TIPS FROM A TUTOR TO KEEP KIDS READING
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
1165 words
As a tutor, I am often asked by
parents how to keep kids reading when they are away from the classroom so their
skills remain fresh and even to stay ahead so they are prepared for the next
school year. Tutoring is always an excellent option, but there are plenty of
ways to promote reading skills at home without this expense.
The most important thing you can do
is consistently provide exposure to reading and language every single day.
Integrating more reading into children's daily lives will expand their
vocabularies, help them develop a sense of sequence and patterns, and increase
their attention spans. Keep the following tips in mind:
Think variety. Instead of staying limited to chapter books within their
reading level or the same fiction they typically gravitate toward, encourage
them to consider the myriad of choices. Together, explore the diverse variety
of books and magazines at the bookstore, online, and at the library. The
exposure to multiple types of print and genres stretches readers and will offer
options they may not have considered otherwise.
For example, if your student loves
the science fiction genre, introduce her to astronomy books and sites like
NASA’s (http://nasa.gov). Is it spaceships that fascinate? Perhaps they will
enjoy reading about aeronautical engineering topics.
Make reading inviting. Do they prefer e-tablets? Then by all means, encourage
this! You can also set up cozy reading areas in different parts of your home
(every room if possible!) so that kids are drawn to read books without being
asked to do so. Let them build forts equipped with books, flashlights and
pillows for hours of escape. A teepee or a huge pile of pillows makes the
perfect nest to get lost in a story.
If you are really desperate for a
dreamy tent of all reading tents, watch The
Holiday and take mental notes of that incredible one Jude Law’s daughters
in the film play inside.
Be a matchmaker. Be sensitive to kids' interests to match them up with
books. If they are passionate about playing baseball, visit the library and seek
titles about the subject. If there is a television show or movie they are
especially moved by, find related books so they can explore further.
Bestselling author Jim Patterson
offers this advice (2011) to parents for resources to find books: “ReadKiddoRead.com, GuysRead.com, and Oprah.com's Kids
Reading List are excellent resources, and they're simpler to use than an
iPhone. The American Library
Association and the Young Adult Library
Services Association have recommendations for terrific books, easily found by
searching "ALA reading lists." DropEverythingandRead.com
has a "Favorite D.E.A.R. Books" tab on its home page.”
Bend the rules. It’s okay to occasionally bend the rules at bedtime (maybe
an extra 20 minutes) to encourage reading in bed. Make sure their reading
material at night is not scary or apt to give them bad dreams.
Think back to your own childhood and
special late nights when you may have not been able to put down a life changing
book. As a 7-year-old, I personally loved to read and reread Andrew Henry’s Meadow as I was in love
with the idea of having a special little house of my own away from my family’s
busy and over-stimulating household.
Extra
help for boys. Since current research suggest boys
may be getting worse at reading, it is more important than ever that they find
reading which is of special interest to them. Guys Read (http://www.guysread.com/) is a website devoted to a collection of book titles that
many guys have reported they like. “Outer Space Except With Aliens,” “At Least
One Explosion,” or “Mysterious Occurrences” are just a few categories dudes
will discover on this awesome site.
Bag the books. Have a tote full of books in the car or near the door so
that there are always books on hand to read for errands, appointments and moments
when kids may be waiting. E-tablets may be replacing a bag of books, but do not
underestimate the power of engaging illustrations and the joy of turning pages.
Don't sweat reading levels. Do not be overly concerned with the reading level of the
material your child chooses. You want kids to fall in love with reading and not
be turned off by limits. So don't worry if your child turns to some selections
you consider too juvenile or advanced. Do they want to read it? Let them read
it!
Read aloud. Be willing to read aloud to your children even if a part of
you feels they are way too old for it because they are not. When reading aloud
to older children you can stop and ask questions and check for understanding.
Hearing language and new vocabulary and forming images as they listen counts
and matters. Don't limit reading aloud to bedtime either. You could make it an
after-dinner or breakfast ritual.
One of my favorite read alouds with
my tutoring students over the years is Granny
Torrelli Makes Soup by Sharon Creech (2005). A charming Italian grandmother
imparts cooking and life advice to her angsty tween, and if you can pull off an
Italian accent, you will enrich the storytelling even more and have your kids
entranced!
Don't be a hypocrite. You already know this, but I am going to nag further. Get
caught reading. Practice what you preach to reinforce the habit. Let your
children witness you reading your Nook, novels, the paper, magazines, recipes,
and mail. Point out street signs and billboards when you're in the car and ask questions
to check for understanding.
It is always curious to me when
parents who enroll their student in tutoring for reading fail to see a
connection between their own reticence to read and their child’s. Rome wasn’t
built in a day, and it’s okay to take baby steps, but make sure they see those
baby steps.
