hello lovely child

4 Cool Crafty Reads for Parents

by M. Ranard, M.Ed.
600 words

We have heard it from their teachers and reading experts, but it can be tough to put into practice. To help our kids become better readers, it’s important to model reading at home. If we set an example and allow our kids to catch us reading—even if it’s just a recipe or magazine—we are in essence setting the stage for compliance.

We all get too much screen time these days, especially just before bed, and quiet time spent reading is a much healthier way to unwind. Fiction is great, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, so I found some fun nonfiction titles that go down easy and inspire along the way.

Add Style to Your Home
Kaari Meng has fashioned a book of cool projects guaranteed to inject the romance of France into our homes (we can dream!). The French Inspired Home contains handmade ideas which nurture any dreams you may harbor of living in a cozy cottage in the countryside someday.

From beaded light covers to clothes hanger adornments (these are so luxuriously simple yet charming!) Meng inspires us to embellish our homes with the timeworn and organic touches of French-inspired living.

Even if you typically shy away from crafting, The French-Inspired Home will sufficiently fill up your senses and perhaps re-ignite a passion for thoughtful decorating or collecting vintage wares.

Create Cool Stuff from Crap
And because I personally can't pass up a vintage ware, Fabric Remix: Repurpose and Redecorate by Sandy Stone stole my heart with its sewing and upholstery projects made easy. Ever seen moneybag pillows? Totally genius on page 60. And don't we NEED shopping cart hampers fitted with vintage laundry bags to make laundry time dreamier? Because I’m not so sure I can exist any longer without one.

Stone teaches us (and I am a pathetic sewer!) how to turn vintage fabric, recycled clothing, and old furniture into stylish projects, and you’ve got to admit this is an awesome lesson for your kids.

Apparently my skill is dragging vintage wares home—it’s the repurposing part that always trips me up. Another one of my favorite projects in Fabric Remix is the vintage scarf pillow which makes such a powerful statement with a little effort, needle, and thread.

Make Unique Fashion
Chock full of personality and whimsy Sew Tina: 30 Cute Projects and Adorable Décor Items for Kids by Tina Givens includes Givens' signature go-with-the-flow method. Inside are flying pigs, soft books, puffy necklaces, and swing-y dresses made for twirling. Givens' imagination combined with Lynne Harty's dreamy photography sucked me right in, and I plan to put my insomnia to good use with a few of these stylish DIYs!

Learn from Creative Minds
Projects from these great new titles don’t require a fancy art room, but are you ever curious like I am about the studio spaces of brilliantly creative artists? Where Women Create: Book of Inspiration allows us to peep without breaking any trespassing laws.

Twenty-three amazing women are profiled in this volume by Jo Packham and Jenny Doh, and we are invited to discover their influences and processes which are as diverse as their charming creations. Tips for organization, exercises to fuel creativity, and personal reflections join breathtaking photography of beautiful work and workspaces.

Turning the pages of all four of these inspirational books will accomplish more than you know. You will be afforded the simple pleasure of escaping to inspiration nirvana for a few hours, you may rediscover hidden reserves of creativity, and you will be making a critical difference at home as you model the healthy habit of reading.

The writer? A lover of nonfiction, wife and mom, freelance writer, and blogger at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Givens, Tina. Sew Tina: 30 Cute Projects and Adorable Décor Items for Kids. 2010. Lark Books.
Meng, Kaari. The French Inspired Home. First Paperback Edition, 2011. Lark Crafts.
Packham, Jo and Jenny Doh. Where Women Create: Book of Inspiration. 2010. Lark Books.
Stone, Sandy. Fabric Remix: Repurpose and Redecorate. Lark Books.

The glory of your almost-teen.

by M. Ranard, M.Ed.
590 words

If you are a parent of a tween, you may be watching your child bid goodbye to a good measure of childhood wonder and innocence every day. You may even be feeling some grief about that. The adolescent and tween years can feel like unfamiliar territory for kids and adults alike. You both may experience growing pains and apprehension about the approaching teen years.

But there is plenty to celebrate in the “between years,” and not everything about the younger ones was rosy! So often as parents we quickly develop amnesia for the stuff from their early childhood that drove us absolutely nuts.

So the following lighthearted reminders may help to keep your thoughts optimistic about tweens.

1. Children in the double digit years do a significantly better job vacuuming. Not that a toddler can’t Swiffer like a bandit. Just sayin’.

