hello lovely child

When Puberty Meets Menopause: The Hair Edition.
(published first in "My Life as a Parent" column, PARENTWISE AUSTIN)

Last week I chatted with our 17-year old son whom we'll call Deathmetal and his friend C-Squirrel in the kitchen after school. Deathmetal and C-Squirrel play electric guitar for a screamo band named for French pirates, and the band practices regularly in our basement. Ever had the pleasure of hearing emo screamo in person? Allow this midlife mama to enlighten.

Imagine: an absence of melody, volume which induces ears and spleens to bleed, repetitive vomitting sounds, machine gun fire percussion, and incoherent vocals beckoning brain hemorrhages. This genre definitely does not tingle my jingles, but then again, it wouldn’t be cool if it did. All of us here at Emo Central have grown accustomed to quaking upstairs during practices. (Almost all of us…several neighbors have relocated).

We’re happy these hormonal teens can express themselves and release pent-up energy via music. After all, I’m hormonal too and truly ‘get’ emo. My kids are happy I have prescriptions to balance the emo elements of peri-menopause—essentially a second adolescence.

But back to C-Squirrel. I guess my chemically-induced stable mood had to be wrecked eventually…

TRES IMPORTANT BACKGROUND INFO: my teen son is not a licensed cosmetologist.

DEATHMETAL: I’m gonna give C-SQUIRREL a haircut.
ME: Okay. (Like I said, I was feeling a groovy groovy pharmaceutical calm.)

30 minutes later.

C-SQUIRREL: How do I look?
ME (overenthusiastic*): GREAT!

***genuine relief C-Squirrel required no First Aid.

Oddly, C-Squirrel needs to now hop in the shower. Hmmmmm. So his hair was dirty and dry for the cut? I retreat to the kitchen to grill pork chops for dinner. Things turn ugly when I discover two things:

(A.) Blunt tiny school scissors on the counter used by Death to cut off his friend’s mop
and
(B.) an evilicious three foot diameter nest of dark hair in a heap upon the kitchen floor.

Have I mentioned my OCD?

MY INNER-BITCHY VON BITCHY: Eff NOOOOOOO! They did not just cut hair near my kitchen! This is not happening! Why dearlord did I get the idiot son?

Deep cleansing breath. It’s too late. We did our best. College is soooo right around the corner. Yes. We. Can. Make the nest. Disappear.

I proceed to sweep.

Something through the French doors catches my eye—is it more hair on the screen porch floor? Utterly terrified it becomes clear every friggin inch of the porch and the wraparound deck is littered with dirty hair! No breeze in sight.

It’s as if the porch has been raped.

Again with the INNER-BITCHY VON BITCHY: Sweet mother, hair is evvvvverywhere! How is this possible? There is no undoing this crappiest of messes! Both parties must die! They know I can’t stomach crapstorms! I have problems. I have problems! Why do they hate me? What would Jackie O do? Who am I kidding? John-John would never make crapshackle of Jackie’s veranda. That kid loved his mama. Hair! All that hair! Those slackers should be out here, BUT THEY’D NEVER GET IT CLEAN.

The next 75 nauseating minutes were spent trembling, quietly cursing, and sweeping dirty hair. When I regained a modicum of maternal composure I demanded the boys sweep for another half hour. The following day I spoke calmly with Death on the phone.

ME: You cannot give another haircut in our home again.
DEATH: It was a HAIRCUT, mom. No big deal. I didn’t know you’d be THAT bothered.
ME: You used school scissors and plastered our porch and deck with hair. I have problems. Didn’t I tell you about my problems?
DEATH: Yeah. But I didn’t think they were that bad.
ME: They are.

They are.


illustration: Aaron Romo - thank you!

Michele has a husband, two children, a master's in counseling and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

I admit it. My memory for names and facts is frequently impaired these days (feels a lot like the seasons when I was preg-o-licious). Definitely hormonal pre-menopausal voodoo. Still. I’m fairly certain our teen son was not raised by wolves.

One of the most annoying questions he asks is "Why do I have to clean my room?" Then he adds, "It's just gonna get messed up again, and I like seeing things."

Truly I have failed. This is messed up.

The following is a summary of the flurry of erratic thoughts overcoming me upon entering the 17-year-old's room the other day. (WARNING: do not EVER enter a 17-year old's room/deathcave without your therapist on speed-dial.).

1. Quick! Shirt-mask for the stench. Think damp towels molding on wool carpet and an unidentifiable smell that triggers memories of the zoo.

