Teens, SEX & Cyberspace
6:17 PM
OMG: Sexting is all the rage
by Michele Ranard
“I’ll never forget the first time I glanced down at my son’s cell phone and read a girlfriend’s text!” Jackie Patterson has a 15-year old son and was shocked by the sexually aggressive message sent to her son. “It was raunchy and turned my stomach. I felt like the end of childhood arrived in one moment.”
Jackie is in good company. Most parents of MySpace generation teens can relate to discomfort with what seems like an excess of sexually explicit images and messages “sexted.”
Nude Photos & Lewd Sexting
A new survey commissioned by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Cosmogirl.com asked 1,280 teenagers and young adults about sexy photos and messages.
The study reveals one in five teens use technology to send explicit nude or semi-nude photos via online or phone to someone else, and the number jumps to one in three for young adults.
But sexually suggestive messages are even more prevalent. 39% of teens and 59% of young adults reported sending them. Almost half of all the participating teens said they had received a sexually suggestive email, text, or IM. Of course, most teens say they these messages are sent to boyfriends or girlfriends.
A greater concern may be the SHARING of so many provocative images and texts. For those kids receiving sex messages, almost 40% said they have had lusty messages shared with them by friends. A whopping 75% of teens say they believe sending such messages “can have serious negative consequences” which is curious—why risk it?
Does Sexting Lead to Hookups?
Eileen Mattson is the parent of a 17-year old and is more concerned about her daughter’s indifference toward sexting. “She says it’s a big joke, and kids just feel braver being shocking in texts. I always get reassured it’s just talk.”
In the National Campaign’s study, one in five kids said “they are personally more forward and aggressive using sexually suggestive words and images than they are in ‘real life’.” About 40% of teens and young adults said sexy exchanges made dating or hook-ups more likely, and about one third of teens expected the messages to lead to hook-ups or dating.
One of the factors contributing to such bravery in cyberspace may be the online disinhibition effect which lowers inhibitions in some, causing them to communicate more openly. It explains why some teens share personal information they would not otherwise say in person.
Why They Open Up Online
Psychology professor John Suler, researches the psychological features of cyberspace. Concerning online disinhibition, he says multiple factors trigger people to behave more outgoing online, such as the following:
“You don’t know me.” Dr. Suler writes “When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can’t be directly linked to the rest of their lives.” It is fairly easy for anyone to feel such anonymity while using simply a screenname or phone number and not their real name. Unfortunately, this false sense of anonymity may cause your teen to feel less responsible for his or her behavior in cyberspace.
“You can’t see me.” Suler says “Text communication offers a built-in opportunity to keep one’s eyes averted.” The opportunity to be invisible physically enhances the online disinhibition effect. Without face to face interaction, the worry about how you look or sound is removed, and you do not have to see how the recipient reacts to your message. Suler indicates, “Seeing a frown, a shaking head, a sigh, a bored expression, and many other subtle and not so subtle signs of disapproval or indifference can slam the breaks on what people are willing to express.”
“See you later.” With texting, emails, and IMs, teens do not have to interact in real time. When someone opens up online, they can walk away and not have to deal with a recipient’s immediate reaction. This is entirely different from real life encounters where the immediate response often has a powerful effect on how the rest of the conversation unfolds.
Before They Hit Send
Dr. John Grohol, an expert on online psychology issues, recommends teens think hard before sending provocative images into cyberspace. “Imagine your mom, big brother or sister, or a best friend who looks up to you finding this sort of thing online…Imagine running for public office or becoming an actor or newscaster or writer and having such pictures turn up 10 or 20 years from now.”
Not everyone is disheartened by the findings of the National Campaign’s research. Attorney Ann Mitchell, president of The Institute for Spam and Internet Public Policy, suggests on her website, “rather than trying to fight the trend, teens should be encouraged to consider cybersex as the safe alternative to real sex.”
The National Campaign offers suggestions to teens before pressing “send.”
*Don’t assume anything you send or post is going to remain private. Your messages and images will get passed around, even if you think they won’t: 40% of teens and young adults say they have had a sexually suggestive message (originally meant to be private) shown to them and 20% say they have shared such a message with someone other than the person for whom is was originally meant.
*There is no changing your mind in cyberspace—anything you send or post will never truly go away. Something that seems fun and flirty and is done on a whim will never really die. Potential employers, college recruiters, teachers, coaches, parents, friends, enemies, strangers and others may all be able to find your past posts, even after you delete them. And it is nearly impossible to control what other people are posting about you. Think about it: Even if you have second thoughts and delete a racy photo, there is no telling who has already copied that photo and posted it elsewhere.