Celebrate. Use your judgment as your kids may not need any reward
program in place to motivate them. If they do, instead of setting a huge goal
(100 books read by end of summer!), think more realistically and shorter term.
Set an achievable weekly goal and a reasonable weekly reward.
Pay attention to current research. Sometimes it is simply one click away. Visit Reading Rockets (http://www.readingrockets.org/)
for a wealth of reading strategies, lessons, and activities to help kids read better.
You will find awesome ideas to build fluency, vocabulary, and comprehension.
Be prepared for occasional whining. There are bound to be moments when kids are simply not in
the mood to read. Have alternative language-building activities in mind for such
times. Let them dictate a story and then read it back to them. Or ask them to
write 50 words that begin with "B." Work on a crossword puzzle
together. The idea is to stay immersed in words, letters and language every
day.
All of these tips will help your
child feel more confident and lend themselves to opportunities for high-quality
connection with your child — which is always time well spent.
Michele Ranard is a freelance writer
who has worked as an academic tutor for a decade. She has a husband, two sons
and a master's degree in counseling.
Resources
Burn, Doris. Andrew
Henry’s Meadow. San Juan Publishing. 1965.Creech, Sharon. Granny Torrelli Makes Soup. Harper Collins. 2005.
Patterson, James. How to Get Your Kid to Be a Fanatic Reader. CNN. September 2011. http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/28/opinion/patterson-kids-reading/index.html.
Reading Rockets. http://www.readingrockets.org/.
21 Parental Triumphs
Good Reasons to Let Us Eat Cake
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
620 words
It’s the little things, as they say. Assorted daily small victories—triumphs even—that only parents who aren’t perfect or posers can truly celebrate. This list of personal favorites is decidedly one-off and twisted…not unlike living with the children we cherish.
620 words
It’s the little things, as they say. Assorted daily small victories—triumphs even—that only parents who aren’t perfect or posers can truly celebrate. This list of personal favorites is decidedly one-off and twisted…not unlike living with the children we cherish.
Can you claim any of the following parental victories? Well
then, it is only fitting you get your just desserts.
1. Queen of Milk. Upon discovering you were all out, you dragged yourself to the market in the pouring rain to buy organic soy milk for the kids’ French toast rather than lazily substituting that frozen breast milk.
2. You’re All That. You managed to sail through an entire day without being barfed on or called “an inferior being who supplied these genes” once.
3. Responsible is Your Middle Name. Even though it was a temptation, you did NOT ask the UPS guy to “Please please please just keep an eye on Aidan in the ExcerSaucer for five minutes while I shower.”
4. It Really is the Little Things. You miraculously remembered to empty your teen’s pockets of his iPhone and driver’s permit before throwing in a load of laundry.
5. Patience is Yours. After helping your 5th grader prepare for the physical science exam, no one required traction or reconstructive surgery.
6. Your Awesome-ish is Legendary. Everyone under the roof has clean underwear to wear tomorrow.
7. Oh Yeahhhhhh, You’ve Still Got it. One of the kids commented “Your eyes aren’t as bloodshot and scary like yesterday, mommy.”
8. Cuz You’re Graceful. Last night when you tripped, you did not accidentally impale yourself on a Lego sculpture carelessly lying near that puddle of urine in which you slipped.
9. You’ve Always Been Well-groomed. Appearing relaxed and chic at the library’s story hour, no one complimented you on the "adorable grandchild."
10. When You’ve Got it, You’ve Got it. After 7th grader Ashley handed you her midterm grade report, you didn’t respond with “We are going to have to let you go.”
11. Social Networking Proves It. Your Facebook status reads more Mr. Rogers than Charlie Sheen.
12. It’s All in the Details. You prevented your child from being scarred for life and avoided a messy Family Services investigation by successfully packing your 9-year-old’s lunch without tossing in a can of Bud-Light (which looks eerily similar to blue cans of apple juice at 5:30 a.m.).
13.
Move Over, Top Chef. Some version of
“Best brownies in the galaxy!” was declared after dinner and not “Daaaaaad! Hand me a straw for Ma's meatloaf!”1. Queen of Milk. Upon discovering you were all out, you dragged yourself to the market in the pouring rain to buy organic soy milk for the kids’ French toast rather than lazily substituting that frozen breast milk.
2. You’re All That. You managed to sail through an entire day without being barfed on or called “an inferior being who supplied these genes” once.
3. Responsible is Your Middle Name. Even though it was a temptation, you did NOT ask the UPS guy to “Please please please just keep an eye on Aidan in the ExcerSaucer for five minutes while I shower.”
4. It Really is the Little Things. You miraculously remembered to empty your teen’s pockets of his iPhone and driver’s permit before throwing in a load of laundry.
5. Patience is Yours. After helping your 5th grader prepare for the physical science exam, no one required traction or reconstructive surgery.