2. Is that…butter or Velveeta? My children know they are not allowed to bring snacks into their bedroom. Wait. Suddenly I'm not sure it's food.

3. It was ALL the husband’s idea to be fruitful and multiply. Well, that's not exactly true. But I thought multiplying would also multiply my household HELP.

4. Mowing this laundry makes more sense. (I'll be away from office for the next three weeks and won't be able to return your calls or emails. I'm sorting whites.)

5. What a relief my child didn’t break the bank for the candynecklace thong in the open drawer! (p.s. Tag reads $9.99). (p.s.s. Wonder if this is a gift for himself or a lucky someone?). (p.s.s. Sweet mother, raising teens is terrifying.).

6. In the spirit of eco-living, a joyful thought springs to mind: to protect the survival of siblings, some animals must kill their young.

7. The deeply disturbed person who sleeps here used to sing Barney’s cleanup song with utter conviction. This is the thought that will haunt me for days.

8. Pretty sure if I split now I can reach Betty Ford by dawn.

9. Wow...some sweet sensitive lyrics from a soulful composer on the bedside post-it note: “I’ll stop stabbing when you stop screaming.” Wonder where he gets that gnarly edgy vibe?

10. Where’d I put that emergency Xanax? Just joking. I know EXACTLY where that prescription is.

Michele has a husband, two children, a master's in counseling and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Tips toDeal With Whiny Kids.
770 words

“I NEEEEEEED ANOTHER BROWNIE!”
“IT HURTS. I CAAAAAN’T HAVE THIS SEATBELT ON!”
“JORDAN TOOK THE RED ONE! I WAAAAANT RED!”

Ahhhhh. Classic rants of whine country. For many parents, these rants have become the whine of daily life, and it ain’t no Pinot Noir! Preschoolers are especially famous for whinery woes; and tweens? Well, I can confirm they are busted too.

There’s hope on the horizon. Expert advice encourages us to be more proactive and intentional in our response to whining. Take it from this professional counselor and mom of teens—their vintage whines will someday be a distant memory!

Whine Sellers

A few years ago, Psychology Today highlighted an experiment at Clark University which analyzed recordings of children’s whines. Doctoral student Rosemarie Sokol-Chang confirmed what every parent of a whiner already understands too well: whining is a heck of a lot more effective for capturing attention than a loud table saw.

Mom and writer for the Boston Globe, Joanna Weiss brilliantly expresses the effect of the aversive, part-cry, part-speech, part-nails-across-the-chalkboard song of the unhappy whiner:

“…there’s a certain noise that cuts me to the core, depletes my reservoir of patience, turns me temporarily into a meanie mom. I cannot handle the whine.”

Weiss is certainly not alone in her meanie mom-ness. “I find the trickiest part of this whining business is when we’re all exhausted,” says Adrian, a frustrated parent of three whining children under ten. “I mean, yes, I get the teachable moments thing, but when I’m tired, their voices sometimes KILL me.”

Too Much Whine! (And Not Enough Cheese.)

Just what compels our children to whine relentlessly about everything from fudgy brownies, to seatbelts, to the red crayon cousin Jordan is holding? Can’t you just hear the drawn out MOOOOOOOMMMMMM?

Whining happens when among other things, kids feel sleepy, neglected, hungry, defiant, grumpy, uncomfortable, or disconnected from you. Disconnected? Hello? Every parent knows the probability of a 4-year-old’s whining goes through the ceiling when we get busy or tied up on the phone/computer.

The art of the fine whine works like magic! It stops us cold and gets our focus back on the whiner—no loud carpentry saw necessary.

Pretend There is No Whine?

Should parents ignore the whine?

There are plenty of moments when it may be sensible to do so. In psychotherapist and parenting expert Alyson Schafer’s off-beat humorous guide Honey I Wrecked the Kids she says “our task is to ignore the whining but not the child” and parents should “gently and calmly tell them that you don’t respond to whining.”

Mom Adrian adds, “Pretending not to be fazed and counting to three in my head are two of my personal tips with my whiners.”

Nanny Deb of Nanny 911 says of ignoring the whining, “ I know this sounds nearly impossible…but you are doing this so your kids will start to use their words.” It’s the feelings behind the whine, not the tone that should be acknowledged. “Tell children to use their words. If your child starts whining, say, ‘I don't understand whining. I'm not going to listen to you until you say what you want.’"

Throw Back More Whine?

Is it a good idea to mimic the awful whine?

