SAHM gets gig as an extra for Seal.

by Michele Ranard
570 words


Since my brother-in-law is in the entertainment biz, occasionally a night of red carpet whisks me away from tutoring algebra or scrubbing filth from the kids’ shower floor. Recently I scored a gig as an extra for a Seal concert filmed for PBS.

Not only will you catch a stellar performance from Seal on the disc, you will score bonus footage of moi rocking out in a wide shot (hair relentlessly teased, highest Betsey Johnsons donned, and situated near “Right Here Waiting” artist Richard Marx and Oprah’s boyfriend).

Here’s the thing. I have teen sons, and it was impossible to COMPLETELY shed the mom angst for leaving the eldest one on the honor system to study for an important pre-calc exam (I KNOW, I KNOW, total control freak).

The concert was incredible. After “If You Don’t Know Me,” Seal confessed he had a case of the belches from a pre-show Mexican dinner. “People Get Ready” preceded a story about how he stubbornly disagreed with the producer about including the track on the CD. Seal was in rare form vocally, David Foster killed it at the piano, and still the mommy mind wandered.

My thirteen-year-old son bubbled up into consciousness like one of Seal’s burrito burps. I agonized. Would he stay up too late? Would he remember his paper due in English?

“Knock on Wood” got my booty shakin’, and I’m not gonna lie, for three minutes I was roller disco babe circa 1979, re-applying lip gloss no less than thirty times. Let’s face it. This SAHM appreciates a break from teen central, and the tall drink of water Seal is not unlike chocolate gelato for the soul.

During a tape break, he took requests, and the segment became an engaging medley of fan favorites. “Fly Like An Eagle” transported me to sixth grade when my worst anxiety was deciding which platform sandals to wear to the spring dance. But before the tune ended, my mind drifted again—this time to the driving age son who was hopefully not flying like an eagle on the road. How do other parents cope anyway? Do you EVER take a deep breath again when your kid starts driving?

“Kiss from a Rose” did little to distract mommy. It stirred a memory of listening to the tune playing on the radio in our old station wagon when my babies were one and four. As Seal belted the hauntingly dramatic ballad, my eyes closed at times, images of those little boys smiling from their car seats flashing through my brain.

We joined Seal backstage after the show, and after my sister tattled that I love his wife Heidi Klum, I seized the opportunity to proclaim her work on Project Runway “genius.” Seal humbly replied, “Yeah, what is she doing with me, right?” Definitely chocolate gelato.

The contrast of silly swim team mom and sacred superstar? Bananas. Shakin’ it for a few hours with Mrs. Klum’s husband? Truly does not suck. But all the Hollywood glitz and glamour? Apparently no competition for my guys at home (even if they blew off homework, drove too fast, played hours of Metal Gear Solid, and never thought of mama once).

I guess you can slap some false eyelashes and stilettos on mom and even get her shakin’ the money maker. Suuuuuure, you can take her bootyliciousness out of the home.

But good luck taking home out of the mom.

When Michele Ranard is not shakin her groove thing, she is a professional counselor/ tutor and a freelancer with a twisted blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.