by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
610 words

Have you noticed it’s tough getting penciled into a teen’s social calendar which is often triple-booked? If there is an adolescent living under the roof then you know it takes a little effort to not drift apart.

Meg, a good friend of mine is learning to snowboard just to find common ground with her rad kids. This shared hobby has influenced their vacation choices and keeps my friend in shape! Another mom friend inspired me when she recently said “I’m not that interested in golf, but my teen is so I’m taking lessons so we’ll be able to share it even when I’m old.”

Come Together

It’s as important as ever to make efforts to connect. Sometimes I feel all I do is service my teens and watch them disappear with the contents of my wallet! In their defense, they feel I frequently use my time with them primarily to lecture. So here are some tips for parents to create more positive connections with teens.

1. Invite them to bake. Trying a new recipe can be a riot even if your lack of culinary skill is legendary. Think of the drama and the memories! My kids help to bake yeast breads or bagels, and because of the rising time, it means they linger longer than if we were simply throwing in a pizza. It is difficult to feel moody when the whole house smells like heaven.

2. Reminisce. Whether they roll their eyes or not, teens love to hear about precious, naughty, or funny things they did as children. Keep telling the old stories and laugh at yourself when they bring up maybe not your finest hour moments.

3. Follow a sports team together. Try to have everyone home for the big game or match on TV and see your team in person if possible.

4. Shop online. It will be impossible for you not to learn a ton about your child as you both surf their favorite stores and hunt for sales. Ask about bands and/or causes they would like to support (teens are huge supporters of non-profits that sell merch to fund the cause).

5. In a word, bacon. Truly. My sons come running at the smell of bacon. I’m not clogging their arteries every day, and I don’t just serve it for breakfast. Teens show up for pork fat. They just do. So share some.

6. Submit to YouTube. Your teens are dying to introduce you hilarious videos only kids their age can discover. Laughing together is sweet relief from all the inescapable daily nagging.

7. Welcome their buds. This is one of the best ways to see more of your kids. Frequently the presence of their friends loosens them up and better facilitates certain discussions than if you were alone, so take advantage.

8. Hit the road. Sometimes to re-connect, you’ve got to put miles between your family and the daily grind. Even if it is a day trip, make the commute special and set ground rules they’ll love i.e. no lectures, arguing, or discussing sore subjects like grades and school work.

9. Create moments. Don’t wait for a birthday. Light candles and play weird music on a Wednesday when it’s just spaghetti on the menu. Bake something decadent on a random night, plating it creatively like a restaurant. Surprise them with bowling on a weeknight. Take them for a one-on-one lunch at their favorite restaurant.

10. Write a love note. Ever feel tenderness springing up but they’re not home to absorb it? Write it down. Express gratitude for them and leave the note on their pillow. Even if they don’t mention it, it matters.

Michele Ranard has a husband, two teens, and a master’s in counseling. Visit her at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.