If you are parenting a teen.
635 words
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.

I’m the first to admit having teens in the house can be challenging as a parent. It’s confusing. The experts tell us it’s dangerous and unhealthy to be their friend (“They have to see you as an authority!”), yet there are plenty of moments it feels natural to do so—to laugh, shop, share music, and learn new things together.

Instead of simply trying to “survive” this developmental chapter, it helps to become more intentional about savoring our teens. Savoring? Sure. Appreciating the goodness of this particular stage. Otherwise, we may see only the pitfalls and not the glory of raising these emerging adults.

To the rescue are a half dozen reminders from a parent who truly understands those days they forgot to open the garage door before backing out the car AND those bizarre fashion choices:

1. You both made it through childhood. Cue the confetti. It’s worth celebrating. Really. It wasn’t always rosy—remember chronic ear infections, all those meals they couldn’t cut up their pork chop, and the demonic temper tantrums in the grocery cart? Bravo. You made it.

2. You probably have more time. And time is money. Teens are lower maintenance so you likely have more time now for personal interests. Suddenly you are freed up to explore what makes your heart sing, or to devote more time to church, a career, or your spouse. The pressure to rush home to the sitter or carve out “mommy and daddy time” is over and probably a welcome change. If your kids used to make you feel guilty about doing anything fun without them, this is probably past history. Traveling or entertaining at home? Suddenly much less-stressful.

3. You have the opportunity to have meaningful discussions. It’s one thing to discuss matters of faith when they’re 10. But as young adults, the ongoing dialogue about faith, philosophy, and character has life altering potential. They may come to you for spiritual guidance or ethical dilemmas, and engaging them in such conversations (with compassion and understanding) can have soul lifting consequences.

4. Their identity crisis makes you more accountable. At first blush, this may not sound savor-worthy, but think about it. Because they are forming opinions and making discoveries about themselves, you are probably held more accountable. And that’s good for both of you. Are you worried about the dangers of alcohol and drug-use? If so, you are likely modeling better behavior since they are watching. Part of their process as they clarify who they are morally and ethically is influenced by interactions with you and what they observe at home.

5. You may have more household help. It’s nice when there are strong arms around capable of operating a vacuum, the microwave, and the washing machine. Even if you have to nag, sending them to the grocery store is a perk. And it’s easy to forget that just a short time ago you had to drag them with you on those boring errands but now they can stay behind happily.

6. There’s a whole world of sweet things to enjoy together now that they’re older. Whether it’s a sit-com you both love, baking, a sports team, scrabble, cars, a book series, or pilates—don’t forget many such activities were not options when they were little. You likely yielded to their child-related interests and developmental needs at the time (and Dora!). Now there’s new fun stuff for both of you.

If you only pay attention to the news media and the latest best-selling nonfiction you may be horrified and convinced our teens belong to Generation Slut, Generation Me, or worse. You could be distracted and possibly misled since there are plenty of wonderful qualities emerging in adolescence.

We just have to be sensitive enough to notice. So notice. And savor those young people.

Michele Ranard tries to savor her two wonderful teenagers. She is a professional counselor, academic tutor, and freelancer with a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.