the upside of parenting teens
3:16 PM
THE UPSIDE OF
PARENTING TEENS
Seeing the joy and
savoring this phase. by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
670 wds
Living with teenagers can have its challenging moments for
parents. They frequently want more freedom than what they are prepared to
handle. There are boundary issues, rebellion, and identity crises. Parents may experience
their own identity crises as well. Experts say it’s dangerous and unhealthy to take
on the role of “friend” as they must see
you as an authority. Yet there are plenty of moments it feels more than natural
to do so—to laugh, share music, and learn new things together.
In spite of the rollercoaster adolescence can feel like, I
am not a fan of simply trying to “survive” this developmental chapter. There is
too much to celebrate about parenting these young adults, and the trick is
becoming more intentional about savoring them. It’s easy to forget things were not
always so rosy when they were younger and more dependent.
Six Reminders to Stay
Optimistic
To the rescue? A half dozen reminders from a parent who
truly understands days when they forget to open the garage door before backing out
with the car AND some bizarre fashion choices.
2. You both navigated childhood successfully. Cue the confetti. It’s worth celebrating. Really. It wasn’t always unicorns and rainbows—remember chronic ear infections, all those meals they couldn’t cut up their pork chop, and the demonic temper tantrums in the grocery cart? Bravo. You made it.
3. Their identity crisis makes you more accountable. At first blush, this may not sound savor-worthy, but think about it. Because they are forming opinions and making discoveries about themselves, you are probably held more accountable. And that’s good for both of you. Are you worried about the dangers of alcohol and drug-use for them? If so, you are likely modeling better behavior since they are watching. Part of their process as they clarify who they are morally and ethically is influenced by interactions with you and what they observe at home.
4. You have more time. And time is
money. Teens are less dependent on you so you likely have extra time now for
personal interests. Suddenly you are freed up to explore what makes your
heart sing, devote more time to church, and spend uninterrupted time with your
spouse. The pressure to rush home to the sitter or carve out “mommy and
daddy time” is over and probably a welcome change. If your kids made you
feel guilty about doing anything fun without them, this is probably past
history. Traveling or entertaining at home? Suddenly much less-stressful.
5. You have the opportunity for meaningful discussions. It’s one thing to discuss matters of faith when they’re 10. But as young adults, the ongoing dialogue about faith, philosophy, and character has life altering potential. They may come to you for spiritual guidance or ethical dilemmas, and engaging them in such conversations (with compassion and understanding) can have soulful consequences.
6. You may have more household help. It’s nice when there are strong arms around capable of operating a vacuum, the microwave, and the washing machine. Even if you have to nag, sending them to the grocery store is a perk. And it’s easy to forget that just a short time ago you had to drag them with you on those boring errands but now they can stay behind happily.
If you pay attention only to the media and the latest best-selling nonfiction, you may be horrified and convinced our teens belong to Generation Slut, Generation Me, or worse. You could be misled since there are plenty of wonderful qualities emerging in adolescence. We just have to be sensitive enough to notice.
Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling.
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