hello lovely child

Simple things you'll treasure forever.
620 words
by Michele Ranard

Life is precious and full of wonder, but it moves fast. With so much distraction day to day, sometimes we need a reminder to slow down. Here are some heartfelt ideas for savoring the beauty of your momhood, their childhood, and the special bond you share.

1. On a dreary morning, don’t get dressed. Spread a quilt over your bed, and invite your crew to pile on for a long leisurely breakfast. Don’t answer the phone. Read something magical or your favorite story from childhood. If they are able, let them read that story to you.

2.  Enjoy a long lovely soak in the tub with your infant. Memorize those irresistible creases and the luxurious softness of your baby’s skin. So much of parenthood is unglamorous, and this is an intimate memory to lock up in your heart and return to when that precious soul begins sassing you as a tween.

3. Request an impromptu fashion show. So many creative variations: towels only, toilet paper, pantyhose…My own children favored a “London-France” show for the catwalk. They layered on every pair of underwear in the household until they could barely waddle. Then they tied on a blanket cape and donned one last pair of undies as a hat. It never failed to make this mom’s cheeks ache.

4. Write a love note to your child. Make sure to date it and place the note on their pillow. Even if they have reached an age where it borders on “uncool,” they will drift off to sleep knowing they are cherished. Later, steal back the note to safely store in a box.

5. Sacrifice your tastefully decorated living room and build the ultimate fort utilizing every blanket in the house. When complete, head inside to play “Don’t Break the Ice” and “Candy Land” a dozen times or more. They never tire of the classic games, and you are their favorite player. Remember the day will arrive when your kids will be too busy for you.

6. If you have teens or tweens, order pizza and watch their favorite comedy or youTubes, even if it’s not your cup of tea. Don’t forget there was a time you thought Pretty in Pink should win the Oscar. They will appreciate the gesture because they know it’s a little painful, and you may even be rewarded with joyful expressions and laughter.

7. In your planner, pencil in a “celebrity photo shoot” every two months. Have your spouse or friend take a picture of just you and your child and then change places. Go outside if possible to capture the season. You will have a wonderful treasury of smiles as you both grow up, and no mom on the planet has ever felt she took too many photos.

8. Whip up an indulgent snack together. Allow them to help make a decadently rich cookie dough from scratch, but forget the eggs and the baking. Eat the dough as dip for apple wedges and pretzels or mix into ice cream. While everyone gets sticky and gooey devouring it, document the smiles on film.

9. Let your child have a blast styling your hair. Supply them with colorful clips, rollers, bobby pins, and scrunchies. When your makeover is complete, go to the mirror and rave you look fabulous. Pretend you love it and say you plan to wear it this way forever. Now let them apply the makeup.

10. On an evening you are not beyond exhausted, sneak into your child’s room and watch them as they dream. Take in the beauty of those delicate eyelashes and precious tiny fingers. Whisper a prayer of gratitude and ask for protection from all harm. Blow a quiet kiss to the one who holds your heart.

Michele Ranard has been savoring momhood for more than 19 wonderful years. She has a husband, two sons, and a master's in counseling. She blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

Deconstructing Gratitude for Our Children.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
850 words

Are you happier now that you are a parent?

A couple years ago, Florida State University sociology professor Robin Simon created a stir with her suggestion that “bundle of joy” is perhaps inaccurate for most parents.

“Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers,” indicated Simon, whose parenting study concluded folks with the significantly greatest emotional well-being were those who had never had children.

Wait a second! Can all those baby shampoo commercials with shiny happy moms bathing smiling Stepford children be wrong?

Sure kids trigger negative emotions. But Harvard psychology professor Daniel Gilbert and author of Stumbling on Happiness (2007) suggests although kids may not increase our average daily enjoyment, “they bring transcendent moments that outweigh all the hard work.”

Beyond Warm and Fuzzy

The day-in, day-out job of parenting is far from romantic. But if you’ve ever watched a toddler chase a butterfly or been asked, “Will I need my clothes in heaven?” then you also know happiness can wash over you in little moments here and there. In fact, such moments are not really so little.

Blissful, fleeting moments make life rich. Psychologists Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener coined “psychological wealth” in Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth (2008) and define it as “the experience of well-being and a high quality of life.”

How do we become more psychologically wealthy? See what’s good in the world (those magical times with our kids) but be grounded in reality (kids are expensive and stressful!). The wealthy are engaged in activities they believe are meaningful. They apply their strengths to these activities.

