Ideas for fostering this important strength.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
730 words



Edith Grotberg of the International Resilience Project (embracethefuture.org.au) says resiliency has three sources:

1.      Social and interpersonal supports (I HAVE).
·         People around me I trust and who love me no matter what
·         People who set limits for me so I know when to stop before there is danger or trouble
·         People who show me how to do things right by the way they do things
·         People who want me to learn to do things on my own
·         People who help me when I am sick, in danger or need to learn

2.      Inner strengths (I AM).
·         A person people can like and love
·         Glad to do nice things for others and show my concern
·         Respectful of myself and others
·         Willing to be responsible for what I do
·         Sure things will be all right

3.      Interpersonal and problem solving skills (I CAN).
·         Talk to others about things that frighten or bother me
·         Find ways to solve problems I face
·         Control myself when I feel like doing something not right or dangerous
·         Figure out when it is a good time to talk to someone or to take action
·         Find someone to help me when I need it


What Parents Can Provide

Australia’s International Resilience Program has these suggestions for enhancing resiliency:

1.      Caring relationships

·   Provide unconditional love and emotional support. Demonstrate affection physically and verbally.

·   Foster self-esteem by recognizing and praising achievements and helping children to develop their talents and abilities.

·  Provide ample time for communication with your child about the day's events, feeling and thoughts.

Help children develop a vocabulary for talking about feelings, encouraging them to label their emotions.

· Avoid harsh criticism and negative comments.
·         Demonstrate forgiveness and reconcile after disciplining children.
·         Provide plenty of time and opportunity for creative play and exploration.

2.      High expectations

·   Help children to develop their problem-solving skills by assisting them to solve their own problems rather than stepping in with your own solutions.

·  Teach children social skills and provide feedback about their social interactions.

·   Recognize your child's capacity for maturity, common sense and learning, and expect them to behave accordingly. Communicate the message that "you have everything you need to succeed."

· Provide clear, consistent discipline.

·  Challenge negative, defeatist thinking and encourage optimism.

·   Offer plenty of encouragement to help your child persist when confronted by obstacles or difficulties.

·  Encourage and respect children's autonomy.

3.      Opportunities for participation

·  Expect children to carry out age-appropriate chores and tasks that contribute to the welfare of the family.

·   Encourage children to give their time to worthy causes or to helping others. This might range from helping to prepare food for a sick relative to volunteering for a local community tree-planting day.

· Provide resources for children to explore their interests.

· Involve children in family decision making and rule-setting.

· Hold family meetings in which children are encouraged to voice their feelings and thoughts to resolve conflicts and other issues.

Author of Flourish (2012) and pioneer of positive psychology, Martin Seligman wants to see this happen to increase well-being in students and enhance learning. Seligman’s resiliency program is the most widely researched depression-prevention program in the world. It aims to increase students’ ability to handle day to day problems common during adolescence and promote optimism by teaching students to think realistically and flexibly.

Resiliency is a process, and the love and hope a parent provides can be a critical protective factor for keeping resilience high.


Ginsburg, Kenneth R. Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings. American Academy of Pediatrics, 2011.