6. Your Awesome-ish is Legendary. Everyone under the roof has clean underwear to wear tomorrow.
7. Oh Yeahhhhhh, You’ve Still Got it. One of the kids commented “Your eyes aren’t as bloodshot and scary like yesterday, mommy.”
8. Cuz You’re Graceful. Last night when you tripped, you did not accidentally impale yourself on a Lego sculpture carelessly lying near that puddle of urine in which you slipped.
9. You’ve Always Been Well-groomed. Appearing relaxed and chic at the library’s story hour, no one complimented you on the "adorable grandchild."
10. When You’ve Got it, You’ve Got it. After 7th grader Ashley handed you her midterm grade report, you didn’t respond with “We are going to have to let you go.”
11. Social Networking Proves It. Your Facebook status reads more Mr. Rogers than Charlie Sheen.
12. It’s All in the Details. You prevented your child from being scarred for life and avoided a messy Family Services investigation by successfully packing your 9-year-old’s lunch without tossing in a can of Bud-Light (which looks eerily similar to blue cans of apple juice at 5:30 a.m.).
14. Because You’re Amazing. When the 16 year-old sent the text about the $350 speeding ticket, you refrained from reacting with roundhouse kicks and binge drinking.
15.
They Are all Just Teaching Moments. When
your tween announced SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT MORE TOILET PAPER ON THE ROLL, you
calmly, without sarcasm suggested that “someone” might be “him.”
16.
Hallelujah, You Rock. You managed
the impossible: you took a nap today while your infant napped.
17.
Advocacy is Your Strong Suit. Neither
anxiety nor rage overtook you when your first-grader’s teacher announced your
child’s impulsivity and failure to master phonics seem likely to lead to a life
of crime.
18.
Always the Bearer of Sweet News! The
text sent to your spouse tonight read “Oops we r outta diapers” and not “Oops firstborn
needs bail.”
19. Diva, Diva, Diva. If you’re a mom, you actually found adequate minutes to shave BOTH legs in the shower.
20. Handsome Devil. If you’re a dad, a portrait of you created by your preschooler is charming, without obvious horns or a pitchfork.
21. King of Orthodontia. You retrieved your 6th grader’s expensive retainer accidentally thrown away in the trash bin three days ago.
Michele Ranard has three backup stashes of Peanut Butter M&Ms, a husband, two sons, and a master’s in counseling. She has a blog at http://hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.
19. Diva, Diva, Diva. If you’re a mom, you actually found adequate minutes to shave BOTH legs in the shower.
20. Handsome Devil. If you’re a dad, a portrait of you created by your preschooler is charming, without obvious horns or a pitchfork.
21. King of Orthodontia. You retrieved your 6th grader’s expensive retainer accidentally thrown away in the trash bin three days ago.
Michele Ranard has three backup stashes of Peanut Butter M&Ms, a husband, two sons, and a master’s in counseling. She has a blog at http://hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.
ENCOURAGE YOUR PRESCHOOLER’S VOCABULARY
5 Ways to Get Ready to
Read!by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
790 wds
Who can forget their child’s first word? It was likely your
name, but maybe it was “bawww” (ball) which lit up your faces with a smile. It feels
natural to celebrate, praise, and applaud our toddlers as they acquire new language
skills daily. In turn, such enthusiasm reinforces a child’s to speak additional
words.
However,
McMurray’s research indicates a vocabulary explosion (or “word
spurt”) is dependent upon a child learning a mix of words, both easy and not
easy and all at once. Interestingly, vocabulary explosions specifically require
“more difficult words than easy words.” The
professor and other language professionals make the following suggestions to boost
your child’s verbal skills.
Mealtime Magic (Hold
the Thesaurus)
A child’s vocabulary
can be enhanced by our talk at the dinner table. Use moments at mealtimes
to introduce new words, especially challenging ones since you’ll have their
attention in a pleasant setting. What to discuss? In a mealtime study, Dr. Diane
Beals and her colleagues of the University of Tulsa discovered that 3- and
4-year-olds who were exposed to uncommon words such as “boxer,” “wriggling,” or
“tackle,” scored higher on later standardized tests at age 5. Beals says forget
about serving up a thesaurus at the table and instead discuss “your day or
something cool you saw at the store.” Bringing in new words helps them form
connections between words and real-life events.
Lovely Language from
Lit
Reading your child a
story creates magic for both of you and is beneficial to their growing
vocabulary when you ask lots of questions during the story, checking for
understanding. If your preschooler does not recognize a word when you quiz
her, ask her to study the illustration for clues. Classics like Where the Wild Things Are contain new
words your child may not otherwise hear and accommodate such as “rumpus” and
“gnashed.” Throughout the book, continue to interact with your child, asking
open-ended questions such as “What do you suppose will happen next?” and “Why
do you suppose Max felt so angry?” Such interactions involving novel vocabulary
will improve the quality of their language skills, setting them up for
increased success in school.