No. In their commonsensical guide Whining: 3 Steps to Stop it Before the Tears and Tantrums Start, Ricker and Crowder say whining makes kids feel more powerful and though we’re often automatically tempted to whine right back, there are better alternatives.

For managing the misbehavior, they recommend first that parents establish consequences. “Consequences teach kids that whining doesn’t work,” and the book recommends consequences be logical and immediate. Parents are often pulled to shout back or say too much which they shouldn’t do. Establishing consequences emphasizes parental action and requires some verbal restraint.

The second approach as suggested by the authors to stop whining in its tracks is to model assertive communication. This “encourages the substitution of calm, respectful dialogue that gives a child a mode of communication to replace whining.” Let’s be honest…for many of us, reacting to a grating whine with “respect” and “calm” won’t come naturally to our dialogue. The book reminds parents that “assertiveness teaches your child to communicate respectfully.”

Ricker and Crowder’s third suggestion is to provide your child an opportunity to contribute in order to learn empathy and responsibility. The reasoning goes when kids are allowed to contribute they will develop a sense of belonging and won’t need to act out.

“When your child whines, look at it as a golden opportunity for intervention, but only if you respond in a way that teaches the child how to behave.”

Michele Ranard knows whine country. She once sprained her ankle and lay writhing in pain on the kitchen floor as her preschooler whined: I WANT A SANDWICH! She has two teenagers, a master’s in counseling, and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Aaronson, Lauren. “Whine Connoisseurs,” Psychology Today, January 2005. http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200503/whine-connoisseurs

Nanny Deb. “Stop Whining and Screaming.” Nanny 911. Nickelodeon Parents Connect. http://www.parentsconnect.com/questions/child-behavior-stop-whining-screaming.jhtml

Ricker, Audrey and Crowder, Carolyn. Whining: 3 Steps to Stopping it Before the Tears and Tantrums Start. Fireside, 2000.

Schafer, Alyson. Honey, I Wrecked the Kids: When Yelling, Screaming, Threats, Bribes, Timeouts, Grounding, Sticker Charts and Removing Privileges All Don’t Work. Wiley, 2009.

Weiss, Joanna. “150,000 Year Old Whine,” The Boston Globe, July 2010. http://www.boston.com/community/moms/articles/2009/07/04/the_evolution_of_fine_whines/

During last night’s carpool to a high school dodgeball game, this brilliant exchange between my 14-year-old son, J. and his three friends ensued in my SUV.

Friend w/ Elijah Wood peepers: Dude—I love the pockets in these jeans. Your hands like totally don’t get stuck in them or whatev.
J.: Dude—I know. (dramatic pause) They’re pocket-y.
Pierced Friend (to Elijah): Dude—I like yer Abercrombie jeans. They’re all stretchy.
ELIJAH WOOD: I KNOW. My jeans are so awesome, I’m jealous of myself.

WE PAUSE FROM THIS INTELLECTUAL BANTER FOR AN IMPORTANT PRE-MENOPAUSAL UPDATE FROM THE MAMA:

Prescriptions are working nicely! Thanks for asking! I am enjoying more calm laid back moments like this one with these precious teen guys in my car. BTW, I'm fairly certain all were sober.

BACK TO THE STIMULATING SCHOLARS in SUV CHAT:

PIERCED (to a 'pretty boy' resembling foxy Kristy McNichol in her prime): Stop bouncing, dude.
KRISTY: Dude—I love this song.
J.: Ahhhhh! I’m gonna kick the crap outta him! Colton just texted. Dude is eatin’ a crunchwrap supreme at Taco Bell. I love those things with no tomatoes!!!

'Just right' pockety jeans, dodge ball, Taco Bell, music, and texting. They make the world go 'round for my teenangster and his buds at the moment.

ELIJAH WOOD: Dude—why do you hate black jeans so much?
J.: I don’t HATE ‘em, hate ‘em. I just hate ‘em becuuuuzzzz they’re black.

{Followed by a lengthy silence as the sk8rs ponder dark denim Jedi wisdom.}

Michele has a husband, two children, a master's in counseilng and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

My son J. is fifteen. He and the rest of his shaggy-haired, Generation Text posse are adorable right now. The MySpacers listen to Screamo. They skate, snowboard, and videotape each other’s backflips.

They value the hotness of high school girls but truly value each other more.

With ninth grade just about under their belts, they have been sufficiently humbled (read: pummeled, wedgied, and degraded by upperclassmen) and have yet to score drivers’ licenses. Hence, they’re still decent to their parents.