2. Eleven-year-olds legally can’t drive. Hallelujah, they are not yet driving which means you can possibly sleep semi-peacefully at night for a few more years.

3. Cue the confetti—Go, Diego, Go has left the building! Sure there is a wealth of good children’s programming on the air, but there are also theme songs and quirky characters we won’t miss one little bit.

4. Tweens are generally better readers than preschoolers. What a relief you are not expected to read the literature they are assigned for English class (which is uber cool since Othello is not your idea of “downtime” after work).

5. They don’t grow out of their clothes every two weeks. Shelling out $20 for the band t-shirt they will wear for two years is an easier pill to swallow than the $20 onesie which fit them for less than a month.

6.  Physically, they are growing stronger and they know it. Glimpsing your tween’s joy and skill on the football/soccer/baseball field invigorates your soul.

7. Tweens still crave your affection. Which is why every once in awhile when they cross the room just to bend and give you a hug, your heart grows three sizes.

8. They are developing a killer sense of humor. So that hilarious youTube they showed you makes you laugh out loud and may even elevate your status to coolest cat in the office.

9. Traveling—especially in the air—is no longer an exercise in mental cruelty. Remember when the threat of an in-flight tantrum driving every passenger on board to the brink of insanity kept your anxiety sky high? Over. Plugged into an iPod or busy with Sudoku spells far less mortification.

10. The diaper bag has vanished. Sippy cups, diaper genies, and rectal thermometers are history.

11. Let's face it, you look more put together these days. Suddenly you and your spouse dress more fashionably as a matter of THEIR survival.

12. You have a bit more time. Your dream of seeing Europe, taking up golf, or reading the classics? It’s possibly within the realm of possibility now.

13. There are less wrestling matches at bathtime. And when they’re sick, they may no longer have to be straightjacketed to force grape-flavored medicine down the hatch.

14. Meaningful discussions mean personal growth. Watching an age-appropriate movie with them now provides an opportunity to discuss meaningful topics—a chance for both of you to grow and connect.

15. This may be your first chance to catch your breath and reflect on their childhood. Finally there are a few minutes to scrapbook (or print hard copies of digitally stored baby photos!), leading you to fall in love with your tween all over again.

The writer? A hopeless romantic. M. Ranard has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling. Visit her at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

12 Good Reasons to Let Us Eat Cake

by M. Ranard
370 words

It’s the little things, as they say. Those assorted small victories—triumphs even—that only fellow moms can truly appreciate and equate with baked goods. I’ve come up with a list of personal favorites that are decidedly one-off, and sure, a bit twisted but always keepin’ it real. And if you can claim these mom victories, then it’s only fitting you get your just desserts. I mean props. Okay, desserts AND props! Deal?

The point of composing a list of triumphs for moms is (a) because many awesome mommy coups somehow get overlooked and (b) to supply you with a chuckle because life can be hard. If like me you occasionally experience seasons of feeling discouraged or a lack of gratitude, perhaps your brain needs tickling. Maybe you need a nudge to recover laughter again. These TRIUMPHS may be just the ticket:

1. You dragged yourself to the market to buy half and half for the kids’ french toast as opposed to lazily substituting that frozen breast milk.

2. You got through the entire day without being barfed on once.

3. Even though it was a temptation, you did NOT ask the delivery man to “please please just keep an eye on my baby in the exersaucer for 4 minutes while I shower.”

4. You remembered to empty your teen’s pockets of an iPhone and his 4th school I.D. before throwing in a load of laundry.

5. After helping your 5th grader prepare for the physical science exam, no one required traction or reconstructive surgery.

6. Everyone under the roof has clean underwear for tomorrow.

7. One of your kids commented “Your eyes don’t have that scary bugged out look like yesterday, mommy.”

8. You did not accidentally impale yourself on a transformer carelessly left near that puddle of urine you slipped on entering the loo.

9. Appearing relaxed and put together at storyhour at the library, no one complimented you on the "adorable grandchild."

10. When your 7th grader brought home his midterm grades, you didn’t respond with “we’re going to have to let you go.”

11. Your facebook status sounds nothing like Charlie Sheen’s.

12. Your slice of chocolate cake and last diet soda remained hidden the entire day.

M. Ranard has three backup stashes of Peanut Butter M&Ms, a husband, two sons, and a master’s in counseling. Visit her at hellolovelychild.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

Simple suggestions to increase productivity and reduce nagging!

by M. Ranard, M.Ed.
750 words

If you live with a tween or teen, it’s likely you have a procrastinator under the roof and an equally likely chance you are now an expert at nagging. Does this sound like you?

