An Untidy Space Spells Normal Development.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
440 wds

It’s more than a tad embarrassing now when I recall how I used to brag about my neatnick son's spotless room. He was the shispshape child. The one finger-pressing wrinkles out of little polo shirts and cargo pants. In fact, he lived for color -coding apparel perfectly hanging in his closet.

Indeed his bedroom passed every white glove test I never gave it. Shame on me--there I go with the bragging again.

Fast forward to his twelfth birthday. It’s as if pod people snatched Tidy and replaced him with Tweeny Slob-a-saurus. What? The messy tween train stops at your house too?

When ‘House Beautiful’ Won’t Be Calling

Turns out, some child development experts insist impossible to ignore clutter magnetism for tweens and teens is normal—as in, developmentally appropriate and right on schedule. Not only does the changing brain chemistry of adolescents make organization more challenging, but tweens and teens naturally need to assert their autonomy as well.

Which means we shouldn't be quick to dismiss the junkyard known as their room as a sign of rebellion. Rather, it may reflect an emerging healthy independence. Our tweens are separating emotionally—and in terms of their personal messy space—physically as well.

But what about what the designers on HGTV who insist our interior spaces and decor are always symbolic and mirror our inner selves? Really? Really my son’s inner self is teetering somewhere between slightly disturbed and headed for a padded room?

Not necessarily. The mounds of dirty laundry—the ground-in cheese puffs—the stench? Perhaps we can point to these insanity posers as evidence of growth, not instability. Of normal textbook maturation, not disturbance. (But sweet moldy bath towels on damp wool carpet, that mess also shouts “KEEP THE HECK OUTTA HERE!” doesn't it?).

Why Tweens May Be Oblivious to Oblivion

Child development expert and author Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer says this about the pressures facing today’s tweens in Talking to Tweens (2005):

“We know that when we feel overwhelmed we tend to fall short of our own standards, lose our cool more often, and sometimes make any pressures worse, perversely, by ignoring them. Worries can interrupt our sleep, and tiredness increases our irritability and chips at confidence. Children are the same.”

So some tweens may tend to ignore piles or an out of control bedroom because their lives—wrought with academic pressures and over-scheduling—overwhelm them sufficiently. Hartley-Brewer suggests that since their bedrooms are their personal space, parents should make an effort to consistently allow tweens to relax in their space in their own way.

I think we all know what that means, right?

Strap on that surgical mask securely before entering.

Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, a master's in counseling, and a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:
Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer. Talking to Tweens. De Capo, 2005.