Guessing for Success
Consider a little
restraint to challenge your child. Dr. McMurray suggests instead of
automatically doling out definitions for your preschooler when they stumped on
a word’s meaning, you should give clues and allow her to figure it out on her
own. If, for example, the word in question is “equestrian,” give her hints such
as saddle, mane or stable. It can also be helpful to “tell them what it isn’t”
So you could say “not cows, but…”
Stage Your Own ‘Show
& Tell’
Who says “show and
tell” is just for school? You can easily use this format to describe and
discuss an object to expand their vocabulary outside of school. You might
demonstrate the hand chopper you use to dice vegetables, explaining how the
appliance functions and saves you time. You could show your child the checks in
your checkbook, discussing how the small sheets of paper may be used for
payments. The important thing is to have your child’s attention and provide something
to touch and to see to anchor vocabulary within their memories.
Make Believe &
Mime
Engaging your child in
pretend play will introduce her to a wider variety of vocabulary words. If
you are playing restaurant, for example, there are all sorts of unfamiliar
words which can be integrated into the session—including menu, hostess,
variety, or beverage. If she wants to land on the moon, vocabulary words such
as lunar, satellite, or gravity might be incorporated.
Outside of pretend play, parents can help their children
better remember the meanings of words by acting them out. Even simply
explaining that shrugging your shoulders means “I don’t know” is helpful.
Is all the acting and drama really necessary? Consider a new
University of Chicago
Try all five of these strategies to boost your child’s
verbal repertoire today and help her become a better reader tomorrow.
Michele Ranard is
passionate about partnering with parents to help kids succeed. She is a mother,
academic tutor/counselor, and freelancer with a master’s in counseling.
Resources:
Goldin-Meadow, Susan. “Kids’ Gestures Foretell Better
Vocabularies.” Journal of Developmental Psychology.
Feb 2009. http://goldin-meadow-lab.uchicago.edu/sgm.html
McMurray, Bob. “Defusing the Childhood Vocabulary
Explosion.” Science. August 2007. http://www.psychology.uiowa.edu/faculty/mcmurray/science/
Holiday Road Trip Unplugged Wonder
8 Activities Prove Half
the Fun is Getting There.by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
576 wds
Are you headed over the river and through the woods this
year? Are you praying it will be a pleasant sleigh ride with minimal whining,
bladder issues, and weary traveler meltdowns? I hear you.
Family road trips have undoubtedly changed since we were in
the backseat...remember what a big deal it was when FM joined AM on the radio? (No?
Never mind). High tech handhelds, electronic games, DVDs, and more should provide
our kids with sufficient entertainment to stave off boredom and enjoy the ride,
right? Except they may not be able to create opportunities for bonding and
memory-making the way old school road trips rolled.
Electronic media can sometimes leave family members
disconnected, and viewing “The Incredibles” more than 75 times honestly triggers
hives in certain parents. So an unplugged adventure may be just be what
everyone needs. After all, there are plenty of healthy creative unplugged
activities for kids to keep them occupied on long drives.
Here are some suggestions to create lasting memories even before
you arrive at your destination and to re-connect with the ones you love most.
1. Pipe Cleaner Paradise . A pack of inexpensive pipe cleaners
and a nail clipper will keep fidgety kids happy for long stretches of travel
time. They can bend the fuzzy sticks or wrap them around pencils to form
cheerful colorful creatures. The best part? When they’re satisfied with their creation,
they can play imaginative games with them for more stimulating fun. They can
share them with you and make up a story about the creature’s adventure to a
faraway planet.
2. Cootie Catcher. Remember these things? You pick a color,
then a number, and then you get to read your fortune. You need only show your
kids how this works once before they’ll be able to come up with variations and
stay busy for hours!
3. Figures & Games With String. Supplies required? Wait for it…string. They can make “Jacob’s
Ladder,” “Kitty Whiskers,” “Cup and Saucer,” or play “Cat’s Cradle.” AND IT”S
QUIET!!!
4. Go Nuts With Foil. Remember when shiny, reflective aluminum
foil was as magical to you as fairy dust? Remove the foil from the box with the
razor sharp edge, and provide your artful imaginative kids with a cheap roll to
go to town! Perhaps, they will transform themselves into superheroes, making
masks and “power bracelets.” Perhaps, they will enjoy constructing tiaras,
jewelry, and headbands. In any case, they will discover the fun of sculpting
foil into cool animals and more—with no cleanup!
5. Old School Card Games.
Card games are smart for traveling because a deck is so easy to transport, and
there are so many variations of games to play. Crazy Eights and Old Maid are
two possible kid pleasers.