*Don’t give in to the pressure to do something that makes you uncomfortable, even in cyberspace. More than 40% of teens and young adults say “pressure from guys” is a reason girls and women send and post sexually suggestive messages and images. More than 20% of teens and young adults say “pressure from friends” is a reason guys send and post sexually suggestive messages and images.
*Consider the recipient’s reaction. Just because a message is meant to be fun doesn’t mean the person who gets it will see it that way. Four in ten teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content did so “as a joke” but many teen boys (29%) agree that girls who send such content are “expected to date or hook up in real life.” It’s easier to be more provocative or outgoing online, but whatever you write, post or send does contribute to the real life impression you’re making.
*Nothing is truly anonymous. Nearly one in five young people who send sexually suggestive messages and images, do so to people they only know online. It is important to remember that even if someone only knows you by screen name, online profile, phone number or email address, that they can probably find you if they try hard enough.
The National Campaign’s Advice for Parents
1. Talk to your kids about what they are doing in cyberspace.
Just as you need to talk openly and honestly with your kids about real life sex and relationships, you also want to discuss online and cell phone activity. Make sure your kids fully understand that messages or pictures they send over the Internet or their cell phones are not truly private or anonymous. Also make sure they know that others might forward their pictures or messages to people they do not know or want to see them, and that school administrators and employers often look at online profiles to make judgments about potential students/employees. It’s essential that your kids grasp the potential short-term and long-term consequences of their actions.
2. Know who your kids are communicating with.
Of course it’s a given that you want to know who your children are spending time with when they leave the house. Also do your best to learn who your kids are spending time with online and on the phone. Supervising and monitoring your kids’ whereabouts in real life and in cyberspace doesn’t make you a nag; it’s just part of your job as a parent. Many young people consider someone a “friend” even if they’ve only met online. What about your kids?
3. Consider limitations on electronic communication.
The days of having to talk on the phone in the kitchen in front of the whole family are long gone, but you can still limit the time your kids spend online and on the phone. Consider, for example, telling your teen to leave the phone on the kitchen counter when they’re at home and to take the laptop out of their bedroom before they go to bed, so they won’t be tempted to log on or talk to friends at 2a.m.
3. Be aware of what your teens are posting publicly.
Check out your teen’s MySpace, Facebook and other public online profiles from time to time. This isn’t snooping—this is information your kids are making public. If everyone else can look at it, why can’t you? Talk with them specifically about their own notions of what is public and what is private. Your views may differ but you won’t know until you ask, listen, and discuss.
4. Set expectations.
Make sure you are clear with your teen about what you consider appropriate “electronic” behavior. Just as certain clothing is probably off-limits or certain language unacceptable
in your house, make sure you let your kids know what is and is not allowed online either. And give reminders of those expectations from time to time. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust your kids, it just reinforces that you care about them enough to be paying attention.
J. Michele is a professional counselor, academic tutor, and freelance writer.
SIDEBAR/140 words:
Why Do Teens Send Frisky Texts?
To be “fun or flirtatious." 66% of teen girls, and 60% of teen boys say they “sext” to be “fun or flirtatious.” That percentage jumped to 70% for young adults polled.
As a gift to someone they like. More than half of the teen girls surveyed said they posted sexy messages to their boyfriends as a gift.
Pressured by other people. 51% of girls said they felt pressured by other males to post the messages. Only 18% of boys cited pressure from girls as a reason. About one in four teens said they felt pressured by their friends.
To respond to a sexy message. 44% of the teens surveyed said they sent sexually suggestive messages as a response to ones they received.
To feel sexy. 34% of teen girls said they use sexting to feel sexy.
Resources:
The National Campaign for Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy & Cosmogirl.com
http://TheNationalCampaign.org/sextech
John Grohol, PsyD (CEO and founder of Psychcentral.com). “Teens, Sex and Technology.” http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/01/06/teens-sex-and-technology/
Mitchell, Ann. “Is Cybersex a Viable Alternative to Risky Behavior for Teens?” The Institute for Spam and Internet Public Policy. http://www.theinternetpatrol.com/is-cyber-sex-a-viable-alternative-to-risky-behavior-for-teens
Suler, John. 2004. Cyberpsychology and Behavior, 7, 321-326.
http://www-usr.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/psycyber.html
by Michele Ranard
“I’ll never forget the first time I glanced down at my son’s cell phone and read a girlfriend’s text!” Jackie Patterson has a 15-year old son and was shocked by the sexually aggressive message sent to her son. “It was raunchy and turned my stomach. I felt like the end of childhood arrived in one moment.”
