Stay sane through the process.

by M. Ranard, M.Ed.
795 words

When it comes to college applications, I know firsthand how “getting in” can feel like a cruel test of mental and emotional stamina. How much editing help should parents give for the essay? Which extracurriculars appeal most to admissions officers? Which school provides the best fit?

Feeling Stressed and Alone

Probably the most challenging part of the college planning process has been feeling alone in the anxiety. Many fellow parents remain tight-lipped and competitive, so it was a relief to fine Getting In Without Freaking Out by Arlene Matthews.

A professional college consultant, Matthews says college bound students and their parents need to take a major chill pill. Her guide is full of practical tips for tackling college application angst, and if you have vocal chords, you WILL laugh.

The following are smart secrets to lower your blood pressure and increase your optimism from her guide and my personal experience. Think of it as free therapy!

SMART SECRET #1: College Admissions is TRENDY.

It used to be that kids who were bright and well-rounded were placed at the top of the application heap by admissions officers. The acronym BWRK was the rage just a few years ago. Then parents made the mistake of going too far pushing their kids into extracurriculars and community service, and BWRKs fell from favor. Turns out colleges now prize angular candidates who sport a sharply focused interest or talent.

Whether your child is well-rounded or angular, rest easy knowing the planet needs all shapes and sizes. Well-rounded types do well in a variety of fields from medicine to movie making, and angular types create great art and discover new technologies.

Instead of trying to package your teen based on current admission fads, you should cherish and celebrate their unique shape. Jay Mathews, an education reporter for The Washington Post, suggests stressed out parents repeat this mantra: “People succeed because of the quality of their character, not the notoriety of their college.”

SMART SECRET #2: It’s Who They Are, Not Where They Go.

Some very successful people attended some un-cool sounding colleges (A little guy named Ron Reagan went to Eureka College in Illinois and sort of did okay). Our society has become so competitive within the realm of parenting that many people believe where their kids attend college is reflective of the job they did raising them. Ever heard a version of this at a cocktail party? William wishes he could say yes to BOTH Stanford and Yale! Fabulousness just runs in the family!

We are all charmed by designer schools, but generic is underrated, and it is simply pointless to flip out about getting your kids into the “perfect” designer school since that school does not exist. Not even in the Ivy League!

Matthews, with great comic verve likens the Ivies or “trophy schools” to “trophy wives.” While the name of a trophy school may leap out on a graduate’s resume, like a trophy wife, it can also be both expensive and notorious for putting more energy into recruiting new prospects than its students.

Lloyd Thacker of The Education Conservancy, contends, “A commercialized point of view is what turns the admissions process into a game...There is very little evidence that correlates the status of a college with effective educational practice. Parents need to listen to the facts, not their friends at cocktail parties."

Matthews reminds that in the scheme of things, there is a point where college credentials cease to matter. When the college days are history, employers in the workplace want to know what you have accomplished and whether you will continue to deliver. You may not even be aware of what college your friends, co-workers, or employer attended. But you ARE cognizant of whether your friend has strong moral character or if your co-worker has a notable work ethic.

SMART SECRET #3: Late Bloomers Can Finish Strong.

If you have a late bloomer, you may feel concerned. Maybe your child is bright and multi-potentialed but has yet to discover his niche. Perhaps he has no published articles, patents, or a single hospital named in his honor. What is frustrating is sensing that colleges want to see greatness demonstrated now.

The reality is there are plenty of teenagers just getting warmed up. Deferred blooming may also have a silver lining. After all, peaking at eighteen may spell disappointment down the line. Matthews points out the deferred greatness of Cervantes who completed Don Quixote at age sixty-eight and Grandma Moses who began painting in her late seventies. History reminds us finishing strong is honorable.

Muddling through “getting in” requires stamina, maybe some chocolate, and a sense of humor. Let’s face it. Worrying won’t appease the admissions gods or increase anyone’s chances of acceptance. So arm yourself with reality-based facts instead.

M. Ranard has a husband, two teens, and a master’s in counseling. Her blogs are hellolovelychild.blogspot.com and hellolovelyinc.blogspot.com.

Resources:

Matthews, Arlene. Getting In Without Freaking Out. Three Rivers Press. 2006.
Thacker, Lloyd. www.educationconservancy.org
Mathews, Jay. “Ten Ways to Reduce College Application Stress.” The Washington Post. July 3, 2007.