6. License Plate Game.
Before you depart for your trip, print out a map of the U.S. so children can
color in the states as they see license plates. They can even record the time
and date they saw it.
7. Virtual Hide and Seek. This guessing game is a hoot! Pick a
place inside your house to hide—and here’s the fun part—it can be any size at
all! A sock drawer, the dishwasher, the medicine cabinet…everybody asks
questions until they narrow it down and find you.
8. Make a Wacky Roadside Stop. Go to the website www.roadsideamerica.com
to find quirky, eccentric, touristy places to visit. The kids will remember
these nutty detours with you forever.
Michele Ranard has a
master’s in counseling and a passion for helping families and children.
GIVE YOUR PRESCHOOLER AN EDGE
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
1090 words
Everywhere you turn it seems there
is a new marketing scheme to suck us into purchasing something to propel our
preschoolers to the head of the class.As well-meaning parents, we may be
vulnerable to thinking “inside information” or alternative fast tracks will get
our children there.
However, research and advice from
early childhood experts on emerging literacy are more reliable than the latest
hype. Their advice may not always have a sexy ring to it, but experts suggest
the best foundation—those important first steps leading your child to the point
she’s ready to read—grows from daily experiences at home.
Opportunities to Seize
In the Children’s Learning Opportunities Report (2000), Carl Dunst
conceptualizes opportunities for language development and early literacy in
terms of incidental and intentional opportunities.
Incidental opportunities might
include watching leaves blow while on a walk, blowing on food when it’s too
hot, or talking about body parts during bath time. Intentional activities might
include story hour at the library or a trip to the zoo. Dunst says children
need activity settings matched to their interests
and competencies to practice existing
skills and learn new abilities. Therefore, he suggests parents:
1. Identify your young child’s INTERESTS:
• What makes your child smile or
laugh?
• What makes your child happy and
feel good?
• What are your child’s favorite
things?
• What is enjoyable to your child?
• What does your child work hard
at doing?
2. Identify your young child’s COMPETENCIES:
• What gets and keeps your child’s
attention?
• What is your child good at
doing?
• What “brings out the best” in
your child?
• What does your child like to do
a lot?
• What gets your child to try new
things?
It truly is the everyday stuff
which can give preschoolers an edge. Repetition during meal time, bath time,
diaper changes, and bedtime story routines primes young children for later
school success. Sound too simple? It’s not. Rosenkoetter and Barton’s Bridges to Literacy (2002) encourages
parents to think of building bridges to literacy by providing experiences that
include print, responsiveness, repetition,
modeling and motivation, and oral language.
3. Think PRINT.
Reading time may be brief but must
happen every day. Learning helps kids explore new worlds, laugh across
generations, and discover amazing and ordinary things. Sharing stories can be a
balm for irritable or fussy children. As Rosenkoetter and Barton (2002)
explain:
“Shared reading also provides
security and calms children’s restlessness.”
Reading together should be
relaxing and fun. It is not just about the exposure to language, it’s about
creating happy reading memories which set the stage for a love of reading.
4. Stay RESPONSIVE.
For early literacy, you want your
child to learn: language is fun, she can do it well, and she can get results
from using it. When your child speaks, help her feel successful by giving her
the attention and lots of positive affirmation.
5. Provide REPETITION with routine schedules.
Provide routine schedules that use
familiar phrases (such as“let’s have some lunch” or “scrub-a-dub-dub”) and cues
at key times during the day. Nap and bedtime routines should be kept the same,
and reading the same book over and over helps strengthen the foundation for
later academic success.
6. Be a consistent MODEL and MOTIVATOR.
It’s important your child sees you
reading since “Such routines demonstrate that reading is
important in the lives of older
people and draws attention to the value of reading for coping with everyday
life” (Rosenkoetter, 2002).
At home, point out that you are
reading the newspaper or a recipe. On car rides, be intentional as you point
out signs on the road or the names on store fronts. It’s also important to
write and draw with your child. “When children draw pictures, their verbal
comments should regularly be written on the page and read aloud.”
7. Use ORAL LANGUAGE.
Quantity matters; so talk a lot. You want to expose your child to as
many words an hour as possible. Talk to your child during work and play.
Chitchat has a big payoff and translates into broader vocabularies and higher
levels of reading later.
In Learning to Read the World (2004) Rosenkoetter and Knapp-Philo
explain how learning from their daily explorations with everyday people and
objects, a preschooler “builds many other understandings of self and
others…young children begin to ‘read their world’ and to have wider and greater
impact upon it.” Parents can help them read their world long before they learn
to read!
Nurturance & Connection Opportunities
Psychologist Richard Weissbourd,
author of The Parents We Mean to Be
(Mariner, 2010) warns we frequently miss opportunities to connect and teach
valuable moral lessons to our kids.
