Things were not always rosy way back when
by Michele Ranard

1. No more diaper rash, nighttime feedings, or teething.
2. Time for conversations with adults and leisurely dinners.
3. Barney has left the building!
4. No one expects you to look young, unlined, or happy.
5. Ability to shave TWO legs, as opposed to one half, in the shower.
6. Naughty chairs and time-outs? History.
7. In-house experts for all things cyber.
8. Car seats and neon orange goldfish cracker crumbs disappear from SUV.
9. Kids have probably outgrown ear infections and maybe even asthma.
10. Sharing favorite ‘80s DVDs like “Breakfast Club” or “Say Anything.”
11. Bidding au revoir to space eating excersaucer, swing, and highchair.
12. Freshman baseball games slightly more engaging than tee-ball.
13. Pocketing the cash shelled out to babysitters to now blow on pedicures.
14. More uninterrupted minutes to read House Beautiful or Twilight.
15. Will not have to rinse another dang sippy cup until the grandkids visit.
16. Do not require a vacation when you return home from a family vacation.
17. 30-minute lunch with a friend won’t entail 30-minute packing of diaper bag.
18. Less humiliation in restaurants, at pediatrician, and during the sermon.
19. Living room reads slight more chic sans jewel-toned molded plastic playhouse.
20. Impossible to not be aware of what is cool, hip, and trendy.
21. Not expected to help with math homework!
22. Stitches or shots may not require straight jacket or your upper body strength.
23. Re-connecting with your inner adolescent may spell personal growth.
24. You have always wanted to take a course to learn…?
25. No more settling for JUST lipstick or JUST mascara before heading out the door.
26. Tenure as room parent (when no one else signed up) is over.
27. Built-in help for household chores, especially clearing out the frig.
28. When you sleep in, you’re still up before the kids.
29. Fewer temper tantrums at Target.
30. You and your child survived the seventh grade.
31. Still a hero every time you bake chocolate chip cookies.

Michele Ranard is a professional counselor, academic tutor, and freelancer with a cheeky blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.