21 parental triumphs
7:49 PM
21 Parental Triumphs
Good Reasons to Let Us Eat Cake
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
620 words
It’s the little things, as they say. Assorted daily small victories—triumphs even—that only parents who aren’t perfect or posers can truly celebrate. This list of personal favorites is decidedly one-off and twisted…not unlike living with the children we cherish.
620 words
It’s the little things, as they say. Assorted daily small victories—triumphs even—that only parents who aren’t perfect or posers can truly celebrate. This list of personal favorites is decidedly one-off and twisted…not unlike living with the children we cherish.
Can you claim any of the following parental victories? Well
then, it is only fitting you get your just desserts.
1. Queen of Milk. Upon discovering you were all out, you dragged yourself to the market in the pouring rain to buy organic soy milk for the kids’ French toast rather than lazily substituting that frozen breast milk.
2. You’re All That. You managed to sail through an entire day without being barfed on or called “an inferior being who supplied these genes” once.
3. Responsible is Your Middle Name. Even though it was a temptation, you did NOT ask the UPS guy to “Please please please just keep an eye on Aidan in the ExcerSaucer for five minutes while I shower.”
4. It Really is the Little Things. You miraculously remembered to empty your teen’s pockets of his iPhone and driver’s permit before throwing in a load of laundry.
5. Patience is Yours. After helping your 5th grader prepare for the physical science exam, no one required traction or reconstructive surgery.
6. Your Awesome-ish is Legendary. Everyone under the roof has clean underwear to wear tomorrow.
7. Oh Yeahhhhhh, You’ve Still Got it. One of the kids commented “Your eyes aren’t as bloodshot and scary like yesterday, mommy.”
8. Cuz You’re Graceful. Last night when you tripped, you did not accidentally impale yourself on a Lego sculpture carelessly lying near that puddle of urine in which you slipped.
9. You’ve Always Been Well-groomed. Appearing relaxed and chic at the library’s story hour, no one complimented you on the "adorable grandchild."
10. When You’ve Got it, You’ve Got it. After 7th grader Ashley handed you her midterm grade report, you didn’t respond with “We are going to have to let you go.”
11. Social Networking Proves It. Your Facebook status reads more Mr. Rogers than Charlie Sheen.
12. It’s All in the Details. You prevented your child from being scarred for life and avoided a messy Family Services investigation by successfully packing your 9-year-old’s lunch without tossing in a can of Bud-Light (which looks eerily similar to blue cans of apple juice at 5:30 a.m.).
13.
Move Over, Top Chef. Some version of
“Best brownies in the galaxy!” was declared after dinner and not “Daaaaaad! Hand me a straw for Ma's meatloaf!”1. Queen of Milk. Upon discovering you were all out, you dragged yourself to the market in the pouring rain to buy organic soy milk for the kids’ French toast rather than lazily substituting that frozen breast milk.
2. You’re All That. You managed to sail through an entire day without being barfed on or called “an inferior being who supplied these genes” once.
3. Responsible is Your Middle Name. Even though it was a temptation, you did NOT ask the UPS guy to “Please please please just keep an eye on Aidan in the ExcerSaucer for five minutes while I shower.”
4. It Really is the Little Things. You miraculously remembered to empty your teen’s pockets of his iPhone and driver’s permit before throwing in a load of laundry.
5. Patience is Yours. After helping your 5th grader prepare for the physical science exam, no one required traction or reconstructive surgery.
6. Your Awesome-ish is Legendary. Everyone under the roof has clean underwear to wear tomorrow.
7. Oh Yeahhhhhh, You’ve Still Got it. One of the kids commented “Your eyes aren’t as bloodshot and scary like yesterday, mommy.”
8. Cuz You’re Graceful. Last night when you tripped, you did not accidentally impale yourself on a Lego sculpture carelessly lying near that puddle of urine in which you slipped.
9. You’ve Always Been Well-groomed. Appearing relaxed and chic at the library’s story hour, no one complimented you on the "adorable grandchild."
10. When You’ve Got it, You’ve Got it. After 7th grader Ashley handed you her midterm grade report, you didn’t respond with “We are going to have to let you go.”
11. Social Networking Proves It. Your Facebook status reads more Mr. Rogers than Charlie Sheen.
12. It’s All in the Details. You prevented your child from being scarred for life and avoided a messy Family Services investigation by successfully packing your 9-year-old’s lunch without tossing in a can of Bud-Light (which looks eerily similar to blue cans of apple juice at 5:30 a.m.).
14. Because You’re Amazing. When the 16 year-old sent the text about the $350 speeding ticket, you refrained from reacting with roundhouse kicks and binge drinking.
15.
They Are all Just Teaching Moments. When
your tween announced SOMEONE NEEDS TO PUT MORE TOILET PAPER ON THE ROLL, you
calmly, without sarcasm suggested that “someone” might be “him.”
16.
Hallelujah, You Rock. You managed
the impossible: you took a nap today while your infant napped.
17.
Advocacy is Your Strong Suit. Neither
anxiety nor rage overtook you when your first-grader’s teacher announced your
child’s impulsivity and failure to master phonics seem likely to lead to a life
of crime.
18.
Always the Bearer of Sweet News! The
text sent to your spouse tonight read “Oops we r outta diapers” and not “Oops firstborn
needs bail.”
19. Diva, Diva, Diva. If you’re a mom, you actually found adequate minutes to shave BOTH legs in the shower.
20. Handsome Devil. If you’re a dad, a portrait of you created by your preschooler is charming, without obvious horns or a pitchfork.
21. King of Orthodontia. You retrieved your 6th grader’s expensive retainer accidentally thrown away in the trash bin three days ago.
Michele Ranard has three backup stashes of Peanut Butter M&Ms, a husband, two sons, and a master’s in counseling. She has a blog at http://hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.
19. Diva, Diva, Diva. If you’re a mom, you actually found adequate minutes to shave BOTH legs in the shower.
20. Handsome Devil. If you’re a dad, a portrait of you created by your preschooler is charming, without obvious horns or a pitchfork.
21. King of Orthodontia. You retrieved your 6th grader’s expensive retainer accidentally thrown away in the trash bin three days ago.
Michele Ranard has three backup stashes of Peanut Butter M&Ms, a husband, two sons, and a master’s in counseling. She has a blog at http://hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.
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