“You can’t wait until the night before the math test to cram!”


“If you don’t start rehearsing that speech on Anne Frank, you’ll choke!”


“Get going on that required reading on the Executive branch!”

A Nasty Habit

Procrastination may be as much a part of our humanness as eating and sleeping, but adolescent kids seem especially vulnerable. In The Procrastinating Child: A Handbook for Adults to Help Children Stop Putting Things Off, Rita Emmett explains procrastination is simply a bad habit we can correct. We fall prey to the behavior when we feel overwhelmed, become distracted or feel helpless.

Here’s the rub about their procrastinating and our nagging—are we actually practicing what we preach? Or are we guilty of putting off housework, bill paying, and turning in the report before deadline?

Perfectionism: Procrastination’s BFF

Your adolescent child may seem lazy when she is actually overwhelmed. Sometimes the feeling is a result of perfectionism as it goes hand in hand with procrastination. If your child is fearful of failing an exam or a particular task, such anxiety may cause her to stall. She may feel stuck and unable to become mentally mobilized. The bad habit may continue into adulthood, jeopardizing future successes.

A consistent fear of failure can lead to a pattern of indecisive behavior author Neil Fiore notes as a warning sign in The Now Habit. He also identifies low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness as red flags for procrastinating behavior.


1. Trick your brain.

There is hope. To combat the tendency to put things off, Fiore suggests transforming the thought “I don’t want to” into “I wonder what will come?” Sounds simple, but the attitude adjustment is powerful. In a sense, that subtle shift tricks the brain into a more productive mode.

2. Get comfy with mistakes.

Help your child understand how perfectionism stops him from greater productivity. Kids need to learn it is OK to make mistakes. Explain that “not perfect” is altogether different than “fail.” Plus, a certain comfort level with failure is necessary.

3. Model a healthy response to errors.

One of the best ways to get more comfortable about accepting mistakes is through modeling. Seeing parents acknowledge their own daily errors (and responding with humor and compassion for the missteps) is both a gift and permission for your tween to go for it.

4. Think smaller chunks.

Emmett recommends helping children break overwhelming tasks into smaller chunks. If your child has an upcoming Civil War test and simply cannot get the gears in motion, help her get organized. Look at the task of test preparation as a series of baby steps. Help her make a short list for a plan of attack, such as reread two chapters of the text Monday, study notes Tuesday and Wednesday, and cover vocabulary on Thursday. Ideally, middle school teachers would teach time management, but parents can also help children learn time-management strategies.

5. Set expectations for homework completion.

Parents can influence their tween’s productivity by setting firm rules at home, offering rewards, and making lists. Do not put off making these rules. The basic rule of “no TV until your homework is done” is an obvious place to begin to curb the procrastination. Screen time may be suspended or offered as rewards for successful time management.

6. Make lists like a bandit.

Make lists for everything so there can be no excuses. Adolescents are especially prone to selective memory even when rules are clearly articulated. Notes are more effective than nagging for gentle reminders of chores, appointments and expectations. Throw in some fun messages, too: “Megan Fox called. She said good luck on the simplifying fractions test!”

7. Remove the STING from feeling overwhelmed.

A great strategy from Emmett’s book:

*Select one task you’ve been putting off.
*Time yourself and take one hour to accomplish the task.
*Ignore everything around you, such as the phone and other tasks
*No breaks. One hour is realistic for a middle school student.
*Give yourself a reward once the task is complete.


M. Ranard is the queen mother of two princes of procrastination. She has a master’s in counseling, a freelance writing career, and blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Emmett, Rita. 2002. The Procrastinating Child: A Handbook for Adults to Help Children Stop Putting Things Off. Walker and Company.

Fiore, Neil. 2007. The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play. Tarcher.

A brief getaway exfoliates parental stress and restores clarity.

by M. Ranard, M.Ed.
700/830 words

I’m a little stunned I’m writing a spa piece. Until a few days ago I was a spa virgin. True. Not a single heavenly massage or visit to steam room nirvana. What kept this hard working mom away? A skeptical perspective spas were heavier on indulgence than wellness. A reluctance to invest in myself. A bias that a few hours of high-priced touch and relaxation were overrated.

