I admit it. My memory for names and facts is frequently impaired these days (feels a lot like the seasons when I was preg-o-licious). Definitely hormonal pre-menopausal voodoo. Still. I’m fairly certain our teen son was not raised by wolves.

One of the most annoying questions he asks is "Why do I have to clean my room?" Then he adds, "It's just gonna get messed up again, and I like seeing things."

Truly I have failed. This is messed up.

The following is a summary of the flurry of erratic thoughts overcoming me upon entering the 17-year-old's room the other day. (WARNING: do not EVER enter a 17-year old's room/deathcave without your therapist on speed-dial.).

1. Quick! Shirt-mask for the stench. Think damp towels molding on wool carpet and an unidentifiable smell that triggers memories of the zoo.

2. Is that…butter or Velveeta? My children know they are not allowed to bring snacks into their bedroom. Wait. Suddenly I'm not sure it's food.

3. It was ALL the husband’s idea to be fruitful and multiply. Well, that's not exactly true. But I thought multiplying would also multiply my household HELP.

4. Mowing this laundry makes more sense. (I'll be away from office for the next three weeks and won't be able to return your calls or emails. I'm sorting whites.)

5. What a relief my child didn’t break the bank for the candynecklace thong in the open drawer! (p.s. Tag reads $9.99). (p.s.s. Wonder if this is a gift for himself or a lucky someone?). (p.s.s. Sweet mother, raising teens is terrifying.).

6. In the spirit of eco-living, a joyful thought springs to mind: to protect the survival of siblings, some animals must kill their young.

7. The deeply disturbed person who sleeps here used to sing Barney’s cleanup song with utter conviction. This is the thought that will haunt me for days.

8. Pretty sure if I split now I can reach Betty Ford by dawn.

9. Wow...some sweet sensitive lyrics from a soulful composer on the bedside post-it note: “I’ll stop stabbing when you stop screaming.” Wonder where he gets that gnarly edgy vibe?

10. Where’d I put that emergency Xanax? Just joking. I know EXACTLY where that prescription is.

Michele has a husband, two children, a master's in counseling and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.