by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
780 words
I don’t think of myself as a nag. But on any given day in response to my son’s procrastination, I definitely sound the part. Exhibit A: “MOM! I’ll be at Kevin’s playing Rockband” (on his way out the door) at which time my nag switch is suddenly tripped, and I respond: “Is your homework done? Room clean…?”
If you have a tween or teen under the roof, you may feel like you battle procrastination issues everyday. But are you a good model yourself? Do you put off housework, bill paying, or getting that report into your boss’s hands before deadline?
Why They Procrastinate
Adolescent kids taking on greater responsibility seem especially vulnerable to procrastination. In The Procrastinating Child: A Handbook for Adults to Help Children Stop Putting Things Off (2002), author Rita Emmett explains that putting things off is simply a bad habit we can all correct. We can fall prey to it at times when we feel overwhelmed, distracted, or helpless.
1. Feeling overwhelmed. Your tween may seem lazy when she is actually feeling swamped. If your child is feels overwhelmed with anxiety about failing an exam or a particular task, her excessive concern may cause her to stall. She may feel stuck and unable to get mentally mobilized. This bad habit may continue into adulthood, jeopardizing her future successes.
2. Fear of failure. It is important to help kids understand how perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand and may be keeping them from greater productivity. Kids need to be taught it is okay to make mistakes and that “not perfect” is completely different than “fail.” A certain comfort level with failure is necessary and healthy.
3. Indecisive behavior. A consistent fear of failure can lead to a pattern of indecisive behavior that author Neil Fiore notes as a warning sign in The Now Habit (2007). He also names low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness as red flags for procrastinating behavior.
“Bee” More Productive
In order to replace procrastination with and “bee” more productive, Emmett has a brilliant strategy for children to take the STING out of feeling overwhelmed.
*Select one task you’ve been putting off.
*Time yourself and take one hour to accomplish the task.
*Ignore everything around you, such as the phone and other tasks
*No breaks. One hour is realistic for a middle school student.
*Give yourself a reward once the task is complete.
Say “Sayonara, Inner Slacker”
1. Jedi mind tricks. Okay, you don’t have to be a Jedi. To combat the tendency to put things off, Fiore suggests transforming the thought “I don’t want to” into “I wonder what will come?” Sounds simple, but the attitude adjustment is powerful. In a sense, that mindful shift tricks the brain into a more productive mode.
2. Share the book “See You Later, Procrastinator” (2007). This easy to read, hugely entertaining guide geared to adolescents will help them procrastinate less. Espeland and Verdick explain that middleschool is largely about MORE: “More responsibility, more teachers, more subjects, more classrooms, more chores at home…” And when our kids have more to stay on top of, they need good habits that will work for them, not against them.
3. Think positive. To bid farewell to slacking, experts Espeland and Verdick suggest tweens reflect on a time they accomplished something great when they didn’t procrastinate and the good feeling afterward.
4. Learn organization skills. Since everybody can learn more productive habits, Emmett recommends helping children break overwhelming tasks into smaller chunks. If your child has an upcoming Civil War test and simply cannot get the gears in motion, help her get organized. Look at the task of test preparation as a series of baby steps. Help her make a short list for a plan of attack, such as reread two chapters of the text Monday, study notes Tuesday and Wednesday, and cover vocabulary on Thursday.
5. Set expectations for homework. Parents can set firm rules at home, offer rewards, and make lists. (Do not put off making these rules!). The basic rule of “No TV until homework is done” is an obvious place to begin. Screen time and iPod privileges may be suspended or offered as rewards for successful time management.
6. Begin to accept mistakes. One of the best ways to foster this lesson is through modeling. Seeing parents acknowledge their own daily errors (and responding with humor and compassion for the missteps) will give your child permission.
7. Make lists. Make them for everything so there can be no excuses. Adolescents are especially prone to selective forgetfulness even when rules are clearly articulated. Notes are more effective than nagging for gentle reminders of chores, appointments, and expectations.
Michele Ranard is the queen mother of two princes of procrastination. She is a professional counselor and a freelance writer with blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.
Resources:
Emmett, Rita. 2002. The Procrastinating Child: A Handbook for Adults to Help Children Stop Putting Things Off. Walker & Company.
Espeland, Pamela and Elizabeth Verdick. 2007. See You Later, Procrastinator (Get it Done). Free Spirit Publishing.
Fiore, Neil. 2007. The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play. Tarcher.
