Intentional ways parents can connect.
by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
650 words

It’s ironic. In an age where connecting with each other is simpler than ever (think Facebook, tweets, Blackberries and skype), hectic work schedules, school, and activities mean it’s easier than ever to become disconnected with each other.

In a great book written by clinician and research professor Michael Ungar called The We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids, he discusses the great need for our children to feel noticed and loved in order to embrace “we” instead of simply “me.”

Ungar says it is unfortunate that sometimes parents attempt to connect with their children via expensive toys, or becoming too permissive, or even overprotecting them. But the key to connection is to offer opportunities compassion because as Ungar says, “Give a child a chance to connect, and she will.”

The following tips to help strengthen your family connection come from ideas weaved throughout Ungar’s book, professional experience, and what has worked for my family.

1. Give them a stage to show off. Habitually ask your child what they think they do well and then have them demonstrate. For my son, it always thrilled him to show us his ability to walk on his hands. Writing a word in cursive? Pouring juice into a glass? They love showing you what they’ve learned and how strong they’ve grown. Your glowing response will make them feel ten feet tall and cherished!

2. Leave work behind. This is challenging for all of us, but take as much family vacation as work allows. The opportunities which will spring from time away from the grind relaxing with your children are GOLD and add up to memories for a lifetime. No one at the end of their life wishes they had just taken less vacation.

3. Eat three together. Set a new rule about family meals together: everybody at the dinner table at least three times a week. It’s not always realistic to squeeze in three weeknight dinners, so think about Saturday breakfasts, Sunday brunches, or Wednesday late night cookies and milk. At our house, we have Italian Friday Nights where we are often joined by a few of their friends. Have you seen the recent research results about all the emotionally healthy benefits of eating together? Prioritize it. It’s a simple gesture that packs a profound punch.

4. Time out. Give them your time. So often we underestimate how much our kids want to spend moments with us together. If you have teen children, you know exactly what I’m taking about. It’s important to carve out family time as often as possible even if you get the message their friends have passed you up on the influence scale.

5. Hear their highs and lows. Implement this best/worst exercise into every meal-time conversation. It’s easy. Ask your child to identify their best and worst daily moments. Don’t use this time to lecture if their ‘worst’ happens to be failing an exam. Instead, open your heart and connect with the feelings they are expressing. Share their joy! Cry with them over disappointments. If you haven’t tried this, you may be surprised at how much you’ll learn about your kids’ inner lives.

6. Form a team. Rally your children to help with a project. Whether it is helping an elderly neighbor with gardening, painting the family room, volunteering at church, or organizing the garage, join forces and see that the fruits of your labor extend way beyond an afternoon of hard work.

7. Write love notes. Words are powerful and are sometimes easier expressed on paper. Fill the page with what you appreciate, your wishes and hopes, and how your children are so full of potential. Leave the note on their pillow, and know it will touch them deeply whether they mention the note or not.

Connecting with your children is important not just for strengthening your family bond but for helping them develop empathy and a healthier outlook.

Michele Ranard is passionate about helping families live healthier lives. She is a mom to teenagers, and a freelancer with blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Ungar, Michael. The We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids. De Capo, 2009.