Decoding your kids' new slang
by Michele Ranard

If you feel 404 (clueless) about the latest new slang Gen Y-ers and your children seem to speak and txt, this mini-glossary may help. Although I learned a few initialisms upon joining Facebook, I only recently decoded POS (parent over shoulder) which, um...yeah, our millennial sons have typed 4eva since the dawn of MySpace!

BTW. Do not let these babies found online and in my sons' arsenal creep into your own vocabulary. Doing so would render them obsolete and completely not-Obama (see below)!

Pwn (pone): video game smack talk meaning to power own someone or something. My sons have used this for years.
“Dude I totally pwn-ed him in Call of Duty.”
Povo: the Australian slang for poor from the TV series “Summer Heights High.” My 14-year old said this is as irrelevant for American teens as "throw another shrimp on the Bar-B."
“Can’t meet you at Buffalo for wings, dude. Totally povo.”
Ex-hole: reserved for that ex-significant other who broke up with you by text or cheated on you. This is my personal favorite.
“Saw my ex-hole Sam at Panera with some new chick.”
Epic Fail: another video game derived slang meaning you blew it big time. The lone "epic" sounds cooler for conversation if you ask me, and EF is cool for Facebook microblogging.
“Did you see Jason get denied by Denise in the hall? Epic fail!”
Cupcake: cuddling at home with your honey. Zero calories too.
“Nah, I’m passin’ on the party. Gonna stay in and cupcake with my ladyfriend Susan tonight.”
Myselfish: excessive need for drawing attention to one’s self and finding acknowledgement online i.e. stupdating on FaceBook and Tweeting.
“That chick is so pathetically myselfish; she changes her status every 10 minutes.”Hot Room: complicated inter-relationships which collide in an awkward or 'kward social encounter. (My entire adolescence felt like a hot room.)
“Major hot room last night at Beth’s party. Was with my guy when my ex-hole showed up with that Melissa chick who dissed me in AP Chem.”
Raped: to intensely dominate in a war themed video game or sporting event (completely un-PC and thrown around several mancaves I've visited.)
“Your guy just got totally raped.”Retox: to do the opposite of the goals you set.
“Whatev, Jody - I’ve had it with Pilates. I’m totally retoxing and driving thru Taco Bell.”
Geequal: someone with excessive obscure knowledge.
“Think I just met my geequal. Lisa’s got a wicked photoshop app on her iTouch.”
Smashed Potatoes: intoxicated, drunk, hot mess. My 17-year old thinks tacking "potatoes" onto "smashed" renders it juvenile and uncool.
“Don’t remember a thing from last night. I was smashed potatoes, bro.”
Hate-cation: refraining from hateful words about anyone or anything. We all need an extended one!
“I got nothin’ to add to that, Joy. I told you I’m on a hate-cation.”
Obama: from the London streets; cool, or in the case of Not-Obama, uncool. The 17-yr old likes it for texting.
“Man I can’t wait. S’gonna be so Obama.”


Michele Ranard is a professional counselor, academic tutor, and freelancer with a cheeky blog at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com.


Sources: The Intelligence Group, 2009 & my sons