As Christine Carter, author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents (2010), reminds: “What we say and do with our children is far more important in determining their success and happiness than any God-given talent or innate disposition.”

Contentment is Cool

Contentment may not have a sexy ring to it, but Don Lucas, Ph.D. in his book Being: Your Happiness, Pleasure and Contentment (2009), says it is worth aspiring to. “Contentment is associated with everlasting positive emotions. Contentment is not associated with being idle, lazy or giving up.”

Think about it. Much of parenting involves positive, enduring emotions. It entails hard work and perseverance. For parents, contentment motivates our behavior and empowers us to get more accomplished.

Lucas asserts, “True happiness is a social thing. If the people who are close to you are not happy or not happy with you — you’ll have a tough time being happy.”

Finding Your Happy Place

How do we increase happiness? By becoming more focused on the positive, more intentional in our attempts to savor parenthood and more grateful for the gift that is our kids. These tips may also help.

Sleep more. “Put on your own oxygen mask first and then help those around you” is how sociologist Christine Carter terms it. Taking care of your family takes a lot out of you. You’ve heard “nap when baby naps” a thousand times, but it’s important. It’s tempting to stay up when the house is peaceful, but try to go to sleep at the decent hour your school kids go to bed. If possible, work out a shift schedule to get up with your infant. Try to sleep an extra hour each night and watch the magical effect a less tired, new and improved you has on your family.

Recognize parenting is stressful. It’s easy to feel guilt for all those moments you don’t “feel” happy, but it’s completely normal. In their book The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living (2008), Russ Harris and Steven Hayes reassure that feeling unhappy does not mean you are defective. “The normal thinking processes of a healthy human mind will naturally lead to psychological suffering. You’re not defective; your mind’s just doing what it evolved to do.” Happiness doesn’t mean eliminating negative feelings; it is being prepared to cope with those feelings.

Communicate better with your partner. Parenting is stressful on a relationship. Diener and Biswas-Diener remind us that the quality of our lives will suffer if we neglect to develop all the aspects of our true psychological wealth — one of which is loving relationships. Encourage each other. Talk about the highs and low of raising kids. Laugh at the daily craziness which is family life!

Think gratitude. It’s more than saying grace at mealtime. Counting your blessings every day helps you remember happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have. Carter writes “We can teach our children happiness habits, such as consciously practicing gratitude….Most important we can model happiness in ourselves.”

Consider writing a love note expressing your gratitude for your kids when you have a free moment. Leave the note on a pillow, and if your child is young, read it aloud. See the big picture. Gilbert says, “It’s easy to get caught up in the details, but you need to step back and realize how empty your life would be without these people in it.”

Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, a master’s in counseling and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources

Carter, Christine. Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents. Ballantine, 2010.

Diener, Ed and Robert Biswas-Diener. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Wiley-Blackwell, 2008.

Gilbert, Daniel. Stumbling on Happiness. Vintage, 2007.

Harris, Russ and Steven Hayes. The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living. Trumpeter, 2008.

Lucas, Don. Being: Your Happiness, Pleasure, and Contentment. Hayden-McNeil, 2009.

Simon, Robin W., “The Joys of Parenthood, Reconsidered,” in Contexts (2008). Reprrnted in a 2008 issue of  UTNE Reader and Psychology Today.

image, via mighty2save

Decoding their slang and culture.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
680 words

I live with teenagers. The other morning at breakfast, my 15-year old son mentioned sorrowfully that he may have “tossed a fork.” Because I have grown so very accustomed to feeling clueless for what my kids and their friends are talking about (“Dude, that song is way sicker with that stupid hotness yo!”), I assumed “tossed a fork” was new lingo for “blew chunks.”

In reality, my son had literally thrown a piece of our cutlery in the trash. On accident. Clearly I over-analyze, but it feels like every day new slang from their ever-evolving vocabularies is introduced. The internet sees to it. Maybe you feel my pain.

Here are a few terms with definitions gleaned from my teen sons, my experience as the parent of millenials, and the world wide web:

Awesomation: The point at which something becomes awesome. “Brah, as soon as the show started, it was total awesomation.” Enough said.

Ballin: This term has been thrown around our house for years so I am a sort of ‘ballin’ connoisseur. It means to be living the high life, to be well respected, to be wealthy OR to be a basketball player. “That dude is ballin.”