I was so naïve…

Pathway to Wellness

Today’s spas feel indulgent, but they’re way beyond fluff. A safe place to empty our angst and rejuvenate, a parent on the pathway to wellness can return to family life feeling more centered and calm.

As much as we may profess understanding mind-body-spirit connections, it can take a nudge from our typical surroundings to truly “get it.” When our bodies are thoughtfully attended to, our minds open to aspects of wellness the daily grind erases.


Why It’s Okay to Invest in Your Wellness

Believing I wasn’t worthy of nurturance at a spa was probably my most significant issue, and maybe you can relate. So accustomed to serving the needs of others, parents frequently overlook the threat of overload and collapse. Our reserves can dip, leaving our immune systems at risk. It can take courage to step out of a care-giving role to allow ourselves to be nurtured.

You are worthy. So is your family. You’ll return to your responsibilities with positive energy and gratitude. The refreshment will leave you better equipped to give.

How Spas Deliver

There are facilities offering inexpensive treatments, but I personally recommend spending more (and perhaps visiting less). I experienced two amazing spas in Chicago.

The Elysian’s spa located on the 4th floor of the luxury hotel in Chicago’s Gold Coast neighborhood surpassed my expectations. The architecture and deco décor will transport you to Paris! The masterfully designed intimate 14,000 square foot spa feels a world away.

No chance of falling asleep during my therapeutic Elysian massage, the therapist Maureen managed to force every ounce of tension from this weary mom’s muscles. At one point, I nearly began weeping (but not from pain!). I am told such a reaction is common as energy and toxins are released.

The massage was followed by a dip in a saline lap pool (no drying chlorine here!), tranquil conversation with my companion in the sauna, a head-clearing steam, and a soak in the Elysian’s gorgeous whirlpool bath. Would I eat Ramen noodles for a month to repeat the experience? Affirmative!

It was also a pleasure to visit Valeo in Chicago’s J.W. Marriott. If the Elysian is a sparkly Parisian boutique, Valeo is a 20,000 square foot womb-like temple from another era. My facial by Cheryl was customized for unique midlife issues (fine lines, loss of elasticity, dryness) and felt both meditative and heavenly. I floated from the ultra quiet room with rehydrated and polished skin, advice to properly care for it, and nourishing effects which lingered.


Valeo features the only Clarity Chambers in the United Sates, and I was anxious to experience this modern take on ancient Greek, Roman, and Turkish bathing rituals. The chamber felt harmoniously balanced for all the senses. Reclining on an enormous marble “belly” stone heated from within, the outside world melts away as a fire dances nearby in modern stainless steel housing. Do the chambers produce clarity? In my relaxed state, a handful of story ideas bubbled into consciousness (and truth be told, I took mental notes pondering how I might recreate my own clarity chamber at home). I realized quickly recreating a chamber would be impossible, so I will return to Valeo!

Wellness Without Bankruptcy

World class spa services cost more than those at the strip mall with good reason, but don’t be misguided. If you’re flexible about travel times, a luxurious room at the Elysian or JW Marriott can be booked for under $200 per night. Even if you decide to pass on a massage, the inclusive spa amenities will wow you. If you were budgeting $600 for a 6-night stay at a mediocre property, consider instead finding fulfillment at a quality location for 3-nights.

Consider a spa gift certificate for birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and the holidays—it makes everyone feel cherished.

Smart Tips From a Spa First-Timer

1. Check out exclusive hotels and spas online you assume are out of your price range—you may be pleasantly surprised.

2. Arrive 20 minutes early to your spa service appointment—you’ll have time to talk with your therapist, sip something refreshing, and prepare for nirvana.

3. Make sure you let your therapist know about recent procedures, injuries, allergies, or sensitivities.

4. Sip water the entire time at the spa.

5. Ask questions about skincare, fitness, and nutrition. The experts will send you away equipped with great advice to jumpstart healthy new habits.

6. Challenge the voices that say only superficial people and narcissists belong at the spa. Wellness is not reserved for an exclusive club.

M. Ranard is a busy mom still on cloud nine from so much spa goodness. She has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling. Visit her blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

Links:

The Elysian Chicago

Valeo 

JW Marriott

8 Tips to help your child without a workbook or tutor!

by M. Ranard, M.Ed.
800 words

As a professional tutor, I meet with many distressed parents who aren’t sure where to turn when they learn their child is a struggling reader. While they are motivated to confront the issue, they rarely recognize their own role and ability to be instrumental to their child’s reading achievement.