“Too many of us are raising
children first and foremost to be happy and we are failing at that
project—rather than instilling in them what the novelist William Faulkner
thought we as a species needed to prevail: ‘a spirit capable of compassion and
sacrifice and endurance.’” Consider these ultra-simple opportunities for
connection.
8. LAUGH
‘til your cheeks ache.
The latest research supports that
laughter can decrease stress hormones and boost the immune system! As Daniel
Pink points out in A Whole New Mind
(Riverhead, 2005)“laughter is a social activity—and the evidence is vast that
people who have regular, satisfying connections to other people are healthier
and happier.” Tell jokes, watch comedy, and most importantly, model a good
sense of humor yourself.
Habitually ask your child what
they think they do well, and then have them demonstrate. For our son, it always
thrilled him to show off his ability to effortlessly walk on his hands. What is
it for your own preschooler? Writing the alphabet? Pouring juice without help?
They love showing you their new skills and strengths, and your glowing response
makes them feel ten feet tall.
10. Leave work behind.
Of course, this is easier said
than done. But take as many family vacations as your employment allows. The
opportunities which will spring from the time away from the grind relaxing with
your children are pure GOLD and will add up to memories for a lifetime. No one
at the end of their life wishes they had just taken less vacation.
Michele Ranard has been helping students and families as a
private tutor for a decade. She has a husband, two children, and a master’s in
counseling.
Sidebars:
80 words/11. Seize this Opportunity: Listen to highs and lows.
Implement this easy best/worst
exercise into every meal-time conversation. Ask your child to identify their
best and worst daily moments. (Don’t use this time to lecture if their ‘worst’
moment involves feeling mad at you.) Open your heart and connect with the
feelings they express. Share their joy! Cry with them over defeat. If you
haven’t tried this, you may be surprised at how much you’ll learn about your
kids’ inner lives.
52 words/12. Seize this Opportunity: Create a “We.”
Rally your preschooler to help
with a project. Whether it is helping an elderly neighbor with gardening,
painting a bench, bathing the dog, or organizing the toy room, join forces and
see that the fruits of your labor extend way beyond an afternoon of hard work.
Whether you attend religious
services or not, be intentional about discussing and modeling the values of
your faith. It is quite easy to get caught up in the realm of the physical
world so it takes conscious effort on your part to provide balance.
Resources:
Dunst, Carl. “Everyday Children’s
Learning Opportunities: Characteristics and Consequences.” Children’s Learning Opportunities Report, Volume Two, Number One.
2000.
Pink, Daniel H. A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will
Rule the Future. Riverhead, 2005.
Rosenkoetter, S.E., and Barton, L.
(2002) Bridges To Literacy: Early
Routines That Promote Later School Success. Zero To Three.
Rosenkoetter, S.E., and
Knapp-Philo, J. (2004). Learning to read
the world: Literacy in the first 3 years. Zero to Three (25)1.
Weissbourd, Richard. The Parents We Mean to Be: How Well
Intentioned Adults Undermine Children’s Moral and Emotional Development.
Mariner, 2010.
DON’T DELAY!
4 Tips to Minimize Procrastination. by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
690 words
Procrastination may be a tendency as human as eating and sleeping, but certain children seem more vulnerable than others and may need some assistance. In The Procrastinating Child (2002), Rita Emmett conceptualizes procrastination as a nasty habit both children and adults can correct.
What is the cause of our frequent delays, and is there really
more to it than laziness or fear? Carleton University researcher Timothy Pychyl
studies procrastination and believes to understand it we must take into account
“self-defeating behavior including: emotions, self-regulation, the role
of personality interacting
with situation and how we perceive reward.”
Here are some tips to increase productivity gleaned from the
expertise of Pychyl and other experts on the topic.
1. Ditch the Nike Cliche.
To combat the tendency to put things off, expert and author of
The Now Habit (2007) Neil Fiore
suggests transforming the thought “I don’t want to” into “I wonder what will
come?” Sound simple? This sort of attitude adjustment is powerful. In a sense,
the subtle shift in mindset tricks the brain into a more productive mode.
Another effective shift in thinking is switching from the
attitude “Just do it” to “Just get started.” Carleton University researcher
Timothy Pychyl (2008) conducted a series of studies on procrastination and
found that the participant’s perception of the tasks they needed to get done
was significant. Once we get started on a task, it’s rarely as bad as we
thought. The phrase “Just get started” was more powerful in helping
participants see the thing they wanted to do was not really that frightening.
And it’s okay if the task doesn’t get finished right away. As
Pychyl writes “Even if we don't finish the task, we have done something, and
the next day our attributions about self are not nearly as negative. We feel
more in control and more optimistic. You might even say we have a little
momentum.”