Emo: You may think you understand emo; however, according to urbandictionary.com, emo is sometimes capitalized, sometimes not, and it can mean softcore punk music for melodramatic 17 year olds who don’t smile OR an overly emotional individual. My favorite emo definition from the site? “An excuse for guys to wear tight pants.”

If you still feel unclear about emo, ask your kids to define it (after which you’ll feel more lost than ever).

Facebook Ammo: A humiliating or incriminating photo saved on a friend’s camera to be potentially posted on Facebook that could be used for blackmail purposes.

Generation TMI (Too Much Information): While not slang, it is a concept parents of teens likely understand but may need a term for. Urbandictionary.com defines it roughly as kids who are overloaded with too much information because of the rapid growth of technology and the incessant need people have to share information online.

Generation TMI kids would all understand: "Wanna come over to myspace tonight to google my yahoo and twitter all over your facebook?"

Text Anxiety: The worry after texting someone when they don’t text right back. Are they alive? Mad? What could possibly be taking so long?

Text Away Your Dignity: Familiar with drunk dialing? This is the equivalent with texting.

Throw Down: (NOTE: Pay close attention to this one—throw down or throwdown means a million different things to different teens depending on the context!)

meaning #1: To contribute money to pay for something. Colton: “Dude, I’m gonna make a McDonald’s run, want some?” Jake: “Sure, dude, I’ll throw down.”

#2: To mosh or slam dance. “He totally threw down in the pit.”

#3: To street fight, like “throwing down the gauntlet.” (TRUE STORY: Definition #3 was the only definition I knew until I playfully threatened to throw down with my disrespectful 18-year-old, and his buddy remarked, “I’d love to see that at a show.”)

#4: To throw a large party. (WARNING: it may not be ‘dancing’ they’re planning to do this weekend if you hear your kid mention throwdown on the phone.)

#5: To fight and win. “Who knew that dude would have that kinda throwdown in him?”

#6: To drink excessively; see warning in #4.

#7: To perform brilliantly; my kids use it this way all the time as in, “He was epic! He threw DOWN!”

Tiger’s Wife Mad: So angry that you find the item which the object of your anger cherishes the most and proceed to beat him/her with it. “Did you see that dude ask for the manager at Taco Bell? He was Tiger’s wife mad with the burrito!”

BTW, do NOT under any circumstances try out these expressions with your teens! Trust. They could easily become TW mad and reach for…whatever. Use this knowledge solely to decode, sympathize, and delude yourself into feeling cool. (If you parent a teen, you already know a delusion is the closest you’ll come.)

Because Michele Ranard is paranoid, she still worries ‘tossed a fork’ is secret code. She is a professional counselor, academic tutor, and freelancer with a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Sources: The Urban Dictionary (www.urbandictionary.com) and her sons

by Michele Ranard
340 wds

1. No more diaper rash, nighttime feedings, or teething.


2. Time for conversations with adults and leisurely dinners.


3. Barney has left the building!


4. No one expects you to look young, unlined, or happy.


5. Ability to shave TWO legs, as opposed to one half, in the shower.


6. Naughty chairs and time-outs? History.


7. In-house experts for all things cyber.


8. Car seats and neon orange goldfish cracker crumbs disappear from SUV.


9. Kids have probably outgrown ear infections and maybe even asthma.


10. Sharing your favorite ‘80s DVDs like “Breakfast Club” or “Say Anything.”


11. Bidding au revoir to space eating excersaucer, swing, and highchair.


12. Freshman baseball games slightly more engaging than tee-ball.


13. Pocketing the cash shelled out to babysitters to now blow on pedicures.


14. More uninterrupted minutes to read House Beautiful or Twilight.


15. Will not have to rinse another dang sippy cup until the grandkids visit.


16. Do not require a vacation when you return home from a family vacation.


17. 30-minute lunch with a friend won’t entail 30-minute packing of diaper bag.


