by Michele Ranard
360 words

How I wish I could say these triumphs—and yes, they’re a bit twisted—came simply from my imagination! Actually, they’re based on personal experience as well as confessions graciously shared by other mommies (Yep. A friend accidentally stood too close to her daughter at Home Depot and…see number three.).

The point of the list is for moms to (a) realize many little triumphs get overlooked and (b) duh!—to prove you deserve more chocolaty goodness! If like me you occasionally experience seasons of feeling discouraged and anything but gratitude, perhaps this will tickle your brain and help you recover laughter again. I bet you’ll come up with dozens more, and these small miracles will get you started:

1. You did not accidentally curse in the middle of that heated discussion during this morning’s Bible study at church.

2. Nobody threw up on you all day.

3. Somehow the tip of your firstborn’s finger was not freakishly sheared off when you enthusiastically tried out new gardening nippers a bit too close to her hands in the store.

4. You remembered to empty your teen’s pockets of gum, a $200 phone, and that extra credit assignment before throwing in a load of colors.

5. After helping your tween prepare for the pre-algebra exam, no one required reconstructive surgery or shock treatments.

6. There are toilet paper rolls on every single holder in the place.

7. One of the kids complimented “Those jeans look good and not slutty, mommy,” and somehow “I want a new mommy” was not shouted once.

8. You resisted impaling yourself on the tee-ball tee after your day from hell was capped by a text from your spouse reading “stopping for drinks with buds after work.”

9. Appearing relaxed and put together at the party, someone asked whether you had any children.

10. When the 7-year-old arrived home from school and drained the last diet soda, you did not explain “we’re going to have to let you go.”

11. Your facebook status sounds neither neurotic nor authored by Britney Spears.

12. Your chocolate stash and the secret backup one remained hidden the entire day.

Michele Ranard has three backup stashes of Peanut Butter M&Ms, a husband, two sons, and a master’s in counseling. Visit her at hellolovelychild.blogspot.com