hello lovely child: June 2012

parlez vous teen?

2:16 PM

Parlez Vous Teen?

Decoding Millennial Slang
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
615 words

I live with teenagers. The other morning at breakfast, my 15-year old son mentioned sorrowfully he may have “tossed a fork.” I grimaced. Because I have grown so accustomed to feeling clueless for what my kids and their friends are talking about (“Dude, that song is way sick widdit stupid hotness yo!”), I assumed “tossed a fork” was new lingo for “blew chunks.”

In reality, my son literally threw a piece of cutlery in the trash. Clearly I over-analyze, but it feels like every day new jargon from their ever-evolving vocabularies is introduced. Here are a few terms with definitions learned from my teen sons, my experience as the parent of millenials, and the world wide web:

Going Screensaver: When you notice a coworker spacing out or dozing off in a meeting.

“Check it out, look at Joe. He’s going screensaver.”

Rosetta-stoned: One who gets so high, he or she begins to speak in a foreign language.

Phone-yawn: The act of taking out a cell phone from one's pocket or purse, resulting in other people in the vicinity taking out and checking their phones as well.

Ballin: The term has been thrown around our house (pun intended) for years so I am sort of a ‘ballin’ connoisseur. It means to be living the high life, to be well respected, to be wealthy or to be a basketball player. “That dude is ballin.”

Tranq: 1. A sedative, or the act of sedating.

2. Any chemical substance used for calming a human or animal through injection or ingestion.

n. "The TRANQs are kept in the emergency medical locker by the gauze."

v. "The bear was TRANQed so that officials could safely transport it back into the wild."
v. "You need to TRANQ out, man, it isn't the end of the world."

Totes: Short for totally.

Facebook Ammo: A humiliating or incriminating photo saved on a friend’s camera to be potentially posted on Facebook for blackmail purposes.

Generation TMI (Too Much Information): While not slang, it is a concept parents of teens likely understand but may need a term for. Urbandictionary.com defines it roughly as kids overloaded with too much information because of the rapid growth of technology and the incessant need people have to share information online.

Text Anxiety: The worry after texting someone when they don’t text right back. Are they alive? Mad? What could possibly be taking so long?

Text Away Your Dignity: Familiar with drunk dialing? It’s the equivalent with texting.

Throw Down: (NOTE: Pay close attention to this one—throw down or throwdown means a million different things depending on context!)

#1: To contribute money to pay for something.

Colton: “Dude, I’m gonna make a McDonald’s run, want some?”
Jake: “Sure, dude, I’ll throw down.”

#2: To mosh or slam dance.

“He totally threw down in the pit.”

#3: To street fight, like “throwing down the gauntlet.”

#4: To throw a large party. (WARNING: it may not be ‘dancing’ they’re planning to do this weekend if you hear your kid mention throwdown on the phone.)

#5: To drink excessively; see warning in #4.

Tiger’s Wife Mad: Or TW Mad. So angry that you find the item which the object of your anger cherishes the most and proceed to beat him/her with it.

“Did you see that dude ask for the manager at Taco Bell? He was Tiger’s wife mad with the burrito!”

By the way, do not under any circumstances try out these expressions on your teens! Trust. They could easily become TW mad and reach for…whatever. Use this knowledge solely to decode, sympathize, and delude yourself into feeling cool. (If you parent a teen, you already know a delusion is the closest you’ll come.)

Because Michele Ranard is paranoid, she still worries ‘tossed a fork’ is secret code. She is an epic sick blogger at http://hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com and http://hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Sources: The Urban Dictionary (www.urbandictionary.com) and sons

THE SMART BUT SCATTERED STUDENT

9:24 PM

SMART GOODBYE RITUALS

4:48 PM

SMART GOODBYE RITUALS

For tearful first days of school or daycare.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
600 words

That first day of school can be a doozy for young children when it’s time to say goodbye. While separation anxiety is a very natural part of development, how parents respond to it is critical in order for children to make a healthy transition and develop trust with caregivers and teachers.