What is the single most important step parents can take at home for remedial reading help or to enrich their child’s reading?

The Secret is Reading Aloud

Read aloud with your kids absolutely every opportunity available. Make the opportunities happen. Not only will hearing stories allow your child to experience different forms of language, rhythm, and sound, it will inform them on topics they would not otherwise learn about. Hearing your pleasant voice reading (not lecturing, not nagging) is calming and lends itself to a chance for connection. Here are some of my favorite tips for getting the most from story time.

1. Lose the insecurity that you’re not an entertaining reader.

It may seem counter-intuitive, but you honestly don’t even have to be a good reader to be effective. In fact, if you are a slower reader, this could actually be more beneficial to your child. She will hear the words more clearly.

2. Choose engaging material to read.

It is okay if you are not a naturally theatrical person, but reading aloud is not a time to be a shy performer with your kids. For younger children, select fun to read books with repetitive phrases and rhymes so kids can begin to join in and finish your sentences. Read with feeling and emotion. Pause in areas it makes sense for children to anticipate what is coming next. Let yourself get silly or dramatic.

3. Make connections consistently outside of the story.

Good readers don’t just stay focused on the words and plot of the story they are reading. They think about connections outside of the story to better comprehend what they are presently processing and reading. You can help your child develop this habit by pausing at moments and asking questions. For example, “James in our story thinks he would rather be a kangaroo. What do we know about kangaroos?”

4. Begin reading aloud before their first birthday.

Your baby is not too young for books! Focusing on pictures helps eye muscle development, and each time babies hear a word, it becomes more securely anchored in memory. You will never regret making time to read aloud.

5. Never underestimate the power of board books.

Have lots of board books on hand and in the toy box for toddlers. Brightly illustrated books without words are excellent for making up stories, pointing to objects, and repeating vocabulary. Let your preschooler imagine and recite a story about the pictures to you. Board books build fine motor skills as well, and kids find great pleasure in turning the pages.

6. Acknowledge that you must make time to read.

Many parents cannot see how they will possibly squeeze more reading from their busy lives. But you must realize it is simply too important to neglect. Research reveals consistently that preschoolers who are exposed to lots of books and conversation perform better at school.

To find more time for reading, you may have to subtract something from the family’s daily routine. Instead of watching TV before bedtime or rest time, reach for a book. Develop a habit of stopping at the library regularly—perhaps each time you go to the grocery store or every Saturday morning.

7. Read to them regardless of their age and even if they’re not struggling.

Reading aloud helps your children develop a love for literacy. As parents, we need to keep encouraging older kids to read. With older children, read books together—you’ll be surprised how much joy this brings you both. Sometimes tweens become temporarily turned off to reading and forget the magic of books they are missing. Think about reading together the latest series made into films so you can discuss discrepancies and casting choices.

8. Practice what you preach.

It’s important that you model reading for them. If you set an example and allow your kids to catch you reading—even if it’s a recipe or magazine—you’ll be setting the stage for compliance. We all get too much screen time, especially just before bed, and quiet time spent reading is a much healthier way to unwind.

Child literacy expert Nicola Morgan writes, “If something isn’t fun, children won’t do it. And they have BRILLIANT ways of avoiding what they don’t want to do: such as pretending they can’t. Or making you feel guilty. If your child doesn’t enjoy it, he won’t try. If he finds it hard, he will think he is not good at it. Your job is to make it fun and easy.”

M. Ranard has a master’s of education degree and is passionate about helping students become better readers. She is a freelance writer with blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

70-word sidebar/AWESOME READ-ALOUDS


Preschoolers

Have You Seen My Cat? by Eric Carle

The Stars Will Shine by Cynthia Rylant

Sheep in a Jeep by Margot Apple

Lower Grades

Freckle Juice by Judy Blume

The Unfinished Angel by Sharon Creech

Million Dollar Throw by Mike Lupica

Middleschool

Scat by Carl Hiaasen

Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

Granny Torrelli Makes Soup by Sharon Creech

Highschool

Graceling by Kristin Cashore

Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

Leviathan by Scott Westerfield

Resources:
Morgan, Nicola. The Child Literacy Centre. www.childliteracy.com.

