by Michele Ranard
210 words
1. You assumed your third grader no longer believed in the Easter Bunny.
2. With amnesia for your preschooler in the backseat, you dropped the eff bomb in a fit of road rage. Instead of a follow up ‘oops,’ you mumbled s*** to complete the damning expletive marathon.
3. To express how much she is cherished, you left a love note on your daughter’s pillow. You spelled her name wrong.
4. Irrevocably dooming your son’s new relationship, you gave the girlfriend the dreaded parental stamp of approval (“You are so darn sweet…you can come over any time you like!”)
5. The leather pants and YOU HAD ME AT BACON t-shirt you wore to parent-teacher conferences.
6. Packing her lunchbox, a can of Bud Light (which resembles Pepsi) was inadvertently inserted.
7. During a kicking and screaming tantrum inside Walgreen’s you threatened your toddler you’d split. You kept your word.
8. You couldn’t make it to your daughter’s championship soccer match. It conflicted with “The Real Housewives of New York City.”
9. Before a plane ride to Nana’s, you liberally spiked the 3-year old’s sippy cup with Drowsy Formula Dimetapp.
10. You took your child with you to work for TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK DAY. You’re a drug dealer.
Michele Ranard has never been nominated for a parenting award. She is the mother of two crazybeautiful teens and a freelance writer with blogs at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.