18. Less humiliation in restaurants, at pediatrician, and during the sermon.


19. Impossible to not be aware of what is cool, hip, and trendy.


20. Not expected to help with math homework!


21. Stitches or shots may not require straight jacket or your upper body strength.


22. Re-connecting with your inner adolescent may spell personal growth.


23. You have always wanted to take a course to learn…?


24. No more settling for JUST lipstick or JUST mascara before heading out the door.


25. Tenure as room parent (when no one else signed up) is over.


26. Built-in help for driving to the store for milk, cooking meals, and figuring out the remote.


27. When you sleep in, you’re still up before the kids.


28. Fewer temper tantrums at Target.


29. Living room reads slightly more chic after losing jewel-toned molded plastic playhouse.


30. You and your child survived the seventh grade.


31. Still a hero every time you bake chocolate chip cookies.

Michele Ranard desperately needs reminding there are things to love about parenting teens. She is the mom of two sons, a professional counselor, a math tutor, and a freelance writer. Visit her at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

An Untidy Space Spells Normal Development.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
440 wds

It’s more than a tad embarrassing now when I recall how I used to brag about my neatnick son's spotless room. He was the shispshape child. The one finger-pressing wrinkles out of little polo shirts and cargo pants. In fact, he lived for color -coding apparel perfectly hanging in his closet.

Indeed his bedroom passed every white glove test I never gave it. Shame on me--there I go with the bragging again.

Fast forward to his twelfth birthday. It’s as if pod people snatched Tidy and replaced him with Tweeny Slob-a-saurus. What? The messy tween train stops at your house too?

When ‘House Beautiful’ Won’t Be Calling

Turns out, some child development experts insist impossible to ignore clutter magnetism for tweens and teens is normal—as in, developmentally appropriate and right on schedule. Not only does the changing brain chemistry of adolescents make organization more challenging, but tweens and teens naturally need to assert their autonomy as well.

Which means we shouldn't be quick to dismiss the junkyard known as their room as a sign of rebellion. Rather, it may reflect an emerging healthy independence. Our tweens are separating emotionally—and in terms of their personal messy space—physically as well.

But what about what the designers on HGTV who insist our interior spaces and decor are always symbolic and mirror our inner selves? Really? Really my son’s inner self is teetering somewhere between slightly disturbed and headed for a padded room?

Not necessarily. The mounds of dirty laundry—the ground-in cheese puffs—the stench? Perhaps we can point to these insanity posers as evidence of growth, not instability. Of normal textbook maturation, not disturbance. (But sweet moldy bath towels on damp wool carpet, that mess also shouts “KEEP THE HECK OUTTA HERE!” doesn't it?).

Why Tweens May Be Oblivious to Oblivion

Child development expert and author Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer says this about the pressures facing today’s tweens in Talking to Tweens (2005):

“We know that when we feel overwhelmed we tend to fall short of our own standards, lose our cool more often, and sometimes make any pressures worse, perversely, by ignoring them. Worries can interrupt our sleep, and tiredness increases our irritability and chips at confidence. Children are the same.”

So some tweens may tend to ignore piles or an out of control bedroom because their lives—wrought with academic pressures and over-scheduling—overwhelm them sufficiently. Hartley-Brewer suggests that since their bedrooms are their personal space, parents should make an effort to consistently allow tweens to relax in their space in their own way.

I think we all know what that means, right?

Strap on that surgical mask securely before entering.

Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, a master's in counseling, and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:
Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer. Talking to Tweens. De Capo, 2005.

4 Tips to Increase Optimism
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
460 wds

I don’t know about you, but some days are just easier to be an optimist than others. Lazy July afternoon when the house is clean, the kids are frolicking in the sun, and I’m sipping lemonade on the porch? Dude! I’m the optimism queen!

But a dreary winter evening everyone needs help with math homework, the kitchen’s a wreck, and the Holiday bills just rolled in…well, Your Highness has trouble seeing the light.

Psychologist Martin Seligman, a pioneer of positive psychology and author of
Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, says “pessimists tend to believe bad events will last a long time, will undermine everything they do, and are their own fault.”

Does this sound like you?

On the other hand, he says optimists “believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case.” Most importantly, Seligman says pessimists can LEARN to be optimists by learning new thinking skills.

Here are some ideas to put us all in a more positive frame of mind:

*Dwell on what’s going right.
Re-focus. Instead of pondering the temporary bad events of the day, re-orient your perspective to all that’s going right. Think of that wise quote “Happiness is not having what you want, it’s wanting what you have” and decide what it means for you. Reflect on the specialness of your children and family in the scheme of things. If you are going to obsess negatively over something, give yourself a limit of just 48 hours to resolve the matter within yourself. Then let it go.

*Be Good to Yourself.
Make sure you are regularly doing good things for yourself and taking breaks from the daily grind. For me, these breaks inevitably involve chocolate. A trip to the spa, lunch with the girls, or a simple manicure may do it for you. Your physical and emotional health is important to the well-being of your kids so don’t neglect it!