Dude! Everything J. and his friends do and say makes outstanding copy I can’t ignore.

A few days ago, they had a shortened school day, and I was asked to pick up a few freshman friends and deliver them to old stomping grounds—middle school. A faculty member had requested they speak to naïve graduating eighth graders about what to expect in high school. They were stoked to be chosen to scare straight incoming freshman, and it was gratifying to see them enthusiastic to share their newfound wisdom.

A craptastic snag occurs upon this chauffeur’s arrival to high school.

Eight exuberantly hopeful backpack toting adolescents greeted my SUV--which seats just five. At this point, all responsible law abiding parents with half a brain would have hatched a plan B for transport. Those same wise parents would see an ideal “teaching moment” about safety to benefit the teens for a lifetime.

Most days I’m on my game. But at this particular juncture I was a pile of dumb. Paralyzed by a temporary lapse of smartitude. Trapped within the revolving doors of the bad mommy idiot zone.

Trapped? Sixteen friggin PUPPY EYES held me captive! Eight sincere, sweet, skinny matchstick jeaned boys just five minutes from manhood! The strength of the bond between Generation Me brothers proved too much! (Less caffeine is undoubtedly in my future.)

In my head, I rationalized the car abuse: IT’S A SHORT TRIP! In…out…NOBODY GETS HURT! OH THE GENIUS OF BOLDNESS! (Fairly sure Goethe was not referencing criminal carpools.)

I channeled my inner cool mom (who looks great in a skintight DIP ME IN CHOCOLATE AND THROW ME TO THE SWIM TEAM t-shirt, btw.) and let them board. Indeed my coolness was reflected in their irises.

That’s when my son said it.

J.: Dude, it’s like the Underground Railroad!
POSSE: Totally!

Eight bright young men and one renegade mommy wondered how we would ever fit in the vehicle. At first, four boys shared space in the trunk area with a large laundry basket filled with crap; but, alas, the hatch would not shut. The smallest manchild of the trunk then squeezed in ever so close to my steering wheel, while the basket-o-crap moved to a lap in the backseat. The hatch latched.

I instructed the boys to both hide and cease breathing, lest attention be drawn to the Promised Land car-tastrophe. Just before departing, I glanced over my right shoulder, spying the darkest-skinned bud literally crushed between two friends, weighted down thoroughly with the laundry basket.

CRUSHED: (hushed and barely breathing) I feel just like Harriet Tubman.

OMG, I love these Underground Railroad kids who nearly suffocated in my car.

Freedom! No one was busted in spite of my impaired judgment. Harriet and the boys escaped, sailing into middle school unscathed. It was an ignorant move this dumb-as-toast mom will not repeat, but SWEET William Still ON A WAFFLE CONE, she drove them north safely.

As safely and cautiously as ‘a cool mom clandestinely transporting skaters to free states or Canada or middle school to make the world a more awesomacious place’ could possibly drive.

Michele is rarely mistaken for a cool mom or Harriet Tubman. She has a husband, two children, a master's in counseling and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Math is one of those really prickly issues with kids and adults alike. I rarely run into people who LOVE math. It's like they hate it, or they're sort of indifferent.

But I've devoted years to tutoring the subject and routinely write articles for magazines like Kansas City Parent which aim to help families. Here's an article to read if you're curious.

So just HOW does one (who is not a math teacher btw) become a cheerleader for integers??? I began tutoring math because (A) there was a real need in my community, and no one else would do it. (B) I have a heart for helping children who struggle, and (C) It takes a lot of creativity to bring fractions and functions to life, and I'm a creative soul okay with challenges.

Still. You've got to be a little nuts to try to make math sexy to tutoring students and magazine editors, right? Agreed.

Be intentional in your efforts to connect right now.

by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
940 words

Connecting as a family should be simpler than ever. But somehow our hectic lives and work schedules trip us up. Some of us go days without a hug. Days! We must make time for more nurturance.

We Have a Wii—But We Need a ‘We’

Clinician Michael Ungar discusses the need for our children to feel noticed and loved in order to embrace “we” instead of simply “me” in The We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids (De Capo, 2009).

Ungar says parents often attempt to connect through expensive material things, by becoming too permissive, or even by overprotecting. But the key to connection is to offer opportunities for compassion because “Give a child a chance to connect, and she will.” To connect, we need to nurture.

Compassion, Happiness, and Connection

Psychologist Richard Weissbourd, author of The Parents We Mean to Be (Mariner, 2010) warns we frequently miss opportunities to connect and teach valuable moral lessons to our kids.