Pychyl’s 2010 study revealed that
to stop putting off a task, forgiving onesself is effective to stop
procrastinating. When you self-forgive, the chance you will delay getting down
to business in the future will decrease. Apparently, the negative emotions
surrounding the task are eased with forgiveness.
It may also be helpful to talk to your child about how
perfectionism robs productivity. Kids need to be reminded it is okay to make
mistakes so explain “not perfect” is altogether different from “fail.”
One of the best ways to help them become more comfortable with
accepting mistakes is through modeling. Seeing a parent acknowledge their own
daily errors (and responding with humor and compassion for the missteps) is
both a gift and permission to be more accepting.
Emmett recommends helping children break overwhelming tasks
into smaller chunks. If your child has an upcoming test and simply cannot get
the gears in motion to prepare, help her get organized. Look at the task of
test preparation as a series of baby steps. Help her make a short list for a
plan of attack.
A great strategy for older kids and their parents from Emmett’s
book:
*Select a task
you’ve been putting off.
*Time yourself
and take one hour to accomplish the task.
*Ignore
everything around you, such as the phone and other tasks
*No breaks.
*Give yourself a
reward once the task is complete.
4. Set expectations & Write it down.
Parents can influence their children’s productivity by
setting firm rules at home, offering rewards, and making lists. The basic rule
of “No TV until your homework or housework is done” is an obvious place to
begin to curb the procrastination. Screen time can be suspended or offered as a
reward for successful time management.
Make lists for everything so there can be no excuses.
Adolescents are especially prone to selective memory even when rules are
clearly articulated. Notes are more effective than nagging for gentle reminders
of chores, appointments and expectations.
Hopefully these suggestions will help you feel proactive in
helping your children develop better habits that will serve them well through
adulthood.
Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling.
Resources:
Fiore, Neil. 2007. The
Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying
Guilt-Free Play. Tarcher.
Pychyl, T.A. Don’t Delay: Understanding Procrastination and
How to Achieve Your Goals. Psychology
Today. March 26, 2008.
Wohl, M.J.A.,
Pychyl, T.A., & Bennet, S.H. (2010). I forgive myself, now I can
study: How self-forgiveness for procrastinating can reduce future
procrastination. Personality and Individual Differences, 48, 803-808.
THE UPSIDE OF
PARENTING TEENS
Seeing the joy and
savoring this phase. by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
670 wds
Living with teenagers can have its challenging moments for
parents. They frequently want more freedom than what they are prepared to
handle. There are boundary issues, rebellion, and identity crises. Parents may experience
their own identity crises as well. Experts say it’s dangerous and unhealthy to take
on the role of “friend” as they must see
you as an authority. Yet there are plenty of moments it feels more than natural
to do so—to laugh, share music, and learn new things together.
In spite of the rollercoaster adolescence can feel like, I
am not a fan of simply trying to “survive” this developmental chapter. There is
too much to celebrate about parenting these young adults, and the trick is
becoming more intentional about savoring them. It’s easy to forget things were not
always so rosy when they were younger and more dependent.
Six Reminders to Stay
Optimistic
To the rescue? A half dozen reminders from a parent who
truly understands days when they forget to open the garage door before backing out
with the car AND some bizarre fashion choices.
2. You both navigated childhood successfully. Cue the confetti. It’s worth celebrating. Really. It wasn’t always unicorns and rainbows—remember chronic ear infections, all those meals they couldn’t cut up their pork chop, and the demonic temper tantrums in the grocery cart? Bravo. You made it.
3. Their identity crisis makes you more accountable. At first blush, this may not sound savor-worthy, but think about it. Because they are forming opinions and making discoveries about themselves, you are probably held more accountable. And that’s good for both of you. Are you worried about the dangers of alcohol and drug-use for them? If so, you are likely modeling better behavior since they are watching. Part of their process as they clarify who they are morally and ethically is influenced by interactions with you and what they observe at home.
4. You have more time. And time is
money. Teens are less dependent on you so you likely have extra time now for
personal interests. Suddenly you are freed up to explore what makes your
heart sing, devote more time to church, and spend uninterrupted time with your
spouse. The pressure to rush home to the sitter or carve out “mommy and
daddy time” is over and probably a welcome change. If your kids made you
feel guilty about doing anything fun without them, this is probably past
history. Traveling or entertaining at home? Suddenly much less-stressful.
5. You have the opportunity for meaningful discussions. It’s one thing to discuss matters of faith when they’re 10. But as young adults, the ongoing dialogue about faith, philosophy, and character has life altering potential. They may come to you for spiritual guidance or ethical dilemmas, and engaging them in such conversations (with compassion and understanding) can have soulful consequences.
6. You may have more household help. It’s nice when there are strong arms around capable of operating a vacuum, the microwave, and the washing machine. Even if you have to nag, sending them to the grocery store is a perk. And it’s easy to forget that just a short time ago you had to drag them with you on those boring errands but now they can stay behind happily.
