Tips to foster communication with school and ease your anxiety
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
780 words

When my son’s first-grade teacher said she suspected a serious learning disability, I freaked. Despite my background in counseling, I let anxiety temporarily distract and paralyze me. I needed this article.

It was a bumpy road for my struggling son, but I’m happy to report that with time, tutoring, advocating, and a wait-and-see approach, he is thriving. These tips may ease your worry if your child faces a similar challenge.

Listen With an Open Mind

In their handbook The Way of Boys (Harper Collins, 2009), Anthony Rao and Michelle Seaton say parents sometimes disagree about the need for testing. They suggest parents remain open even if they’re convinced what their child is experiencing is simply a developmental glitch. The teacher brings a wealth of valuable information to the table which “may or may not be accurate long term, but describes what’s been happening recently.”

If it turns out your child is simply navigating a developmental rough spot, the feedback from his teacher seeing him every day may still lead to an educational plan to serve him better.

Learn About Learning Disabilities & Your Rights

Gathering information about learning disabilities and attention disorders and becoming familiarized with the vocabulary will help you better advocate for your child. The website LDonline.org provides up to date information and advice about LDs and ADHD.

You should not assume your child’s school will provide everything you need to know about your rights. Every state has a Parent Training and Information Center financed by the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). To contact your state's center, visit the Technical Assistance Alliance for Parent Center (taalliance.org/ptdirectory/pclist.asp) or visit Wrightslaw.com, a website for special-education law and advocacy.

Keep Emotions In Check

Depending on your interpersonal style, you may react to the news your child has a problem with panic like me, feel upset or angry, or even shut down. It is stressful to hear there may be something wrong, but in order to effectively help your child, your response is critical.

To make clear-headed decisions, keep these ideas (culled from the chapter on testing in Rao and Seaton’s new book) in mind:

1. Keep paper at hand for phone conversations with the school. “If you’re panicking, you won’t process the information, or remember the details, and you might accidentally inflame the situation with a defensive or hostile reaction.” Writing the teacher’s thoughts down will give you something other than fear to focus on.

2. Prepare questions before a parent-teacher conference. Make sure to ask about your child’s strengths and remain focused on solutions. Ask “What should we do at home, and what might you plan to do at school, so we can help him?”

3. Take notes like a journalist. Get details about the teacher’s observations, specific behaviors and incidents, the time of day, and classroom happenings when the behaviors occurred. Gathering information to become educated in this way is better than “remembering instead only a few phrases and your emotional state.”

4. Keep your child’s teacher in the loop. Send a note with your child so teachers stay updated about treatment, milestones at home, tutoring, etc. Share the positive stuff too!

5. Take your time. If you show up for a parent-teacher conference and instead find a meeting of administrative staff sprung on you, feel free to reschedule. Parents have a right to be prepared for such meetings which can overwhelm with technicalities and emotion. You may be asked to sign forms, and these should be reviewed carefully at home first.

6. Prepare some statements before a meeting. For example, Rao suggests parents practice one like this: “Let’s pause here. This is all a bit overwhelming, and I’ll need to take this home and get back to you when I’ve had time to digest this. I know we all have Sam in mind here, and I appreciate that.”

Keep Your Eyes on Your Child

Founder and executive director of the Center for Learning Differences, Susan Yellin advises: “Don't think of a diagnosis of a learning disability as the end of the world. Think of it as the first step in getting your child the help he needs to survive and thrive in school.”

Rather than becoming defensive it’s important to remain upbeat and ask lots of helpful questions. School psychologist and learning disabilities expert, Ann Logsden says if you suspect your child has a learning disability, check here: http://learningdisabilities.about.com/od/disabilitylaws/qt/formalnotice.htm to learn more about your rights as a parent under the IDEA.

As authors Rao and Seaton suggest, be a cheerful skeptic and stay focused on the long-term well-being of your child “rather than on short-term interventions being thrown at you.” Additionally, remember there are always educational options beyond those proposed by the school.

Michele Ranard is a freelance writer with a background in professional counseling and academic tutoring. She has a blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.

Resources:

LD online.org. ldonline.org.

Logsden, Ann. “Learning Disabilities – What Are Learning Disabilities?” http://learningdisabilities.about.com/od/whatisld/a/whatissld.htm.

Rao, Anthony, and Seaton, Michelle. The Way of Boys: Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World. Harper Collins, 2009.

Technical Assistance for Parent Centers. taalliance.org/ptdirectory/pclist.asp

Wrightslaw.com (special education law and advocacy)

Yellin, Susan. “What to Do If You Suspect Your Child Has a Learning Disability.” Education.com