Authoritative Parents, Resilient
Children
Science says parenting style matters.by Michele Ranard, M.Ed.
750 words
“A safe and secure home = an inoculation of
resilience” (Dr. Daniel
Siegel, M.D.)
Last summer, our adolescent son
suffered a concussion from a criminal assault in a park near our home. The fact
the trauma occurred in broad daylight in a safe pleasant area was startling and
deeply distressing. Yet we watched our son bounce back from the victimization swiftly,
adapting to the stress and injury quite well.
While this was a dramatic example
of resilience, in today’s complicated world, our children face adversity daily.
It is important they develop this strength. In fact, author of Mindsight (2010) Dr. Daniel Siegel says
resilience should be the fourth “R” of education.
Highly
Resilient Kids
Resilience involves rising above difficult circumstances “while moving forward with optimism and confidence even in the midst of adversity” (Ginsburg, 2006). According to expert Kenneth Ginsburg, kids with high resilience possess:
1.
Competence:
skills allowing them to test their judgments, make responsible choices, and
face difficult situations.
2.
Confidence:
gained by demonstrating their competence in real situations.3. Connection: with people who believe or love them unconditionally, producing strong values and feelings of safety.
4. Character: a fundamental sense of right and wrong to ensure they are prepared to make wise choices, contribute to the world, and become stable adults.
5. Contribution: personal contribution and a sense of purpose.
6. Coping: effectively coping with stress prepares them to overcome life’s challenges.
7. Control: a realization they can control the outcomes of their decisions and actions.
Why Parenting Style Matters
Across cultures, evidence-based
research consistently shows authoritative parenting (not authoritarian, not
permissive) to be an important protective factor for children and adolescents
to develop resilience and thrive.
An innovative and successful program in Australia (Embrace the Future) promotes resiliency in part by educating parents and encouraging them to adopt an authoritative parenting style because:
1. “Children are more receptive to parental influence with nurturance
and parental involvement.”
2. “Support and structure helps them develop self-regulatory
skills, which enable children to function as responsible, competent individuals
even when parents are not around.”3. “The verbal give and take characteristic of parent-child exchanges in authoritative families engages the child in a process that fosters cognitive and social competence, thereby enhancing the child's functioning outside the family.”
Authoritative Parenting Characteristics
While there is no agreed upon rulebook for authoritative parenting, researchers
classify a parent as authoritative if he or she agrees with statements like
these (Dewar, 2010):
• I take my child’s
wishes and feelings into consideration before I ask her to do something
• I encourage my child
to talk about his feelings• I try to help when my child is scared or upset
• I provide my child with reasons for the expectations I have for her
• I respect my child’s opinion and encourage him or her to express them...even if they are different from my own
Parents are LESS likely to be judged authoritative if they agree with
statements like:
• I let my child get
away with leaving chores unfinished
• I bribe my child to
get him to comply with my wishes• I explode in anger toward my child
• I punish my child by withdrawing affection
Research Findings on Resilience
1. Other adults can help.
“The best documented asset of resilience is a strong bond to a competent caring
adult, which need not be a parent. For children who do not have such an adult
in their lives, it is the first order of business.” (Masten & Reed, 2002).
2. There are multiple pathways to resilience. (Masten & Obradovic, 2006).
3. Resilience is not just internal. “It is easy to make the mistake of blaming the victim when resilience does not occur, if one assumes that resilience arises only from internal capacities” (Masten & Obradovic, 2006).
4. No child is invulnerable. “There are levels of risk and adversity so overwhelming that resilience does not occur and recovery is extraordinarily rare or impossible” (Masten & Obradovic, 2006).
A
Few More Tips
Authoritative parenting has been shown to have the best outcomes for children, in line with resiliency research. Forming the foundations for developing resiliency (Embrace the Future):
1.
Caring relationships.
“Warmth, responsiveness and emotional closeness provide children with the sense
of security, trust, and self-esteem fundamental to resiliency.”
2.
High expectations.
“Clear boundaries provide the structure, discipline, and sense of self-efficacy
children need in order to master important academic and life skills.”
3.
Opportunities for involvement. In decision making at home and in the community where they
can learn to give back.
Resources:
Dewar, Gwen. “The authoritative parenting
style: Warmth, rationality, and high standardsA guide for the science-minded parent.” 2010. Parentingscience.com.
Embrace the Future. ETF (http://www.embracethefuture.org.au/)
Ginsburg, Kenneth R. A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens. American Academy of Pediatrics, 2006.
Masten, A.S. & M-G.J. Reed.
2002. Resilience in development. In Handbook of
Positive Psychology. C.R. Snyder
& S.J. Lopez, Eds.: 74–88. Oxford University
Press. London.
Masten, A.S. & J. Obradovic.
2006. Competence and Resilience in Development. Ann. N.Y. Acad. Sci. 1094: 13–27 (2006). C _ 2006 New York Academy
of Sciences.doi: 10.1196/annals.1376.003.
Siegel, Daniel. Mindsight. Bantam, 2010