Jackie is in good company. Most parents of MySpace generation teens can relate to discomfort with what seems like an excess of sexually explicit images and messages “sexted.”
Nude Photos & Lewd Sexting
A new survey commissioned by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and Cosmogirl.com asked 1,280 teenagers and young adults about sexy photos and messages.
The study reveals one in five teens use technology to send explicit nude or semi-nude photos via online or phone to someone else, and the number jumps to one in three for young adults.
But sexually suggestive messages are even more prevalent. 39% of teens and 59% of young adults reported sending them. Almost half of all the participating teens said they had received a sexually suggestive email, text, or IM. Of course, most teens say they these messages are sent to boyfriends or girlfriends.
A greater concern may be the SHARING of so many provocative images and texts. For those kids receiving sex messages, almost 40% said they have had lusty messages shared with them by friends. A whopping 75% of teens say they believe sending such messages “can have serious negative consequences” which is curious—why risk it?
Does Sexting Lead to Hookups?
Eileen Mattson is the parent of a 17-year old and is more concerned about her daughter’s indifference toward sexting. “She says it’s a big joke, and kids just feel braver being shocking in texts. I always get reassured it’s just talk.”
In the National Campaign’s study, one in five kids said “they are personally more forward and aggressive using sexually suggestive words and images than they are in ‘real life’.” About 40% of teens and young adults said sexy exchanges made dating or hook-ups more likely, and about one third of teens expected the messages to lead to hook-ups or dating.
One of the factors contributing to such bravery in cyberspace may be the online disinhibition effect which lowers inhibitions in some, causing them to communicate more openly. It explains why some teens share personal information they would not otherwise say in person.
Why They Open Up Online
Psychology professor John Suler, researches the psychological features of cyberspace. Concerning online disinhibition, he says multiple factors trigger people to behave more outgoing online, such as the following:
“You don’t know me.” Dr. Suler writes “When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can’t be directly linked to the rest of their lives.” It is fairly easy for anyone to feel such anonymity while using simply a screenname or phone number and not their real name. Unfortunately, this false sense of anonymity may cause your teen to feel less responsible for his or her behavior in cyberspace.
“You can’t see me.” Suler says “Text communication offers a built-in opportunity to keep one’s eyes averted.” The opportunity to be invisible physically enhances the online disinhibition effect. Without face to face interaction, the worry about how you look or sound is removed, and you do not have to see how the recipient reacts to your message. Suler indicates, “Seeing a frown, a shaking head, a sigh, a bored expression, and many other subtle and not so subtle signs of disapproval or indifference can slam the breaks on what people are willing to express.”
“See you later.” With texting, emails, and IMs, teens do not have to interact in real time. When someone opens up online, they can walk away and not have to deal with a recipient’s immediate reaction. This is entirely different from real life encounters where the immediate response often has a powerful effect on how the rest of the conversation unfolds.
Before They Hit Send
Dr. John Grohol, an expert on online psychology issues, recommends teens think hard before sending provocative images into cyberspace. “Imagine your mom, big brother or sister, or a best friend who looks up to you finding this sort of thing online…Imagine running for public office or becoming an actor or newscaster or writer and having such pictures turn up 10 or 20 years from now.”
Not everyone is disheartened by the findings of the National Campaign’s research. Attorney Ann Mitchell, president of The Institute for Spam and Internet Public Policy, suggests on her website, “rather than trying to fight the trend, teens should be encouraged to consider cybersex as the safe alternative to real sex.”
The National Campaign offers suggestions to teens before pressing “send.”
*Don’t assume anything you send or post is going to remain private. Your messages and images will get passed around, even if you think they won’t: 40% of teens and young adults say they have had a sexually suggestive message (originally meant to be private) shown to them and 20% say they have shared such a message with someone other than the person for whom is was originally meant.
*There is no changing your mind in cyberspace—anything you send or post will never truly go away. Something that seems fun and flirty and is done on a whim will never really die. Potential employers, college recruiters, teachers, coaches, parents, friends, enemies, strangers and others may all be able to find your past posts, even after you delete them. And it is nearly impossible to control what other people are posting about you. Think about it: Even if you have second thoughts and delete a racy photo, there is no telling who has already copied that photo and posted it elsewhere.