“Too many of us are raising children first and foremost to be happy and we are failing at that project—rather than instilling in them what the novelist William Faulkner thought we as a species needed to prevail: ‘a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance.’”

Happiness is great, but what we think will bring more happiness turns out NOT to. We MEAN to nurture compassionate, morally responsible kids, but our culture points us to make more money, be more educated, and even live in a sunnier climate. In fact, as positive psychology researcher, Martin Seligman reveals in Authentic Happiness (Free Press, 2004), those things don’t matter much at all when it comes to happiness.

Weissbourd believes we are capable of raising “…children who grow to be alert to signs of distress in other people, who feel responsibility for those from other classes or races or backgrounds, who feel propelled to give to the world in some way.”


The following are an expression of nurturing themes weaved through my professional and personal experience and from books referenced above.

1. Laugh ‘til your cheeks ache.

The latest research supports that laughter can decrease stress hormones and boost the immune system! As Daniel Pink points out in A Whole New Mind (Riverhead, 2005) “laughter is a social activity—and the evidence is vast that people who have regular, satisfying connections to other people are healthier and happier.” Tell jokes, watch comedy, and most importantly, model a good sense of humor yourself.

2. Play for your health.

Backyard football or Monopoly at the dining room table may register as old fashioned “just in the movies” scenarios reserved for “other” families, but they aren’t. Get outside. Touch each other. Fall in the mud. Laugh out loud. It’s not time spent being “unproductive.” It is life.

3. Bring the spiritual home.

Whether you attend religious services or not, be intentional about discussing and modeling the values of your faith. It is quite easy to get caught up in the realm of the physical world so it takes conscious effort on your part to provide balance.

4. Frequently provide a stage.

Habitually ask your child what they think they do well and then have them demonstrate. For my son, it has always thrilled him to show off his ability to effortlessly walk on his hands. What is it for your child? Writing cursive? Pouring juice without help? They love showing you new skills and strengths. Your glowing response makes them feel ten feet tall.

5. Leave work behind.

Easier said than done. Take as many family vacations as your employment allows. The opportunities which will spring from time away from the grind relaxing with your children are pure GOLD and will add up to memories for a lifetime. No one at the end of their life wishes they had just taken less vacation.

6. Eat three.

Set a new rule about family meals together: everybody is expected at the dinner table at least three times a week. While it may not always be realistic to squeeze in three dinners, think about Saturday breakfasts, Sunday brunches, or Wednesday late night cookies and milk. At our house, we have Italian Friday Nights where we are often joined by a few of our children’s friends.

7. Time Always Matters.

Give them your time. So often we underestimate how much our kids want to spend moments with us. Iit’s important to carve out family time even if you get the message their friends have passed you up on the influence scale.

8. Listen to highs and lows.

Implement this easy best/worst exercise into every meal-time conversation. Ask your child to identify their best and worst daily moments. (Don’t use this time to lecture if their ‘worst’ happens to be failing an exam.) Open your heart and connect with the feelings they express. Share their joy! Cry with them over defeat. If you haven’t tried this, you may be surprised at how much you’ll learn about your kids’ inner lives.

9. Create a “We.”

Rally your children to help with a project. Whether it is helping an elderly neighbor with gardening, painting the family room, volunteering at church, or organizing the garage, join forces and see that the fruits of your labor extend way beyond an afternoon of hard work.

10. You don’t have to be a great writer to write great love notes.

Words are powerful and sometimes easier expressed on paper. Fill the page with dreamy thoughts, your wishes and hopes, and what makes them awesome. Leave the note on their pillow, and know it will touch them deeply whether they mention it or not.

Michele Ranard is passionate about helping families live more emotionally healthy lives. She has two children, a master’s in counseling, and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Pink, Daniel H. A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future. Riverhead, 2005.

Seligman, Martin. Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment. Free Press, 2004.

Ungar, Michael. The We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids. De Capo, 2009.

Weissbourd, Richard. The Parents We Mean to Be: How Well Intentioned Adults Undermine Children’s Moral and Emotional Development. Mariner, 2010.

The parenting and education pieces I write are not chosen randomly and are rarely assigned. I write what I know. I write often about things our family has personally experienced. I write from the heart and hope someone will be helped by it.

This article WHEN YOUR CHILD SAYS 'I'M DUMB' is a perfect example. For a good stretch of time our son struggled with school and self-image, and we learned how important it is to understand negative mindsets.

