3 Secrets When Your Kid Applies to College
by Michele Ranard

That’s me reaching for the Ambien. See the man over there with the glazed over eyes smacking his head against the wall? That's my husband. We are in the throes of helping our college-bound son with the application process. We're losin' it.

We know firsthand how “getting in” can feel like a cruel test of mental and emotional stamina. How much editing help to give on the essay? Which extracurriculars appeal most to admissions officers? Which school will provide the best fit? I feel a panic attack coming on…

Probably the toughest part of the college planning process has been feeling alone in our anxiety. Many fellow parents remain tight-lipped and competitive, so it was a relief to read Getting In Without Freaking Out.
Written by Arlene Matthews, a professional college consultant, she recommends college bound students and their parents take a major chill pill. Her guide is full of practical tips for tackling college application angst. And if you are breathing, you WILL laugh.

The following are a few secrets I culled from this former psychoanalyst and personal research. Hopefully the tips will lower your blood pressure and increase your optimism. Hey. In this recession, who can turn down free therapy?

Secret #1: WHO THEY ARE Trumps Where They Go
Our society has become so competitive within the realm of parenting that many people believe where their kids attend college is reflective of the job they did raising them. I’m sure you’ve heard a version of this at a cocktail party: “William wishes he could say yes to BOTH Stanford and Yale! But one will have to make do! Fabulousness just runs in the family!”

We are all charmed by designer schools as easily as we seek brand names for bottled water. But generic is underrated, and it is simply pointless to flip out about getting your kids into the “perfect” designer school since that school does not exist. Not even in the Ivy League!

Matthews, with great comic verve likens the Ivies or “trophy schools” to “trophy wives.” While the name of a trophy school may leap out on a graduate’s resume, like a trophy wife, it can also be both expensive and notorious for putting more energy into recruiting new prospects than its students. My husband and I both attended a trophy school. She knows her stuff.

Lloyd Thacker of The Education Conservancy, a non-profit organization aiming to improve admissions, contends, “A commercialized point of view is what turns the admissions process into a game and education into a game." He also writes, “There is very little evidence that correlates the status of a college with effective educational practice. Parents need to listen to the facts, not their friends at cocktail parties."

As an expert on all things college, Matthews reminds that in the scheme of things, there is a point where college credentials cease to matter much. When the college days are history, employers in the workplace ultimately want to know what you have accomplished and whether you will continue to deliver. Think about it. There is a good chance you may not even be aware of what college your friends, co-workers, or employer attended. But you ARE cognizant of whether that friend is of strong moral character or if that co-worker has a notable work ethic. Guess I’ll wear ear plugs to the next cocktail party.

Secret #2: LATE BLOOMERS Can Be Strong Finishers
My husband and I believe we have a late bloomer on our hands. While our son is bright and multi-potentialed, he has yet to discover his niche. No published articles, patents, or a single hospital named in his honor. And yet colleges want to see his greatness demonstrated now. It is all enough to get me worked into a tizzy...or not.

After all, aren’t there plenty of seventeen and eighteen year olds just getting warmed up? Should they honestly be prepared to save the world their freshman year? Maybe deferred blooming has a silver lining. Peaking at eighteen can spell disappointment down the line. Slow starters are in good company. Matthews points out the deferred greatness of Cervantes who completed Don Quixote at age sixty-eight and Grandma Moses who began painting in her late seventies. These folks remind us finishing strong is an honorable goal for the developing student. And maybe there is still time for your secret lounge singing dream career!

Secret #3: College Admissions is as TRENDY as Denim
It used to be a widely accepted truth that kids who were bright and well-rounded were placed at the top of the application heap by admissions officers. The acronym BWRK was all the rage just a few years ago.

Then parents made the mistake of going too far pushing their kids into extracurriculars and community service, and BWRKs became bellbottoms. Who knew? Turns out colleges now prize the angular candidate who sports a sharply focused interest or talent.

But what if my kid is more flared than skinny straight? The expert says calm down. The world needs loose-fit, relaxed, and all shapes and sizes (except maybe mom jeans). Well-rounded types do well in a variety of fields from medicine to movie making, and angular types create great art and discover new technologies.

It would be truly unwise to try to package our college bound teens based on any current fad in college admissions. We should cherish and celebrate their unique shape. Jay Mathews, an education reporter for The Washington Post, suggests stressed out parents repeat the following mantra: “In America, people succeed because of the quality of their character, not the notoriety of their college.” After all, some very cool people went to some un-cool sounding colleges. A little guy named Ron Reagan went to Eureka College in Illinois, and he did okay.

Muddling through the “getting in” process requires stamina, and if you’re me, peanut butter M&Ms. But a sense of humor and keeping perspective are healthier coping alternatives than say, psychotropic drugs or pulling out your already thinning hair. Let’s face it. Worrying about college won’t increase anyone’s chances of acceptance. Deep cleansing breath – it’s about who they are, not where they go.

Michele Ranard  has two children, a master's in counseling, and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Matthews, Arlene. Getting In Without Freaking Out. Three Rivers Press. 2006.

Thacker, Lloyd. http://www.educationconservancy.org/

Mathews, Jay. “Ten Ways to Reduce College Application Stress.” The Washington Post. July 3, 2007.