from their ever-evolving vocabularies is introduced. The internet sees to it. Maybe you feel my pain.

Here are a few terms with definitions gleaned from my teen sons, my experience as the parent of millenials, and the world wide web:

Awesomation: The point at which something becomes awesome. “Brah, as soon as the show started, it was total awesomation.” Enough said.

Ballin: This term has been thrown around our house for years so I am a sort of ‘ballin’ connoisseur. It means to be living the high life, to be well respected, to be wealthy OR to be a basketball player. “That dude is ballin.”

Emo: You may think you understand emo; however, according to urbandictionary.com, emo is sometimes capitalized, sometimes not, and it can mean softcore punk music for melodramatic 17 year olds who don’t smile OR an overly emotional individual. My favorite emo definition from the site? “An excuse for guys to wear tight pants.”

If you still feel unclear about emo, ask your kids to define it (after which you’ll feel more lost than ever).

Facebook Ammo: A humiliating or incriminating photo saved on a friend’s camera to be potentially posted on Facebook that could be used for blackmail purposes.

Generation TMI (Too Much Information): While not slang, it is a concept parents of teens likely understand but may need a term for. Urbandictionary.com defines it roughly as kids who are overloaded with too much information because of the rapid growth of technology and the incessant need people have to share information online.

Generation TMI kids would all understand: "Wanna come over to myspace tonight to google my yahoo and twitter all over your facebook?"

Text Anxiety: The worry after texting someone when they don’t text right back. Are they alive? Mad? What could possibly be taking so long?

Text Away Your Dignity: Familiar with drunk dialing? This is the equivalent with texting.

Throw Down: (NOTE: Pay close attention to this one—throw down or throwdown means a million different things to different teens depending on the context!)

meaning #1: To contribute money to pay for something. Colton: “Dude, I’m gonna make a McDonald’s run, want some?” Jake: “Sure, dude, I’ll throw down.”

#2: To mosh or slam dance. “He totally threw down in the pit.”

#3: To street fight, like “throwing down the gauntlet.” (TRUE STORY: Definition #3 was the only definition I knew until I playfully threatened to throw down with my disrespectful 18-year-old, and his buddy remarked, “I’d love to see that at a show.”)

#4: To throw a large party. (WARNING: it may not be ‘dancing’ they’re planning to do this weekend if you hear your kid mention throwdown on the phone.)

#5: To fight and win. “Who knew that dude would have that kinda throwdown in him?”

#6: To drink excessively; see warning in #4.

#7: To perform brilliantly; my kids use it this way all the time as in, “He was epic! He threw DOWN!”

Tiger’s Wife Mad: So angry that you find the item which the object of your anger cherishes the most and proceed to beat him/her with it. “Did you see that dude ask for the manager at Taco Bell? He was Tiger’s wife mad with the burrito!”

BTW, do NOT under any circumstances try out these expressions with your teens! Trust. They could easily become TW mad and reach for…whatever. Use this knowledge solely to decode, sympathize, and delude yourself into feeling cool. (If you parent a teen, you already know a delusion is the closest you’ll come.)

Because Michele Ranard is paranoid, she still worries ‘tossed a fork’ is secret code. She is a professional counselor, academic tutor, and freelancer with a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Sources: The Urban Dictionary (www.urbandictionary.com) and her sons