*Look at the Big Picture.
It’s so important to not get bogged down in the trivial. Try this exercise: imagine everything you cherish most—your children, family, pets, photos, art—are suddenly stripped away. Feel the loss down to your bones. Let yourself sense the withdrawal of security. Allow the feeling of emptiness to penetrate your heart for a few moments. Now imagine that suddenly all of your treasures are returned to you unharmed. Bask in the glow of your riches.

*Reach Out to Optimists.
Parenting is tough, but sharing with other parents lightens the load. Make connections with positive caring people who make you laugh and see the glass as half full. Better yet, seek others who see it overflowing! Be lifted and then pay it forward, spreading the optimism love.

Michele Ranard is a professional counselor, tutor, and freelancer who is passionate about improving the lives and outlook of children and their parents. Visit her at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Seligman, Martin. Learned Optimism.Vintage, 2006.

5 Ways to Ease Their Anxiety.
Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
560 wds

If your child will be visiting the hospital for a procedure, they may feel fretful about what to expect and any pain they may experience. These expert tips will help guide you in calming their nerves.

Why They Worry About Hospital Stays

According to Dr. Judith A. Jones of Kidshealth.org, many children are fearful of needles and whether they will feel pain. Depending on the procedure, Dr. Jones suggests it may be possible for them to get medicine to feel more relaxed. Young children may struggle with separation anxiety and will likely feel more at ease if they are held by their parents while falling asleep before surgery. Older children may experience “exposure of body parts during surgery, cutting and scarring of the body, waking up during surgery, loss of control, pain after surgery, and even death.”

5 Tips to Ease Worry

Many children will benefit from a calm conversation before their hospital stay about what to expect. Kidshealth.org suggests the following tips for such a talk with your child:

1. Let your child know where you'll be during the whole experience. Kids will feel better knowing you won’t be far and will be there when they wake up. “You may also be able to sit with your child until he or she falls asleep before the surgery. Discuss this with your anesthesiologist. And explain that (in many outpatient procedures), your child can come home soon after the surgery is done. In cases that require hospitalization, most hospitals avoid separation anxiety by permitting at least one parent to stay with the child day and night.”

2. Give your child age-appropriate and developmental stage-appropriate info. Less information is usually more appropriate for younger children. “That doesn't mean lying — it just means giving the most appropriate information for your child's age and developmental stage.” Too many details may increase your child’s anxiety so take their age and personality into account. Tweens and teens may worry they will wake up during the procedure, so they should be reassured they will not.

3. Be sensitive about how you say it. You will want to avoid using the term “nap” so they don’t become anxious about naps in the future. Also avoid “cut,” “stuck with a needle,” or “put to sleep.”

4. Reassure them it is normal to feel “funny” after surgery. “Explain that there may be some pain and discomfort after the surgery, but that the doctor can give medicine to help. It's important for kids to understand that they don't have to try to be brave or ‘put on a happy face’ after surgery.” Help your child understand they may feel groggy, scared, or sad after the anesthesia, but everything will be fine because you’ll be there with them, and it won’t last long.

5. Be calm for your child. If you stay relaxed (breathe!), your child is less likely to feel nervous about the hospital. “If you need to vent your emotions, try to take a few minutes to step out of the room where your child can't see or hear you.”

The experts at kidshealth.org remind parents that keeping their own anxiety in check will ease a child’s pre-op worries and positively influence their post-op recovery. As Dr. Jones suggests, “Remember to use nonverbal cues to communicate assurance: your tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures, and body language convey powerful messages.”

Michele Ranard is a professional counselor, tutor, and freelancer. Visit her at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Kidshealth.org
http://kidshealth.org/parent/system/surgery/anesthesia_prepare.html#
reviewer: Judith A. Jones, M.D.

Seriously! Reminders for kids & parents.
250 wds
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.

1. Arithmetic practice stimulates and exercises the prefrontal cortex in your brain (and you don’t even get all sweaty).


2. No memorizing historical dates for the Civil War.


3. Don’t have to be a great public speaker or a standup comedian to be good at it.


4. Requires no ugly uniform or shower after class.


5. Points not subtracted for poor spelling.


6. Answering math questions rarely requires five paragraph essays or rhyming.


7. No complicated verb conjugation.


8. Makes you a better musician.


9. Everybody can learn it—math is a universal language.


10. Logic is refreshing; so much in life is grey!


11. Knowing math leads to wiser financial decisions (cha-ching!).


12. Recipes always involve math measurement.


13. Projects around the house are simplified…how much paint will I need to cover 300 square feet?


14. No need for pondering deep philosophy like what Kierkegaard meant about the need to engage in a state of despair before becoming stuck in a state of inertia…fractions anyone?