If you pay attention only to the media and the latest best-selling nonfiction, you may be horrified and convinced our teens belong to Generation Slut, Generation Me, or worse. You could be misled since there are plenty of wonderful qualities emerging in adolescence. We just have to be sensitive enough to notice.
Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling.
THE PERKS OF A SIMPLIFIED HOME
4 Treasures Gained From De-clutteringby Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
790 words
“The
ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary
may speak.”
--Hans
Hoffman
Almost
every home owner I know talks passionately about wanting to simplify and slow
down, and truly there are a host of pathways to get there. So what stops us
from taking that first step? Maybe it’s that we haven’t first fully explored the
payoffs for simplifying. In Organized
Simplicity (2010), expert Tsh Oxenreider explains that in addition to
gaining freed up storage, there are all sorts of additional perks from tossing
out needless stuff.
The Big Payoff
The
following are four side effects of simplifying she mentions in the book:
1. More Time for Others. A
home filled with lots of stuff can often leave us feeling unfulfilled. For
example, a home high in square footage is also high in maintenance. Getting
behind in housework can mean less time for social connections or entertaining. In
contrast, by streamlining and living with less, we are rewarded with more time
for those things which matter most. Oxenreider says “It’s a bummer when being
responsible means being chained to your stuff and your schedules, instead of
enjoying relationships in a slower-paced way.”
2. Improved Health. Simplifying allows the focus to be on what is most important, including health. When the objects we own work for us instead of the other way around, suddenly home becomes a haven. Cluttered lives filled with excess can take a toll on mental and physical health because of the stress created by clutter. Too many extracurricular activities and long work hours can lead to compromised health as well. Oxenreider reminds that when we feel stressed, we often lose sleep, and “Not enough sleep means an increased chance of depression, weight gain, high blood pressure, and perpetual grouchiness.”
3. Financial Well-Being. This is an obvious and glorious side effect of more simplistic living. With less stuff to store, water, maintain, and buy, we are rewarded with happier wallets. De-cluttering has a domino effect. A de-cluttered kitchen is easier to clean, more inviting to cook in, and saves us money because we are more likely to want to eat in. Less eating out will likely mean consuming less calories, and skinnier versions of ourselves may lead to savings in healthcare costs.
4. It’s Environmentally-friendly. When our households have less stuff, we simply don’t need as much space. Less space means lower utilities, which is both financially savvy and ecologically sound. We will use less electricity, less gas, and less water to keep our places running.
Ideas
for De-cluttering
Start
de-cluttering where it will help the most.
Self-proclaimed clean freak blogger Clean
Mama says if it’s your kitchen that is up for grabs, start there. “Too many
clothes that don't fit or aren't your style anymore? Start with your closet.
Stepped on a Lego for the last time? Start with the kids' toys.” She says successful
de-cluttering leads you to de-clutter other spaces.
Don’t
buy new organizing stuff. Clean Mama
recommends using what you already have to get organized so you aren't adding
more objects to the mix. She says “Re-purpose a basket or box to organize your
magazines in lieu of buying a new magazine basket.”
Ask these 10 questions. Oxenreider
recommends these 10 questions to assess what stays and what goes:
1. Is
it something I use regularly?
2. If
not, do I love it?3. Am I keeping it out of obligation?
4. Am I holding on to it because I think I should love it?
5. Am I saving this just in case?
6. Do I have multiples of the same thing?
7. Could something else I own do the same job?
8. Am I holding on to a broken item to fix one day?
9. Is this item worth the time cleaning/storing it?
10. Could I use this space for something else?
Think
“small chunks.” You don’t have to save the world in
a day. Professional organizer Samantha Buck suggests setting a timer for
yourself. “I like to set a timer for 30 minutes and work fast as I can to
complete de-cluttering projects. You'll be amazed at how much you can get done
by using the clock to challenge yourself.”
Pay attention
to what you toss. Organizing guru and author of When Organizing Isn’t Enough (2008), Julie Morgenstern, says “The
process of throwing things out forces you to recognize what your attachment
is.” Noticing will help you limit what you
bring home so it won’t be necessary to invest in more storage items (or a
bigger house!).
We
have so much to gain from losing the unnecessary! Everything truly meaningful
will suddenly come into greater focus as the things that don’t matter grow dim.
Michele Ranard has a husband, two
children, and a master’s in counseling.
Resources:
Buck, Samantha. Lifeorganizeit.comClean Mama. http://cleanmama.blogspot.com/
Morgenstern, Julie. When Organizing Isn’t Enough. Fireside, 2008.
Oxenreider, Tsh. Organized Simplicity: The Clutter-Free Approach to Intentional Living. Better Way Home. 2010.