6 Ways to Minimize Your Child’s Risk for Eating Disorders

M. Ranard, M.Ed.
730 words

Seated on the floor with legs stretched out before her, my perfectly proportioned and petite eight year old niece recently gazed at her bare legs and sighed, “My thighs are fat!”

My friend Eileen’s son is thirteen with washboard abs from swimming but asks his mother far too often for the number of calories on his dinner plate.

Eating Disorders on the Rise

Such everyday scenarios reflect our children’s growing sensitivity to body image and weight issues. The media is saturated with unrealistic and unattainable body shapes, and our children are more vulnerable than ever to such images.

Unfortunately, the incidence of eating disturbances is increasing among children and teens across America. However, as parents we can play a major part in lowering their risk.

The National Eating Disorders Association reports the onset of eating disorders is usually in adolescence, but even KINDERGARTENERS can exhibit symptoms! So from an early age, parents should engage children in discussions of healthy bodies and healthy eating.

Symptoms

Anorexia Nervosa is a refusal to maintain a minimally normal weight for height, fear of gaining weight, and preoccupation with weight and body shape. Consequences of anorexia are muscle loss, weakening of the heart, osteoporosis, dehydration, and hair loss.

Bulimia Nervosa is over-eating in secret followed by compensatory behavior (self-induced vomiting or use of diuretics). Bulimics often fast, exercise compulsively, and become overly concerned with weight and shape. Consequences include heart irregularity due to dehydration and electrolyte imbalances, gastrointestinal issues, ulcers, and tooth decay.

Binge Eating Disorder involves binge eating with an absence of compensatory behaviors. Consequences for health are the same as for obesity and include risk of diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease.

Who Develops an Eating Disorder?

The NEDA estimates that 11 million Americans struggle with an eating disorder.

University of Minnesota Professor Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, an expert on eating disturbances in adolescence, identifies three types of risks for developing an eating disorder:

1. Poor body image/low self-esteem.
2. Messages in the environment that thin bodies are most attractive.
3. Dieting or binging.

Dr. Neumark-Sztainer suggests eating disorder prevention should begin at a very young age and writes “early messages can be as simple as learning to feel good about your body.”

Six Prevention Strategies

1. Stress health, not weight. Help your child develop a better body image by consistently stressing health, not thinness. In my niece’s case, her mother explained her thighs were “just right” and how not everyone’s legs look quite the same.

2. Explain the big payoff for sports. Talk to your kids about the importance of exercise, and encourage them to participate in team sports. Current research indicates athletes feel better about their bodies and weight than non-participants.

3. Model healthier behaviors yourself. Do not call yourself fat or talk negatively about your own body. If you are trying to lose weight, let your child know you are doing so to improve your health. You should avoid skipping meals and diet pills and instead model healthy eating and good exercise habits.

Eileen realized her adolescent son was influenced by hearing her count points for the Weight Watchers program. It was necessary to educate him about the program and the reasons he needed to consume many more calories than weight watching adults.

4. Teach your child self-respecting strategies for coping with negative emotions and stress. Talking it out, exercise, meditation, music, counseling, or prayer are a few healthy alternatives to overeating.

5. Eat healthy meals at home. Dr. Neumark-Sztainer writes “family meals can play a major role in preventing eating disorders, especially in adolescent girls.”

6. Discuss images in magazines and on television that present unrealistic bodies. We need to help boys and girls understand (and laugh!) at these unattainable images in the media. Adolescent girls are especially vulnerable to fashion magazines. A study by Kimberly Vaughan and Gregory Fouts actually linked the relationship of decreased eating disorder symptoms to decreased magazine reading!

Explain to your child that professional athletes and actresses like Halle Berry or Keira Knightley often workout for many hours daily to maintain such low weight. Help your child to understand genetics and the fact that healthy bodies are not one size fits all.

If your child’s poor body image or low self-esteem concerns you, talk to a counselor or medical professional. For more information about eating disorders, contact the National Association of Eating Disorders (http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/) toll-free helpline at 800-931-2337.

M. Ranard is a professional counselor, an academic tutor, and a freelance writer. Visit her blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.