15. Calculating sale prices at the mall impresses your companions.


16. Engineers and quantum physicists rake in the dough.


17. ‘The Count’ on Sesame Street? One of the coolest dudes in the entire cast.


18. Numbers offer relief from rehearsing “Go Tell it On the Mountain” on the recorder.


19. Building with wooden blocks counts as geometry homework.


20. Understanding and using patterns in math leads to advanced problem solving and higher level thinking across all subjects.

Michele Ranard is passionate about helping kids improve at math. She is a professional counselor/tutor and freelancer. Visit her at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Shipshape relief for families in the real world!
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
640 words

As a parent, your brain probably swims with an endless list of chores and responsibilities this very second. It’s madness! How will you get it all done? Deep cleansing breath. That’s better. Now consider the following shortcuts from a mom who understands frazzled.

1. Discover Ditching Dinner-time Drama.

“OMG, I hate homemade lasagne!”

“Who wants fish tacos!?!”

Stop asking the family what they want for dinner. Decide what you’ll serve and cease to make separate dishes for each member. If they hate the dish, offer cereal and yogurt as the alternative. It’s not evil. It’s called mommy is nicer when she’s not totally insane.

2. Witness the Wonder of Wardrobe Wee-cycling.

Doing laundry is fulfilling. Not. Who says the kids’ clothes must be washed after wearing something once? Do Kevin’s jeans emit a funky smell? Is Nicole’s sweater bloodstained? Was Blake’s concert tee dragged through the muddy swamp? If not, insist they wear the stuff again (and, okay, again!) to minimize dirty laundry. This is a very Tommy Lee rockstar way to live, by the way.

3. Change How You Change ‘Em.

Don’t buy just one package of wipes or diapers at a time. Stock the changing table/station with diapers, cream, and essentials, but do have supplies in other places too. This will save time by preventing a trip running upstairs or out to the van for the diaper bag.

4. ‘Off the Chain’ Outfit Options (that’s urban-speak for awwwwwesome!).

There’s nothin’ quite like ultimate fighting with your kids over the “perfect outfit” in the morning, is there? Put an end to time wasteful hissy fit a.m.’s where they cannot decide what garments FEEL right to slip into. Without guilt (it’s your mental health at stake, for cryin’ out loud) use Sunday nights to pick out a week’s worth of clothes. Buy a nifty cubby type thing to hold the outfits if it reinforces the smart habit. Then USE the thing.

5. Crush on Carpools.

Gas is expensive. Carpooling is great for the environment and your mental health. Your time is valuable. Get used to sharing the responsibility with other parents of driving (as a bonus, you’ll get to know your kids’ cool buds and teammates better!).

6. Beyond Birthday Brooding.

Keep your eyes peeled for smart non-expensive unisex birthday gifts when you’re out shopping. Snatch up the bargains. You’ll save yourself from angst-filled last minute scenarios before the bash because you’ll already have something ready to wrap.

7. Feel Free to Fake it.

It’s okay to buy the cookies for the bake sale, party, or fundraiser if you don’t have time to bake. Kids have loved Oreos for years and years for a reason, and “from scratch” has never meant “because I love you more.”

8. Pinch Precious Pennies Properly.

Don’t lose your mind driving from store to store seeking the best price on small ticket items. Use coupons when you can, but the cost of gas and your time may not make all that running around worth it in the end.

9. Cleverly Cook a Couple.

Begin thinking in twos when you cook a meal. Roast extra chicken for the next night’s casserole. Make enough Swedish meatballs so you can toss some in with tomorrow evening’s spaghetti. Double the recipe. Cut your manic mommy-stress in half.

10. Calendars, Cork, and Chaos Control.

You know that super annoyingly organized friend of yours who reminds you of Martha? The one with the genius dry-erase board near her back door with every family activity sketched out for the next three months? Just a thought…but maybe she’s on to something. Go ahead and invest in something similar or a good old-school corkboard. Encourage your kids to jump on the “look we actually have a schedule” bandwagon.

Breathe in the sweet oxygen of a life that may not be perfect, but feels way less disorganized.