San Diego Family and many other parenting resources ran the piece, and it's gratifying to think that another parent may be uplifted or reassured by the content.

(But I have to be honest. Writing is often a lonely lonely venture. I write stuff I connect with, but I don't often get feedback from readers to learn whether it is impacting anybody else. So here's what I do: I cling to a positive mindset and trust that it is.)

p.s. SDFM's website looks fabulous! Editor Kirsten Flournoy is on her game!

Brace yourself, Mr. and Ms. Janitor. Because some educators are re-examining the gum policy. Why?

This is Your Brain on Gum.

Researchers at Baylor College of Medicine studied eighth grade math students and found gum chewers scored better on standardized math tests (3% better) and achieved better final grades (Wrigley Science Institute, 2009).

Chewing gum appears to increase alertness, focus and concentration, and in the cognitive improvement section of his book 101 Optimal Life Foods (Bantam, 2010), nutritionist David Grotto recommends chewing gum between meals and snacks.

More praise for the yummy stuff resulted from brain researcher Todd Parrish of Northwestern University (2009) who examined functional magnetic resonance images of gum chewers and found increased activity in areas of the brain associated with memory and emotional responses.

Calories, Cravings, and Gum, Oh My!

You chews, you lose? Looks like it. Gum may also aid in preventing weight gain as Paula Geiselman and her research team at Lousiana State University found chewing gum was associated with decreased feelings of hunger and cravings for sweets (Wrigley Science Institute, 2009).

Researchers concluded that even small changes in caloric intake could have a significant impact in the long term and suggest chewing sugar-free gum as an easy, practical tool for helping to manage snack intake and reducing sweet snack cravings.

Gum History 101.

Before Juicy Fruit, Bubblicious, or the sticky debate in schools (um, let’s face it, when students don’t chew gum quietly or bullies smash it in someone’s hair, it’s a learning distraction and not an enhancement), our distant ancestors saw the value of chewing resins and latex secretions from plants.

Thanks to the International Chewing Gum Association and the world wide web, this writer learned the color of the first successful bubblegum was pink because it was the only color the inventor had left! Who knew? (Learn more fun facts about gum at www.gumassociation.org.)

Gum and Healthy Gums.

Even people in the business of preventing tooth decay sing the praises of gum. Sugarless, that is. The American Dental Association says chewing sugarless gum for 20-minutes after meals can help prevent cavities. The ADA states on their website “in the future, look for chewing gum that delivers a variety of therapeutic agents that could provide additional benefits to those provided by the ability of gum to mechanically stimulate saliva flow. For instance, some gum might contain active agents that could enhance the gum’s ability to remineralize teeth and reduce decay, or enable gum to help reduce plaque and gingivitis.”

Gum is Big Business.

Skeptics are quick to point out that gum research is often financed by those who would have a commercial interest in gum sales. The Wrigley Company, for example, has much to profit if the evidence concludes gum makes us more attentive, aids in weight management, and reduces feelings of stress. American children already chew plenty of gum, but if it joins no. 2 pencils and glue sticks on the school supply list—cha ching!

Brush Your Teeth! Take Your Vitamins! Chew Your Gum!

Don’t be surprised if your child’s school modifies its gum policy, begins offering gum as a reward for good behavior, or requires it for math class (come on now, that will just seem odd, won’t it?).

As if better focus, calorie reduction, and stress relief were not enough, there is also evidence that gum may reduce symptoms of acid reflux. While this benefit may not seem relevant to school kids, it is surely good news for parents, teachers, and administrators who care for them and struggle with heartburn and symptoms of GERD.

Especially stressed out school custodial staff.

Michele Ranard has two children, a master’s in counseling, and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com

Resources:

American Dental Association: http://www.ada.org/1315.aspx

Baylor College of Medicine Study (Craig Johnston): News release, William Wrigley Jr. Co. American Society for Nutrition's Scientific Sessions and Annual Meeting at Experimental Biology 2009, New Orleans, April 18-22, 2009. http://www.wrigley.com/global/press/news-details.aspx?id=1113

Geiselman, Paula. Lousiana State University study: http://www.wrigley.com/uk/press/news-releases-print.aspx?CorpNewsId=1140

Grotto, David. 101 Optimal Life Foods. Bantam, 2010.

International Chewing Gum Association. http://www.gumassociation.org/default.aspx?Cat=4

Parrish, Todd. Northwestern University study via: http://www.sciencenews.org/view/generic/id/42983/title/To_limit_sweet_indulgences,_chew,_chew,_chew