Resources:

The National Association of Eating Disorders, www.nationaleatingdisorders.org, toll-free helpline, 800-931-2337
The Center for the Advancement of Health, www.cfah.org
Interview of Dr. Neumark (www.cfah.org)
“What’s the best thing we can do for our kids” www.discoverumn.edu
“Changes in television and magazine exposure and eating disorder symptomatology.” Vaughan, Kimberley K. and Fouts, Gregory T. Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, Oct., 2003.

Stay sane through the process.

by M. Ranard, M.Ed.
795 words

When it comes to college applications, I know firsthand how “getting in” can feel like a cruel test of mental and emotional stamina. How much editing help should parents give for the essay? Which extracurriculars appeal most to admissions officers? Which school provides the best fit?

Feeling Stressed and Alone

Probably the most challenging part of the college planning process has been feeling alone in the anxiety. Many fellow parents remain tight-lipped and competitive, so it was a relief to fine Getting In Without Freaking Out by Arlene Matthews.

A professional college consultant, Matthews says college bound students and their parents need to take a major chill pill. Her guide is full of practical tips for tackling college application angst, and if you have vocal chords, you WILL laugh.

The following are smart secrets to lower your blood pressure and increase your optimism from her guide and my personal experience. Think of it as free therapy!

SMART SECRET #1: College Admissions is TRENDY.

It used to be that kids who were bright and well-rounded were placed at the top of the application heap by admissions officers. The acronym BWRK was the rage just a few years ago. Then parents made the mistake of going too far pushing their kids into extracurriculars and community service, and BWRKs fell from favor. Turns out colleges now prize angular candidates who sport a sharply focused interest or talent.

Whether your child is well-rounded or angular, rest easy knowing the planet needs all shapes and sizes. Well-rounded types do well in a variety of fields from medicine to movie making, and angular types create great art and discover new technologies.

Instead of trying to package your teen based on current admission fads, you should cherish and celebrate their unique shape. Jay Mathews, an education reporter for The Washington Post, suggests stressed out parents repeat this mantra: “People succeed because of the quality of their character, not the notoriety of their college.”

SMART SECRET #2: It’s Who They Are, Not Where They Go.

Some very successful people attended some un-cool sounding colleges (A little guy named Ron Reagan went to Eureka College in Illinois and sort of did okay). Our society has become so competitive within the realm of parenting that many people believe where their kids attend college is reflective of the job they did raising them. Ever heard a version of this at a cocktail party? William wishes he could say yes to BOTH Stanford and Yale! Fabulousness just runs in the family!

We are all charmed by designer schools, but generic is underrated, and it is simply pointless to flip out about getting your kids into the “perfect” designer school since that school does not exist. Not even in the Ivy League!

Matthews, with great comic verve likens the Ivies or “trophy schools” to “trophy wives.” While the name of a trophy school may leap out on a graduate’s resume, like a trophy wife, it can also be both expensive and notorious for putting more energy into recruiting new prospects than its students.

Lloyd Thacker of The Education Conservancy, contends, “A commercialized point of view is what turns the admissions process into a game...There is very little evidence that correlates the status of a college with effective educational practice. Parents need to listen to the facts, not their friends at cocktail parties."

Matthews reminds that in the scheme of things, there is a point where college credentials cease to matter. When the college days are history, employers in the workplace want to know what you have accomplished and whether you will continue to deliver. You may not even be aware of what college your friends, co-workers, or employer attended. But you ARE cognizant of whether your friend has strong moral character or if your co-worker has a notable work ethic.

SMART SECRET #3: Late Bloomers Can Finish Strong.

If you have a late bloomer, you may feel concerned. Maybe your child is bright and multi-potentialed but has yet to discover his niche. Perhaps he has no published articles, patents, or a single hospital named in his honor. What is frustrating is sensing that colleges want to see greatness demonstrated now.

The reality is there are plenty of teenagers just getting warmed up. Deferred blooming may also have a silver lining. After all, peaking at eighteen may spell disappointment down the line. Matthews points out the deferred greatness of Cervantes who completed Don Quixote at age sixty-eight and Grandma Moses who began painting in her late seventies. History reminds us finishing strong is honorable.

Muddling through “getting in” requires stamina, maybe some chocolate, and a sense of humor. Let’s face it. Worrying won’t appease the admissions gods or increase anyone’s chances of acceptance. So arm yourself with reality-based facts instead.