Michele Ranard has two children, a master's in counseling and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Science confirms kids need more free-play.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
780 words

With school in full swing, homework, studying, and a steady diet of rigidly-structured activities are standard fare for many kids. Soccer, ballet, piano, and extracurriculars broaden the horizon and set the stage for personal growth. But if we’re honest with ourselves, a lot of us over-schedule out of anxiety about beefing up our children’s competitiveness or their resumes for college.

Science reminds us we need to chill. While academics, lessons, and organized sports ARE important, kids need goof-off time too. To stay healthy, children of all ages need plenty of unstructured play.

Hard-wired for Play

Dr. Stuart Brown, clinical researcher and author of Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul (Avery, 2009) studied the play behavior of animals and more than 6,000 people from all walks of life (serial killers to Nobel Prize winners). His research concludes that play time is critical to the emotional, social, and cognitive health of our children.

Everyone understands play is pleasurable and a good distraction from stress, but science also teaches us that play “is a profound biological process” crucial to our survival. In rats, play reduces impulsivity, which is similar to ADHD in humans. We are simply hard-wired to play. Unfortunately, recess and P.E. are disappearing from the school day at a time kids need unstructured free-play more than ever.

Brown says making play a part of our daily lives is critical to feeling fulfilled as happy, successful human beings. What constitutes play? The retired psychiatrist says play is much more than games and sports. Play involves books, music, art, jokes, movies, drama, and daydreaming.

12 Reasons to Push Play

1. Happier kids. Sometimes we trivialize play or fail to see its usefulness. But it’s more than fun. In addition to improving emotional health, it serves a biological purpose.

2. Emotional control and resilience. When social mammals such as rats and monkeys are deprived of rough-and-tumble play, they enter adulthood emotionally fragile. Play helps them distinguish friend from foe, handle stress better, and form better skills to mate properly.

3. Social competence is enhanced. Play teaches people to master and adapt to changing circumstances. Even “dealing with or avoiding being excluded” from games like tag or dodge ball are helpful social skills to learn.

4. Physical activity may lessen the symptoms of mild ADHD. Dr. Lara Honos-Webb, author of The Gift of ADHD says of the disorder “it is important to remember that nature is medicine and activity is medicine.” She suggests that parents of children with ADHD make time for them to run around outside before school and be sure that recess is never taken away as a punishment for poor behavior.

5. May prevent a smoldering depression. Play is not just a trivial escape. It provides a vehicle for learning to problem solve, and as Dr. Brown writes, “reshapes our rigid views of the world.”

6. It burns calories. Trends for childhood obesity are staggering. According to the CDC, the prevalence of childhood obesity for 6-11 year-olds has increased from 6.5% (1976-80) to 17% (2003-2006). Obese kids have increased risk for cardiovascular disease, asthma, sleep apnea, and Type 2 diabetes.

7. We don’t want kids to become humor-less adults. After analyzing thousands of “play histories,” Brown stresses that play deficiencies can lead to closed-mindedness, inflexibility, and unhappiness. Lifelong play is part of the antidote.

8. Rough and tumble play is developmentally critical. We knew it was helpful to development, but Dr. Brown’s research revealed that for young homicidal males and drunk drivers, rough-and-tumble play was missing from their childhoods.

9. Stronger academic performance. This may be especially relevant for boys. Anthony Pellegrini, an educational psychology professor at the University of Minnesota and author of Recess, discovered that successful peer interaction at recess was an excellent predictor of success on standardized tests. When boys established competence on the playground, they also did better in the classroom and paid attention better.

10. Play keeps curiosity and wonder alive. Kids today spend 50% less time outside than they did just twenty years ago. The lure of animation, xBox, and online networking is so tempting and culturally reinforced that the beauty of nature and fresh air right outside our doors is often overlooked.

11. Successful people play A LOT. Playfulness sparks creativity and innovation. Analysis of the play histories of successful adults reveals “Highly successful people have a rich play life.”

12. Play is honorable. Play is not just a mindless activity—it’s active learning. As Brown says: “From an evolutionary perspective, the smarter the animal, the more they play…it gets us in touch with our core selves and the joy of life.”

Michele Ranard has two children, a master's in counseling, and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:
Brown, Stuart. Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. Avery, 2009.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (http://www.cdc.gov)
Honos-Webb, Lara. The Gift of ADHD. New Harbinger, 2005.
Pellegrini, Anthony. Recess: It’s Role in Education and Development. Laurence Erlbaum, 2005.