What Not to Do

Parenting coach Liz Warrick says there are definite no-no’s when it comes to saying good-bye:

1. Don’t sneak away. Although it might be tempting, this actually creates more fear in your child and it does not help your child learn to say good bye.

2. Don’t ask: “Is it ok for mom to leave now?” There really is only one answer.

3. Do not bribe your child with a treat. This creates a bad precedence for both you and your child as you will have to always up the bribe to get the behavior you want.

4. Don’t linger.

Healthy Goodbye Rituals

Author of 151 Ways to Help Your Child Have a Great Day at School (2009) and parenting expert Robin McClure suggests creating a parting ritual. “Maybe it is a special hug or handshake, a kiss and a twirl, or a set verbal exchange between you (such as "I love you best because...").”

A Jedi Goodbye. Social worker and blogger Dana Aderhold came up with a clever customized ritual. “When my son was four he started a new preschool where he didn’t know any of the other students. We created the ‘Jedi Goodbye;’ when my husband or I dropped him off at preschool we would do a secret light saber signal that was our goodbye ritual. It meant that ‘the force was with him’ until we picked him up. He found this very reassuring.”

Consistent Goodbyes. Mom, daycare owner, and blogger Nicole Dash says “It is a good idea to say goodbye in the same way each day. If you help your child hang up his/her coat and then give a kiss and hug before turning and leaving with a wave, then do not break that routine by one day sitting and playing.” Also, Dash says consistent means it is important you not try to shortcut the goodbye because you are running late.

Low Stress Goodbyes. Parents should keep their emotions in check. Dash says it’s not a coincidence when your child chooses to melt down and cling to you on a day you are running late to a meeting. “Never tell your child you are running late, or show signs of stress. This will place undue stress on your child and will make the morning miserable for everyone.”

Less Guilty Goodbyes. There will be days your child will cry due to fatigue, a cold, etc. Dash says “Whatever the reason, these sad goodbyes do not usually last longer than it takes you to get back into your car. It does not mean they hate you for leaving them in daycare.”

Positive Goodbyes. Warrick says on the big day, keep smiling and stay positive. “Remind your child of all the ‘new and exciting things’ they will do. If you are confident about your child’s new environment, your child will be positive to.”

Courageous Goodbyes. Dr. Laura Markham has this advice when it is you shedding more tears: “Have faith in your child, and in nature. Nature designed kids to hang onto their parents for protection, but to start exploring once they feel safe. Worrying about leaving your child at school is a way of saying you don’t believe he can cope…have faith in your child’s inner strength to rise to the occasion and grow.”

Michele Ranard has a husband, two sons, and a master’s in counseling. She blogs at http://hellolovelystudio.com and http://hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Aderhold, Dana. http://edgeviews.wordpress.com

Dash, Nicole. http://www.dcmetromom.com/easy-blog/entry/ease-goodbye-drama.html

McClure, Robin. 151 Ways to Help Your Child Have a Great Day at School. Sourcebooks, 2009.

15 reasons MATH is way cool

6:54 PM

education

The Smart Underachieving Child

7:50 PM

The Smart Underachieving Child:

Empowering Strategies to Help Them Aim Higher
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
740 words

We want our children to feel excited about learning and willing to confront challenging material. We want them to have an endless supply of resilience to persevere and succeed at school and in their relationships. We want them to achieve greatness in their education and adulthood, yet many of our bright students are underachieving.

1. Explore Attitude

Author of Empowering Underachievers (2006) Peter Spevak says attitude, not ability is the issue. “Underachievers “intellectually understand what they need to do, but their attitude is ‘so what?’” They work below their potential and waste opportunities. Underachieving kids tend to blame lousy teachers, crowded classrooms, impaired parenting, and irrelevant homework. Why? Spevak names emotional detachment and the shirking of personal responsibility.