M. Ranard has a husband, two teens, and a master’s in counseling. Her blogs are hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Matthews, Arlene. Getting In Without Freaking Out. Three Rivers Press. 2006.
Thacker, Lloyd. www.educationconservancy.org
Mathews, Jay. “Ten Ways to Reduce College Application Stress.” The Washington Post. July 3, 2007.

Help them develop a healthier mindset to thrive during challenges

by M. Ranard, M.Ed.
835 words

A few years back, my first-grader stepped off the school bus in tears. The words he squeaked out between sobs cut me to the soul. He said, “My teacher hates my reading ‘cause I’m stupid.”

It was the start of the school year, and he had been placed in remedial reading—a group of five students, pulled from the classroom for specialized instruction with a reading specialist. When I asked around, it seemed my son was the only student struggling with self-image over the placement. So why do certain children fall apart when faced with negative evaluation while others seem to roll with the punches?

A Fixed Mindset

Part of the answer may be due to what Stanford psychology professor Carol Dweck refers to as a fixed mindset. Due to the interaction of genetics and environment, some children react with more hopelessness than others. Since academic success at school is evaluated pass/fail, some children may be reinforced to regularly think in narrow terms and constantly monitor themselves, “Am I a winner or a loser? Will I succeed or fail?”

In Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dweck writes “People with a fixed mindset believe that their traits are just given…and nothing can change that.” Here are some indications your child may have a fixed mindset:

 They worry excessively about their inadequacy.

 They believe intelligence/athletic ability/talent are fixed traits rather than qualities which can be developed.

 They are compelled to prove themselves over and over because of a strong need to confirm that they are smart, athletic, or talented in every situation.

 They over-focus on judging.

 They often react with hopelessness.

Responding to a Fixed Mindset

Be careful how you praise your child. Believe it or not, Dweck says praise, more than criticism contributes to fixed mindsets in children. If you repeatedly praise your daughter for being smart, she may grow to expect that school work will come easy. If she goes on to encounter failure in math or reading, this failure may feel like proof she is not smart as you characterized her.

Praise more effectively. Dweck recommends that when your child brings home an excellent grade you should avoid making comments of the variety “Wow, you are smart!” Instead, reference her effort and the pay off. “You worked so hard on that subject, and this is a great reward for it.”

Educate them about intelligence. If your child bombs a test or comes home with a disappointing report card and says “I’m dumb” it is important that you explain how tests and report cards are indicators of performance but not intelligence. Children need to understand that hard work and extra help can lead to greater success. It may also help to have a conversation about emotional intelligence and the value of it to their life’s success.

7 Ways to Help Them Develop a Growth Mindset

1. Upgrade to a growth mindset. The alternative to believing there is nothing you can do with the cards you have been dealt is called a “Growth mindset.” Within this mentality “the hand you’re dealt is just the starting point for development.”

2. Think PET. Growth mindset thinkers recognize people can grow and succeed through Personal effort, Experience, and Training. Dweck notes that when kids think the qualities they desire are attainable their passion is sparked for learning.

3. Ask, don’t judge. Without a growth mindset, when your child struggles with school their self-image may be at risk. Fixed mindsets focus on judging (“This means I’m dumb,” “This means I’m a bad kid”) so a shift to a growth mindset needs to occur. A child’s inner voice could ask instead, “What can I learn from this?” or “How can I improve?” Dweck says developing this mindset “allows people to thrive during the most challenging times of their lives.”

4. Help them heighten their sensitivity to negative self-talk. When kids grow more aware of what their fixed mindset is telling them (“Face it—you’ve got no talent!”), they will be in a better position to do something to change that internal monologue. Talk to them about the ways their self-judgments hold them back.

5. Explain alternative ways to evaluate themselves. In the face of failure, there is always more than one response available. If they bomb a math test after studying hard, “You’re a horrible math student” is only one potential reaction.

6. Teach them to talk back! They will love this. Rather than allowing a fixed mindset to drag them down—they should talk back to the voice who says they are not good enough. Encourage them to embrace a growth mindset which, without judging, sees the possibilities and the opportunities that come from a setback.

7. Discuss how a new mindset may be put into practice. Dweck challenges individuals to embrace life’s trials and learn from setbacks. She says, “Hear the criticism and act on it.” Action based on a healthier mindset will expand the opportunities available to our kids now and through adulthood.

M. Ranard has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling. She is happy to report her son made great progress and has learned invaluable life lessons as a result of his academic struggles. Visit her at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Dweck, Carol. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House, 2006.