*Don’t give in to the pressure to do something that makes you uncomfortable, even in cyberspace. More than 40% of teens and young adults say “pressure from guys” is a reason girls and women send and post sexually suggestive messages and images. More than 20% of teens and young adults say “pressure from friends” is a reason guys send and post sexually suggestive messages and images.
*Consider the recipient’s reaction. Just because a message is meant to be fun doesn’t mean the person who gets it will see it that way. Four in ten teen girls who have sent sexually suggestive content did so “as a joke” but many teen boys (29%) agree that girls who send such content are “expected to date or hook up in real life.” It’s easier to be more provocative or outgoing online, but whatever you write, post or send does contribute to the real life impression you’re making.
*Nothing is truly anonymous. Nearly one in five young people who send sexually suggestive messages and images, do so to people they only know online. It is important to remember that even if someone only knows you by screen name, online profile, phone number or email address, that they can probably find you if they try hard enough.
The National Campaign’s Advice for Parents
1. Talk to your kids about what they are doing in cyberspace.
Just as you need to talk openly and honestly with your kids about real life sex and relationships, you also want to discuss online and cell phone activity. Make sure your kids fully understand that messages or pictures they send over the Internet or their cell phones are not truly private or anonymous. Also make sure they know that others might forward their pictures or messages to people they do not know or want to see them, and that school administrators and employers often look at online profiles to make judgments about potential students/employees. It’s essential that your kids grasp the potential short-term and long-term consequences of their actions.
2. Know who your kids are communicating with.
Of course it’s a given that you want to know who your children are spending time with when they leave the house. Also do your best to learn who your kids are spending time with online and on the phone. Supervising and monitoring your kids’ whereabouts in real life and in cyberspace doesn’t make you a nag; it’s just part of your job as a parent. Many young people consider someone a “friend” even if they’ve only met online. What about your kids?
3. Consider limitations on electronic communication.
The days of having to talk on the phone in the kitchen in front of the whole family are long gone, but you can still limit the time your kids spend online and on the phone. Consider, for example, telling your teen to leave the phone on the kitchen counter when they’re at home and to take the laptop out of their bedroom before they go to bed, so they won’t be tempted to log on or talk to friends at 2a.m.
3. Be aware of what your teens are posting publicly.
Check out your teen’s MySpace, Facebook and other public online profiles from time to time. This isn’t snooping—this is information your kids are making public. If everyone else can look at it, why can’t you? Talk with them specifically about their own notions of what is public and what is private. Your views may differ but you won’t know until you ask, listen, and discuss.
4. Set expectations.
Make sure you are clear with your teen about what you consider appropriate “electronic” behavior. Just as certain clothing is probably off-limits or certain language unacceptable
in your house, make sure you let your kids know what is and is not allowed online either. And give reminders of those expectations from time to time. It doesn’t mean you don’t trust your kids, it just reinforces that you care about them enough to be paying attention.
J. Michele is a professional counselor, academic tutor, and freelance writer.
SIDEBAR/140 words:
Why Do Teens Send Frisky Texts?
To be “fun or flirtatious." 66% of teen girls, and 60% of teen boys say they “sext” to be “fun or flirtatious.” That percentage jumped to 70% for young adults polled.
As a gift to someone they like. More than half of the teen girls surveyed said they posted sexy messages to their boyfriends as a gift.
Pressured by other people. 51% of girls said they felt pressured by other males to post the messages. Only 18% of boys cited pressure from girls as a reason. About one in four teens said they felt pressured by their friends.
To respond to a sexy message. 44% of the teens surveyed said they sent sexually suggestive messages as a response to ones they received.
To feel sexy. 34% of teen girls said they use sexting to feel sexy.
Resources:
The National Campaign for Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy & Cosmogirl.com
http://TheNationalCampaign.org/sextech
John Grohol, PsyD (CEO and founder of Psychcentral.com). “Teens, Sex and Technology.” http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/01/06/teens-sex-and-technology/
Mitchell, Ann. “Is Cybersex a Viable Alternative to Risky Behavior for Teens?” The Institute for Spam and Internet Public Policy. http://www.theinternetpatrol.com/is-cyber-sex-a-viable-alternative-to-risky-behavior-for-teens
Suler, John. 2004. Cyberpsychology and Behavior, 7, 321-326.
http://www-usr.rider.edu/~suler/psycyber/psycyber.html
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