In contrast, motivated students exhibit positive attitudes, work close to their potential, seek new opportunities, and “act age-appropriately responsible without being prodded.” He identifies three abilities motivated students possess:

*Persist through completion.

*Work within time limits.

*Function independently.

How can we nurture these qualities to help kids aim higher?

2. Increase Personal Drive

Educator Janine Walker Caffrey has thoroughly examined personal drive. Since a lack of personal drive is often at work for underachievers, she shares ideas for developing “drive” to achieve, dream, and create unique independent lives (Drive, 2008):

Ability to finish things. Drive provides you follow through to get things done. A driven person focuses on the goal and is always working to move closer toward it.

Determination to have healthy lifelong relationships. A balanced person who has drive will want to make all the parts of his life work well together.

Finds fulfillment in work. A driven person finds joy in work because he has a sense of purpose.

Usually earns more money. If you have drive, you will generally want more out of life and understand the hard work that is required to get these things.

Can deal with uncertainty and change. Driven people understand the normal ups and downs of life. They are able to work through difficulties and crises because they understand that things will get better. Work, persistence, and goal orientation make this possible.

3. Improve Parenting Habits

Dr. Sylvia Rimm has articulated these laws of achievement in Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades and What You Can Do About it (2008):

*Children need effective models and are more likely to be achievers if parents join together to deliver the same clear and positive message about school effort and expectations.

*What you say about a child within their hearing dramatically affects that child’s behavior and self-perceptions.

*Children feel more tension when they are worrying about their work than when they are doing the work.

*Children develop self-confidence through struggle.

*Children will become achievers only if they learn to function in competition.

4. Build Resilience

For children prone to underachieve, resilience is often in short supply. According to Building Resilience in Children and Teens (Ginsburg, 2011), resilience is rising above difficult circumstances “while moving forward with optimism and confidence even in the midst of adversity.”

Resilience allows us to see challenges as opportunities and believe we will ultimately be strengthened from them. It is not engaging in self-doubt, catastrophic thinking, or a mindset of victimization. Ginsburg’s 7 crucial C’s of resilience include:

(1) Competence: a set of skills allowing them to test their judgments, make responsible choices, and face difficult situations.

(2) Confidence: gained by demonstrating their competence in real situations.

(3) Connection: with people who believe or love them unconditionally, producing strong values and feelings of safety.

(4) Character: a fundamental sense of right and wrong to ensure they are prepared to make wise choices, contribute to the world, and become stable adults.

(5) Contribution: the importance of personal contribution and a sense of purpose.

(6) Coping: learning to cope effectively with stress better prepares them to overcome life’s challenges.

(7) Control: a realization they can control the outcomes of their decisions and actions.

5. See the Connection to Well-Being

Positive psychology pioneer Martin Seligman paints a picture of the pursuit of well-being and healthy achievement in Flourish (2012):

“People who live the achieving life often are often absorbed in what they do, they often pursue pleasure avidly and they feel positive emotion (however evanescent) when they win, and they may win in the service of something larger (“God made me fast, and when I run I feel his pleasure” says the actor portraying the real life Olympic runner Eric Liddle in the film Chariots of Fire).

Michele Ranard has a husband, two children, and a master’s in counseling.

Resources:

Caffrey, Janine Walker. Drive: 9 Ways to Motivate Your Kids to Achieve. Da Capo, 2008.

Ginsburg, Kenneth R. Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings. American Academy of Pediatrics, 2011.

Rimm, Sylvia. Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades And What You Can Do About It: A Six-Step Program for Parents and Teachers. Great Potential, 2008.

Seligman, Martin. Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being. Free Press, 2012.

Spevak, Peter and Maryann Karinch. Empowering Underachievers: New Strategies to Guide Kids (8-18) to Personal Excellence. New Horizon Press, 2006.

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parlez vous teen?

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